AUTHORS NOTE: giggling wtf is this. take this while i work on other requests :D
— DAZAI OSAMU๋ ࣭ ⭑๋ ࣭ ⭑
"THINK FAST IM A RANDOM GIRL—"
immediately you jump in your boyfriend's arms, dazai's arms quickly pushing you back. he tripped over his own two feet trying to keep you from kissing him—screaming and throwing hands to keep you back.
"NO! NO—IM GAY!😰 STAY AWAY!!"
you couldn't help but cackle at his reaction, getting back on your feet.
you keep fighting him back grabbing at his arms to try and pry them away from his body—suddenly he pushed you back enough you fell over on your back; laughing as he just ran away.
— CHUUYA NAKAHARA๋ ࣭ ⭑๋ ࣭ ⭑
"THINK FAST IM A RANDOM GIRL!!"
"WHAT THE FUCK—"
catches you on instinct, only needing a split second to realize what you said until he dropped you.
you laugh and grab his ankle as he yells, tumbling down to the ground after you.
"NO! IM A TAKEN MAN—TAKEN!"
you and him fight, using all his might to keep you from pinning him down.
eventually he uses his ability on you🙌🏻😭 next thing you know your floating just above him—a cheeky smile on your face as you got a good look at him.
hat flown off his head, messy hair, and wrinkled dress shirt.
— ATSUSHI NAKAJIMA๋ ࣭ ⭑๋ ࣭ ⭑
"THINK FAST IM A RANDOM GIRL—"
he screams. just screams in your face as you fall to the ground laughing; he holds your arms as you laugh at his feet.
it took him a moment to understand what you were doing and then when he came to realization—
you immediately went back at it again, trying to kiss your boyfriend who used all his might to keep you from getting close to his face.
"NO!! IHIHI HAVE A GIRLFRIEND—SHES SO PRETTY AND—AAH!😰"
eventually pins you on your stomach as he is sitting beside you, a leg keeping you from getting up and keeping your wrists behind you back; all while you're a giggling mess.
he has a goofy smile on his face as he lets you up.
— AKUTAGAWA RYŪNOSUKE๋ ࣭ ⭑๋ ࣭ ⭑
"THINK FAST I—"
you don't even have two seconds before your arms are wrapped around in black and red tentacles; pinning you to the closest wall.
your boyfriend looks at you with a deadpan reaction—"are you five?" is all he would ask.
you eventually explained what you were trying to do, and you just wanted to see his reaction. as much as you should have just let this be the reaction he gave you—he agreed.
take two. saying the iconic line; you graze his shoulder blade before you at once again wrapped around his rashomon, flipped over and laid on your back in front of you. you blinked once, then twice—"ok aku, you can let me go."
silence.
"aku?..im done with my prank, you can—"
"RYŪNOKUKE AKUTAGAWA— YOU CANT LEAVE ME HERE—"
more silence.
— KUNIKIDA DOPPO๋ ࣭ ⭑๋ ࣭ ⭑
"THINK FAST IM A RANDOM GIRL—"
literally almost falls out of his office chair when you suddenly jump on him.
glasses half off his face as you lay down on his lap and smile happily up at him.
he questions the fuck out of you; "what do you think you're doing??!"
you quickly bring him up to date—and he's just staring at you. blinks once...then twice—immediately tried to get you off of him as you try to kiss him.
he is holding you back, grabbing your arms as you laugh up a storm—saying how this inappropriate behavior in the workplace, trying to scold while keeping you back at the same time.
"Y/N—THIS IS ENTIRELY INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR—OH NO, YOU DONT—"
i find it funny how he scolds you whilst playing along with you at the same time.
at the end of it, clears his throat—fixes his dress shirt and glasses and tells you to get back to work.
hey, he passed the test at least.
— RANPO EDOGAWA๋ ࣭ ⭑๋ ࣭ ⭑
"THINK FAST, IM A—"
he steps to the side as you collide with the carpet beside him—face first.
he munches on his candy he held in his hand—watching you groan in pain and turn on your back.
"telling the world's greatest detective to "think fast" is one of the dumbest things i've heard you say.." he'll you as he kneels down, booping your nose with his finger.
you grab at his hand, pouting at him. "you want me to pretend you're a random girl—this is what you find entertaining? ...ok, ill entertain you—up, up." he taps your cheek as you both stand from the floor.
you stand a good bit away from each, not waiting for him to get ready you run at him again—only for him to spit the hard candy in his mouth to your face, thankfully hitting your forehead and you once again collapsed to the ground.
patting your head with a cheeky grin, he stands up and leaves you in your puddle of shame.
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you had decided to get your husband, sukuna, a little present. he was always gifting you glamorous things, you wanted to return the favor! with his money, of course. but he didn’t mind, it’s the thought that counts, right? besides, it’s a husbands duty to provide for his loving wife. according to him, anyway.
you set your mind on a painting. you know sukuna loves being admired, worshiped, so you thought this was a great idea. he already has millions of paintings hung up of him, all ordered by himself, but this one was special. different.
he had sat for hours for the features and pose portion of the painting a few weeks ago. it’d be a lie to say it wasn’t on his mind. you kept going on and on about how this one is special, nothing ever seen before. gushing over him unusually.
the day finally came, the painting was finished. you had ordered the artist to be there as you presented the painting to your husband.
he was sitting in his throne, clad in a magnificent robe. he had his usual stoic face, but you could see the emotion behind his eyes. excitement?
you took the painting out of the artists hands, and looked at it in a way sukuna couldn’t see. you smiled widely and whispered praise into the artist’s ear. he grinned and nodded, even though he was shaking due to being in sukuna’s presence.
you looked over to your husband and spoke, “are you ready?”
“hurry it up, woman” he dismissed, impatient waving his hand and rolling his eyes.
you smirked and turned the painting over. “ta-da! do you like it?” you revealed it to him and his face faltered. it was a painting of him, yes. but as a cat. you started to think this was more-so of a gift for you.
his eyebrows furrowed. “what is this monstrosity?”
you gasped in shock at his cruel words. you turned your head back to the artists and mouthed a little apology. you then looked back at sukuna. “um, it’s you. such a cute kitty, mreow!” you walked over to his throne and started to meow in his face, encouraging him to do the same.
“no. i am not a cat.” his eyes diverted from you, and onto the male artist. “why would you accept this?”
the artist trembled even more. his mouth opened hesitantly to defend himself, but his head was sliced straight off with the flick of sukuna’s finger.
your jaw dropped and you slowly turned your head over to face him. “WHAT THE FUCK. he was sweet. you’re crazy.” you yelled.
“a crazy kitty. mreow.”
“i don’t care. this is disrespect, i won’t tolerate it.” he told you sternly. all you did was smile and set the painting down, crawling into his lap.
“bad kitty. grrr!” you growled at him, clawing at his chest playfully.
all that catsuke art inspired this. and also opened my eyes. i think every man should be drawn as a cute kitty at least once
Geto Suguru had something called the cooties. That’s what you called it, everyone else called it pregnancy. It was a disease amongst the both of you. You sat there, groaning at the multiple pregnancy tests on your bathroom counter, all of them of a different brand-all of them saying “positive”.
He couldn’t keep his dick out of you to save a life. The same man who paced around outside the bathroom door. “You don’t get to be stressed out damnit, be still!” You yelped, opening the door to the man and walking past him.
“Oh come on princess, don’t be mad- come here let me hug you.” He was an idiot. A smart, idiot. Geto never did anything without a reasoning. There wasn’t a sad look on his face, he was happy. The idea of you being swollen with his child…he could see it now, how much your chest will leak, that swollen stomach, how sensitive you’d be. Fucking narc.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“You did this on purpose.”
“Then let’s fuck and makeup-“
“SEE THAT RIGHT THERE.” You throw the nearest thing you could get your hands on at him.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Hollow Knight (Video Games)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Hornet & Lace (Hollow Knight)
Characters: Hornet (Hollow Knight), Lace (Hollow Knight)
Additional Tags: I didn't bother to spell check this shit
Summary:
hornet enda up int he worst class after killing 8 teachers!
Read the before hand notes
Shout out to @booknerd2712 @river22463 @cowerollover @chopperchaz9 for making the um.... Texts so unhinged
oh the outrageously outdated and frankly useless “love quirk” family a romantics comedy and action movie gag — there’s nothing like it for taking a relationship from amicable to please-let-the-earth-swallow-me-whole on speed run.
which is precisely where shouto todoroki found himself — frantically hiding behind the kitchen island for the thousandth time, trying to keep some obstacle between you and himself. It had simply been an internship patrol gone wrong, the whole way back to the agency you’d refused to extricate yourself from his arm. The loathsome freak setting off some kind of love-inducing attack against him. Now, he’d run frantically behind the counter — the abnormal gleam in your eye threatening to do something to him you’d regret. He knew you wanted to jump his bones — which was frankly making him a touch delicious in that thing between his ears that he can’t happen to name right now because his motor functions were glitching out. But he wasnt going to let what you wanted to happen happen under these circumstances.
He braced himself on the counter hand gesturing to you, “No.”
Shouto’s body shivered, as he let go of a long suffering sigh, “I am not letting you whore yourself unto me. You are my friend and I respect you and your autonomy way too much for this, so until you calm the hell down we will not be so much as holding hands.” This seemed to only elicit a loud whiny pout to which Shouto furiously ran his hand through his disheveled hair in response.
He could not keep playing this game of get away.
. . . and that’s when an awful idea entered the chat — truly his brother Touya would be proud.
Which is how the rest of his classmates walked up to find shouto todoroki lounging on a beach chair in the front of the 3-A lawn. a pair of sunshine yellow striped party shades throw on, a white cotton button cover up — unbuttoned, plain ol’ khakis and flip-flops. A little worn paperback copy of “101 Traditional Japanese Love Stories” that he had releaved from the library for the foreseeable future and a lemonade (pink little paper umbrella included) in hand.
His extremities were covered in tanning lotion and the condensation of the lemonade had made his fingers pruney as he turned each page — his right hand clutched in your feverish delirious grasp. Your eyes shone brightly (and unnaturally!) as he intoned the onslaught of different poems and love songs — somehow the artistry of it keeping you satiated.
. . . plus he may or may not have somehow convinced you to dress warmly so that he could safely entrap you in ice. But Shouto had taken the opportunity to gently place a hideous floppy hat on and an endearingly ugly smear of sunscreen across your nose.
Kirishima, Mina, Jirou, and Froppy passed by the front walkway to the dorm all giving out greetings to him along the line of “umm hey todoroki?”
“Uhh why is y/n glowing pink? And, why is she encased in ice? And, uh — why are you out here having a beach day with her in the middle of September? Wait did she get quirked-up?”
Shouto took a long sip of his lemonade letting you reach out and ruffle his hair before your needy clammy little quirk-fever hand clasped his again, “our classmate y/n saved me from a very embarrassing quirk attack in our joint internship patrol.”
they all slowly nodded taking in y/n’s appearance — it was definitely a little concerning.
“— oh shouto please do go on! my heart beats only to accompany the angelic melody of your voice.”
“ahem,” a white arched eyebrow peaked over the hideous sunshine-y glasses, “and that was the moment that the icy hare came at last to court his princess after his unbelievable trials . . .”
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SINCE YOU REALLY WANTED THIS-- A ONESHOT OF OUR CONVO RN. >:* WHICH CHARACTER?? IDK IM JUST GONNA LAUGH AT IT- YOU PICK ON WHOS FITTING *wheezing* isAaC-- thE poOr gUy-
Natsuhiko confessing to you when you don’t even like him based off a real experience❣︎
Warnings: me laughing my ass off-
A/n: EXCUSE ME I FELT REALLY BAD-
AFTER ONE OF MY FRIENDS WAS LIKE "Isaac is now depressed that you rejected him" AND I WAS LIKE "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!"
He was planning a confession to me too-
anyways- i hope you laugh to this-
"pfft... oh hey, Natsuhiko messaged me" You looked down at your phone and Mitsuba looked up.
"What did he say?" Mitsuba looked over your shoulder.
"He said, 'Do you really love me'" You looked at Mitsuba shocked. Why would he think I liked him- Oh right I told him I loved him in class today.
"What the hell" Mitsuba started to laugh "Why does he think you love him!?"
"Well, I did tell him I loved him, but I mean love him as a friend. Besides, he already knows I like someone else" You mentioned.
"Just ask him what he means, he might have sent it to the wrong person" Mitsuba said "hopefully-"
"Oh, he responded... he thinks when I told him I love him it was some type of confession"
"Oh, fuck this guy is so stupid..."
"Mitsuba what should I do?!" You shouted a bit.
"Uh- Ask him how long he liked you for"
You picked up your phone and sent him the message to get a response shortly after.
"He liked me ever since first year-" Before you could finish Mitsuba just started laughing. He found this situation hilarious.
"Oh, he messaged me again- 'I was planning to confess eventually' OMG I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AN ANIME CONFESSION" you blurted out.
"Congratulations, you are getting confessed too for once-" Mitsuba teased.
"shut up-" You elbowed the pink haired boy "I'm going to let him down gently, while I don't really like him, he is a good guy, and anyone would be lucky to have someone like him!" You started typing this on your phone, hoping he would understand.
'Oh, I see' Natsuhiko typed back. 'It's okay, I didn't expect you to like me back anyways.'
"awww now I feel bad.." You frowned
"This fucking idiot-" Mitsuba said behind you.
meanwhile with Natsuhiko:
"I knew they didn't like me back..." He sighed into his mic.
"Okay." Tsukasa said into his mic, having to listen to that whole conversation he had with you in his cat headphones
"Anyways, want to play video games?"
"Sure"
this is basically how the confession went... apparently Isaac was depressed for a while after then started playing games with Ethan-
2022 the challenge is on! Submit entries at any time!
Have a crazy idea you've been meaning to write?? Let those plot bunnies run WILD and FREE!!!! Take a serious concept and make it beyond idiotic! Take an utterly ridiculous concept and make it valid! Spice up those endings with a Shyamalan twist! Give me the crackiest crack you can cook up! ... I wanna piece o' this insanity!!!
To join in the fun, simply submit your fic to the collection! Now OPEN on AO3🎉by tagging '2022: The Year of The Crack Fic' 🎊[2022_Crack_Fix]
Any length: 10 words to Ao3's limit! idgaf! Short fics might be easiest? but if it becomes a monster, I won't reject it! Make it worth it babes!
Any rating level: Please properly tag your entries! If there's any whump or sadness, but you can justify the crack ... I'll allow it!
WANTED: Crack concept, Crack plot, or Crack twist, Johnlock, Mystrade or sherlock crack pairing welcome💋the winner with the most kudos by the end of the year will get their choice of fan art made (your choice, cover/pairing/prompt) as prize! Multiple submissions per user accepted. Fill our inboxes with SMILES and share the happy!
Any questions let me know?? This is my first time issuing a challenge and consider the gauntlet thrown down. Awwwwww....
😏 2022 😄
Come at me, bro!
ARE YOU IN?? (accepting all answers in the form of GIFs - bahaha!) READERS and WRITERS feel free to STEAL THE BANNER and tag #YEAR OF THE CRACK FIC 2022 when posting/sharing entries (not required, but welcome to!). Tags below cut!
Jaune does something really fucking simple... again.
Jaune: *Listening to James decent to madness* "Huh. Has anyone tired turning off his semblance?"
Everyone: "..."
Jaune: *Sighs* "Give me five minutes."
Five minutes later in Ironwood's office
Ironwood: "I WANT THEM FOUND! BURN THE HERETICS! DEATH AND DESTRUCTION TO ALL WHO OPPOSE PEACE!"
Jaune: "Hey James."
Ironwood: "WHAT!?"
Jaune: *Hits him with a taser*
Ironwood: *Shakes his head* "What? What happened!" *Looks out the window* "HOLY SHIT WHY IS EVERYTHING EXPLODED!?"
Jaune: "Hey Ironwood. Could you check over these orders?"
Ironwood: *grabs the sizeable folder* "EH!? WHO THE FUCK SIGNED OFF ON THESE!?"
Jaune: "What's the last thing you remember?"
Ironwood: "I was fighting Watts... Did he hit me with something?"
Jaune: "No sir. It was your semblance."
Ironwood: "... Shit. How bad?"
Jaune: "War crimes bad."
Ironwood: "Fuck." *turns to winter* "Your in charge Winter I'm going to lock myself into the holding cells." *Removes both of his arms and walks out of the room*
