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Formal reminder that Bucky Barnes and Bruce Banner both canonically have dissociative symptoms <3
AND Banner has canonically had DID since his debut.
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Systemhood is fucking insane what do you mean oscar wilde is sitting on my floor doing a motherfucking gem painting and listening to Amy Winehouse and Lana Del Ray what the fuck do you mean he wore an ascot and a ruffled shirt to the goddamn roche bros.
It’s nice when you know that you definitely switched and/or lost time but don’t feel bothered or anxious by it because you feel content with yourself and can feel free to just exist even if you were unproductive...that’s good enough sometimes
love seeing the endogenic vs traumagenic fight again on my dash. like the peeps from the old Dark Personalities list would weep that this fight is still going on twenty years later only it seems even worse since the DSM-V has come out. and omg we actually saw someone use the shattered mirror analogy to explain DID and we thought that had died a tragic death years ago. we prefer the rosebush analogy ourselves.
why people still fighting over this instead of banding together? that’s what we learned in the early 90s and 2000s on the DP list. that there are a lot of commonalities when you stop focusing on origins and if someone doesn’t think they’re traumatized they usually aren’t trying to fit into “trauma” spaces they’re looking for other “plurals” to share experiences with. why on earth is that a bad thing? because even if you don’t wanna admit it, all plurals do share some common experiences.
treating being “multiple” as a symptom argues that being multiple is unnatural and needs to be healed. we aren’t “personality states” ffs, we’re god damn people and anyone who treats us as LESS than that doesn’t get our time.
we’ve said it before and we’ll keep saying it. BEING MULTIPLE IS NOT THE DISORDER. the disorder part comes from trauma histories (when you have them), dissociative symptoms that interrupt functioning, and any number of other psych issues that come from having an abuse history. NOT from just being multiple. why can’t people just agree on that?
there are a lot of positivity blogs and i’m NOT saying there isn’t a place and time for positivity. but it feel like everyone is talking “positivity” and few people are actually just TALKING about what it’s like to be multiple. bc it’s not all laughs and giggles and looking for the bright side. it can be hard and exhausting and that deserves to get talked about too.
especially those of us that for whatever reason can’t do the therapy thing. or aren’t interested in the traditional therapy goals (we’re not broken because we’re multiple) or don’t consider being multiple a disorder to fix (the problems aren’t the multiplicity, man, it’s the PTSD and the rest of everything else we deal with but being multiple so much affects how that shit comes out).
that’s not even getting into the things you can’t TALK to a therapist about because they aren’t equipped to handle it (hell most people don’t seem equipped to handle most of our shit) because it doesn’t fit in the “real world” so to speak. But at the same time it still affects us and we can’t just leave it out because it’s an important part of how we function (gateway system is just a start and i don’t even know if that really applies to us but we’re definitely something I’ll tell you).
it’s just really hard to do this alone sometimes. we’ve been trying to find a place to fit for twenty years and we still don’t. not really. and it sucks. so yeah, positivity is good and all... but what about the daily struggles that positivity can’t FIX??
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Me after drinking an energy drink: dissociation, but faster
Weird dissociative poem I wrote about the experience of coming back after 5 years
I saw the mirror.
I saw my face.
I didn't mean to
and
It caught me by surprise.
It's not me,
but I remember it.
I recognise it
it's the same
face
we used to have.
The hair is much
shorter
thinner
softer
And black.
I like it.
Our face is much
fuller
older
sadder
I don't like it.
I look empty
and scared
and the bags under my eyes are deeper
more like creases
than bags
like they're etched into my skin
pulled from the sides and stretched unnaturally
until they stay.
My eyes look large
prey-like
and simultaneously empty
Nearly lifeless.
I don't like how I look.
I never have.
But it's unsettling.
I didn't recognize how
young
and
happy
I looked 5 years ago,
until I saw
with no gap
or time
in between
five years passed.
I don't look like a child.
I don't look like an adult.
I don't look whole.
I don't look destroyed.
I don't know what I look like
But I don't like it.
Y’all ever dissociate so hard all day that when you go to sleep and have a dream it feels like you’ve woken up in real life?
