#scribbled ink

The problem is caring. If I didn’t care I wouldn’t be doing this. The problem is that I was a kid who no one looked at, so when you look at me, I want to do everything to keep you looking. Shiny things again, small things. Tokens. I blow it. Money, men. I blow.

Sharp things. Toenails, razor blades, the sting of waxing one’s pussy. Soft things. Things I can’t get anywhere else. A cornered market. Sore feet again.

Heat like danger. Heat like dead leaves, dead grass. Dead girl. Dead girl loves you. I love you.

I love you. I love you.

I know later on I’ll be embarrassed I ever felt this way for you but I love you.

Sweet things, like your tongue in me. Tender things, like the bottom of your foot or sleeping on your chest. Hard things. Rough, scary, boring, grating, thankless things. Bad things. Red things again. Claspers, pincers, tweezers, pliers. Screwdrivers. Screw drivers.

Back in my childhood bedroom like I never left. How vertiginous it is to change so much and so little.

Plain things, pills and such. Little things, like pokes or like blinks.

Always be like this.

Floating in stardust

Every time we kiss.

Maybe the magic will fade,

Like people say.

But I’m just satisfied

That you exist.

we’ll be alright, you whispered

even as

our world was crumbling,

the flames threatening to engulf us

and you slipped away from me,

you said it so confidently, too,

leaving me with no choice but

to believe you,

because how could i not, until

i blinked and was left standing

alone

clinging to the lie i still believed

even as

you walked away, dragging your promises

A/n: look there is not an ounce of consistency in this entire thing but I don’t even care at this point. I just needed to get the thought down 😂

Author: @ezrasarm

There was something off when Marcus got home. He was quieter than usual, not as cheerful. When you asked he seemed to shrug it off as ‘nothing’ but you knew him well enough to know it wasn’t.

“Did something happen in class?”

”No,”

“How about your exam? You were worried about it.”

”It was fine- it was great actually” he grumbled back.

”Me? Did I do something wrong?”

“No! Of course not! Can we just drop it?” He blurts out uncharacteristically before murmuring an apology. You tried for a good two seconds, you really did but then a thought struck you. It didn’t make any sense, he loved his job but-

“…work?” You ask and he hesitates.

Marcus didn’t like to admit it but sometimes he let other people’s opinions get the better of him. That’s why when a particularly difficult customer decided he’d take out his frustrations on the nearest person, Marcus was the one to take the brunt of his outburst. And on top of the slowly accumulating mountain of school stress and his parents constant stream of questions over when he was gonna get a real job, he cracked. It’s why when you hit the nail on the head, he tried to make an excuse to get away from you. He didn’t want you to see him break. But he had dried your tears more times than you could count at this point and it was your turn to return the favour.

“Woah, Marcus, hey!” You say catching his wrist when he’s half way into his coat and he freezes when he looks at you through watery eyes. “Slow down.” You plead, taking the opportunity to wrap your arms around him, one arm around his back while the other gently pulls his him closer to bury his face into your shoulder. He actually has the gall to try and sob an apology out. It makes your chest ache. “Don’t do that. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.” You scold him lightly, pressing a kiss to just about any part of him your lips can reach when he’s pulled this close to you. “Sometimes things just get a bit too much. It happens to the best of us.” You murmur into him after a while, your fingers toying through the unruly curls on the top of his head. “Even the invincible Marcus Pike.” You smile against the shell of his ear and manage to catch a broken scoff from him.

“I feel pretty far from invincible right now.”

“Maybe,” You shrug “But I know you’re gonna get right back up anyway.” You say, “And that sounds pretty damn invincible to me.” You feel his arms squeeze just a little tighter around your waist when breathes in a deep inhale before lifting his head to look at you.

“Thank you” he whispers, a weak smile on his face when you lean up to press a kiss to his forehead. “Hey that’s my move.” He he says, pulling away slightly in mock offense, a goofy grin starting to overpower the sorrow in his features.

“I thought it would help,” You shrug, knowing it always worked when he did it to you.

Anyway that is thought. ~k

Marcus picks up the phone and gets totally flustered cause ‘oh! It’s you! I like you!’ *Heart eyes* *heart eyes* *heart eyes* then looking back to his work afterwards and realizing he’s completely lost his train of thought like

- he asked me if i missed him and i say:

A sea and shore never to touch