#finding god

pairing: aki hayakawa x reader

genre: tragic romance · grief & healing · dark slice‑of‑life, CHAINSAW MAN MANGA SPOILERS

warnings: death of a loved one, mentions of violence/devils, grief, depression, religious themes

synopsis: you’re a survivor of loss drifts through life like a ghost until a quiet man teaches you how to live again—only for the world to take him, too. now you’re left with nothing but his lessons and the will to keep on moving.

Israel was involved in the worship of Baal, divination and even human sacrifices. God finally used the Babylonians to chastise and discipline His people by taking them into exile. (2 kings 25)

God is gracious and merciful, but He is also holy and just. This means that He had to confront sin, which destroys the people He loves. Unless He turns the hearts of His people from their wicked ways, they will not only harm themselves but also miss out on His wonderful plan for their lives. Jesus is our Good Shepherd. He doesn't want any of His sheep to wander away and be devoured by the wolves.

As much as I love questions that make me think, questions like this are incredibly difficult for me thanks to my ADHD brain and a bad case of decision paralysis. Anyone that knows me, knows not to ask me to pick a favorite of anything. There's about five things in this world that I can name a favorite for and unfortunately a summer memory is just not one of those things🫨🫨

I had so many wonderful summer memories from my childhood. I grew up next to a huge park system and when I was little we spent the summers running the park as if it was our own backyard🌳🌲 And there were ice cream places on either side of my neighborhood 🍨 So many days spent at either one of those places. Getting sticky and on a sugar high giggling with my family or my friends🍦

My dad always grew the garden in the summer. I would wait until the cherry tomatoes were just about ready and I would crawl out there on my hands and knees so that he couldn't see me. I would lay on my tummy or sometimes on my back and eat the cherry tomatoes off of the bottom of his plants. To this day he still thinks it was those damn rabbits 🍅🐇🤭

My oldest sister lives in Jersey City but for most of my life she lived in NYC so I have many summer memories of going to visit her there. The smells, the sounds, the excitement. 🗽🚕

The one and only place I find complete peace. Where everything stops hurting. Everything slows down. Everything stops haunting me. My brain goes quiet and the grief stops, is Niagara Falls. Sitting next to the water and listening to the power of it. Smelling it. Feeling the mist hit my face and the sun on my skin. It's almost like the air is electrical. I can almost feel my entire body vibrating from the force of the water. It's the only thing that can make me feel that way. So I have spent many summer weekends allowing myself that freedom. That peace. That silence I find within the roar of the water 🌊

And then there was the summer of 2021. COVID was finally not so scary. I was finally able to take my son on vacation. We hopped in the car with no plan in mind. We just picked a place every day we wanted to go and headed that way. We went to 5 states in 5 days. On the last stop of that vacation I took him to see my most magical place on earth. The look of shock and awe on his face when he saw the power of the water and felt the sun and mist on his skin was so similar to my own and I knew that I had just shared a secret with him no one else ever could... because no one else understands him the way I do. I could see by the look on his face that his brain was quiet too💚🙏

I have so many summer memories. I can't possibly pick one. But I'm hoping that you'll be able to tell that I took the entire day and really thought about your question and I'm giving you the best answer that I can. And I hope that it still allows you to see a peek at the girl behind the blog✌️

im writing this poem

to help myself remember.

if i ever start to wonder:

the answer to everything

is dualistic.

it is simple and plain,

it is complex and chaotic.

find god in yourself.

find god in others.

find god in still and quiet.

find god in loud and movement.

find god in everything.

find god in nothing.

find god in life.

find god in death.

find god when you fall in love over and over.

find god when your heart is broken.

find god even when it hurts, in those excruciating moments.

find god when youre having the best day of your life.

this is the answer to divinity and purpose.

find yourself in what you create.

find divinity in your own power.

live each day to the fullest

so you wont cling to the past in the future.

if the past feels like the future, it feels like a dream to me.

i can only change my perception, but my fate is my own.

There are many wonderful posts from “Carry The Light” (FB). This is just one of them.