Guys i really wanna get more protein and get into a lowcarb-1300 but in the last week i had three metab days...

all tracked tho! Today was 2200, overate donuts, ughhh...

But at least 115g protein yayyyyy

Did a pilates workout

So far I have noticed..

It does get easier... and the thought of running feels more off putting, like my body KNOWS that running is bad for it right now.

The hardest part is walking past people running, but then I look around at nature and remember we are on different life journeys, and I don't feel as bad.

My weight and health haven't imploded.

I am still ravenous and eating A LOT.

Ok, real honesty time. My exercise wasnt "obsessive" in an obvious way. I haven't been to the gym in years and my day to day activities were not affected by my routines.

BUT. I did still do a 30 min jog 3 times a week. No big deal right?

But here's the thing. It WAS a big deal for me and my health.

I would feel anxious if I couldn't do it. I felt ashamed of it. It would fill my thoughts of when I could fit it in. So yes, while that form of movement is healthy for some...for me it was a compulsion and was NOT ok. Especially when my sole reason for doing it was based in fear. It wasn't..oh I want to go for a jog...it was "oh I am scared of what will happen if I dont go. I am scared of being unhealthy. I am scared of being lazy. ..etc"

That is not healthy.

So for the past few weeks I haven't given in to those compulsions. It feels super uncomfortable and I feel anxious as hell...but I woke up today to grey skies and feeling tired...and my legs felt sore. And I felt like I was truly listening to myself by not going on that jog. I am proving to myself that I can be complete and worthwhile person WITHOUT this compulsive habit.

I got super sick this week! I am 90 percent sure it is covid as I feel very weak and fatigued. Along with all the classic cold/flu symptoms.

Well, it's been two weeks now of real rest days, and not obsessively trying to do at least some form of exercise/movement every day...

And dammit I think it's working.

I am finding it easier to feel FULL. Like actually satisfied. Turns out maybe I wasn't just hungry for food... but I was hungry for rest.

Also... dare I say my chronic stress belly of 6 years looks... smaller? Still there for sure, but it does seem to be calming down.