#excerptfromabookillneverwrite

But other times, life throws some salt at you and you’re forced to realize you still have wounds.

My wounds are healing, but they are still there.

I know it is my responsibility to care for them, but god do I ever resent you for giving them to me.

because when i was 18, fresh out of high school, waiting by a frat house, a girl with bleached blonde hair and mascara running down her face asked me if i wanted a cigarette.

i said yes, and she gave me the one she was already smoking.

that’s all. the first time we’ve spoken, but just like we were old friends. we didn’t say much, and we didn’t talk for long. then i never saw her again. i never asked her name. i wouldn’t have remembered anyway.

four years later, i still don’t know what i’m chasing. that strange and sudden intimacy? or the taste of her lipstick mixed with nicotine in my mouth. or being 18.

[to Liam] Otis Milburn

Source: Sex Education; S1.Ep7: Happily Ever After

The mood where i think so much

The mood where i realize the truth

Where the love i thought was real

Really ain’t real love

The genuine people i met

It really wasn’t genuine

Just another part of myself being blinded

Reset

I started to open my eyes

It show me how miserable it was

If I could skip forward to a year from now,

I definitely would have forgotten what my worries were today.

If I could skip forward to a month from now,

I definitely would think I was an idiot for stressing myself out over nothing at all.

If I could skip forward to a week from now,

I definitely would realize that I had wasted time worrying about things and stressing over whatever the hell it is that I'm trying to figure out today.

God's got me.

I know this now.

Sometimes I want to skip backward, though, and relive a moment that was so sweet.

Sometimes I'd like to skip backward and make right the things that I am not proud of,

but I am learning everyday how to be a better person.

And I am learning each day how to embrace my past because it has made me the person that I am today.

The Universe has already planned out my destiny,

and I just need to have a little faith.

It is a waste of precious time regretting the past and worrying about the future.

Living today, in the moment right now, is what is important.

The present is a gift that is definitely,

by far, the best blessing.

Living in the past or worrying about the future will certainly have me missing something beautiful happening in my life right now.