On April 30th, 9-1-1 episode 9x17, âI Got You Babe,â aired in the USâŚ
and back on March 27th, when i write the Chapter 38 (âDesert Bloomâ) of my fanfiction Unscheduled, I was already exploringâwithout even knowing itâthe theme of Buck and fatherhood. Or rather⌠his desire for it. His need for it đĽşâ¨
My context was different, of course.
In Chapter 31 (âLa Notte delle Mascheâ), almost like a classic Halloween-style âsupernatural moment,â a âwitchâ reads tarot cards for some of themâEddie, Harry, and Buck đđŽ
And as the story unfolds, those predictions slowly come true.
Buckâs reading said:
âYou will see the dust of the road and the green of life. A long journey awaits you. In the silence of nature, you will discover what you werenât looking for: a small flower forgotten among the rocks.â
And thatâs exactly what happens.
In the chapter mentioned above, Buck ends up traveling through the Mojave Desertâand fate leads him to rescue a little girl: Iris đ¤
(The name isnât random. âIrisâ literally means âthe one who announcesââa messenger of Zeus and Hera, traveling on rainbows đâ¨)
After taking care of her for almost two days, sheâs finally ready to return to her familyâŚ
But she leaves something behind in him.
A realization.
One that comes to life in this dialogue at the end of the chapter⌠đâ¨
Chapter 38: Desert Bloom extract
They remained in silence for several minutes. But it was a full silence, laden with emotions. Elara felt the tension in Buckâs muscles and perceived his thoughts racing beneath that calm. She knew that silence well: it was the signal that Evan was arriving at one of his great insights, the moment where he set aside impulsivity to become more reflective.
She turned slightly in his arms, meeting his bright gaze.
"I knew you were mulling over something," she said with a knowing half-smile.
Buck burst into a short, dry laughâthe same one he gave whenever he was caught thinking too much. He scratched the back of his neck, an almost childish gesture that showed his amused embarrassment.
"Is it that obvious?" he asked, pulling her close again.
"Just a little bit, Evan."
He sighed, looking at the embers.
"Itâs just⌠I don't know, Elara. Am I the only one who finds all of this incredibly synchronous, perfect? Think about it. Our trip here: the reason we left right now. Your grandmother is waiting for the exact moment, knowing you would be ready for this house only now. And while weâre here, in the middle of nowhere, this little girl appears. And her name⌠her name is an announcement. And everything connects to what that woman told me at Halloween. Donât you find it all absurd? Wouldnât you feel shaken?"
Elara watched him for a long time, her eyes reflecting the dance of the fire. There was no trace of agitation in her, only an ancestral calm.
"Yes, I suppose it is, if you try to look at it with the logic of 'why.' But you see, Evan, Iâve learned not to fret. Iâve learned that when something isn't a coincidence, it simply isn't."
She shrugged, turning slightly in his arms to see him better.
"When things arrive so perfectly, they must be taken as such. Itâs the natural cycle. The picture is always much larger than what we can see. Trying to understand it when we don't have the means is just wasting energy. I let things happen. When the pieces fit perfectly, itâs because they were meant to be exactly like that. Without effort. Without forcing."
Buck remained quiet, metabolizing those words. Elaraâs philosophy was a balm for his soul, perpetually in search of answers, but there was one thought pressing harder than the others. A thought born from that same "naturalness" she spoke of. He cleared his throat, feeling his heart beat against his ribs.
"ListenâŚ," he began, with a tone that made Elara raise an eyebrow at his sudden seriousness. "I wanted to ask you something. Maybe it seems like it has nothing to do with anything, but⌠when weâre together, well, the only precaution we take is a condom, right? I just wanted to know if, besides that, you take anything else."
Elara looked at him for a moment with a confused expression, caught off guard by the logical leap.
"No," she replied truthfully, studying his profile. "I don't take anything. Iâve never believed in it for myself. I believe unquestioningly in the cycles of nature; you see it too. Altering my biology, my hormonal balance⌠it never felt right to me. I want to be what nature leads me to be, for better or worse. Iâm fine with that. But why are you asking me now?"
Buck took a deep breath, feeling like he was about to jump into a ravine without a parachute, but with the strange certainty that he wouldn't get hurt.
"Exactly because of what you said," he replied, turning to look her in the eyes. "If nothing happens by chance, if everything is part of a perfect design decided by the cosmos or whoever⌠then I wonder who we are to obstruct it. I wonât deny it to you, Elara. In my heart, Iâve always known that one day I would want a child. A family of my own. Itâs a certainty Iâve always had inside me, like a fixed point on the horizon. But I never lucidly formulated the when."
He made a vague gesture toward the darkness. "I watched my sister, I watched the others around me start their lives, and I wasnât in a hurry. I didn't think: 'Oh god, when is it my turn?' It was a desire in limbo, sure, but distant. But now⌠now that we are here⌠I wonder: why hasn't it happened yet? Why wait?"
Elara opened her mouth to speak, but he beat her to it, the flow of words now unstoppable.
"Itâs not just about Iris. Itâs not just the fact that taking care of her came so naturally to us, as if we were programmed to do it together. Itâs realizing that since weâve been here, youâve given me so much⌠we are exactly this. Iâve spent my life looking for someone to be there for, but I never realized I had a desperate need for someone to be there for me. I focused so much on being the one who saves and protects, that I forgot that I, too, need to be saved and protected once in a while."
His voice cracked slightly, laden with a truth he had never admitted even to himself. "And between us, this thing is reciprocal. Itâs natural. We didn't have to say it or solemnly promise it before doing it. It just happens. I have arrived exactly at the place where I always hoped to be, without knowing if it would ever truly exist. And now that I am here, Elara, I wonder why we should obstruct the natural course of events?"
The silence that followed was broken only by the crackle of a log snapping. Elara stared at him, her breath held, struck by the force of that speech.
"And so⌠what exactly are you asking me, Evan?"
"Iâm asking you if we are readyâwhy wait?" he said, leaning toward her. "Let's not set limits on providence. Letâs let it take us wherever weâll arrive. Whatever the journey, I want to take it with you, without barriers."
Elara gave an incredulous laugh, shaking her head.
"You know itâs like getting in the car without a GPS, right? Without a map. Just following instinct, letting the roads guide us and nothing else."
"Maybe itâs not the most rational thing to do," Buck countered with a tired but bright smile. "But look at me. Where has it gotten me, at all costs, seeking a direction? I tried. I tried to understand who I was, I embraced my sexuality, my evolution⌠and Iâm happy with those steps forward in my awareness. Iâve talked to you about it. You know how important it was for me to accept myself. But, if I look outside, concretely, Iâve never moved. Iâve discovered so much of what I have inside, but outside, Iâve stayed in the same spot. I want to start building something real. Something of our own."
Elara took his hand, interlacing her fingers with his. Her skin was cool, her grip firm.
"In truth, I am ready for this journey, Evan. I think Iâve been ready since⌠not since the first time I saw you, maybe that would be too much, but certainly since you took me to the botanical garden. And especially after the lake. Do you remember when we went skinny-dipping and had that first kiss? I think Iâve known it since that day."
Her eyes shone with a new light, a fragility she rarely showed.
"You can't explain how two souls find each other and know it immediately. The greatest gift you could give me tonight is to say out loud what I feel deep down but have never dared to hope for. You always see me calm and confident, but the truth is I tend to expect the worst. If you expect the worst, youâll never be disappointed, right? Itâs my way of protecting myself."
Buck felt a wave of love so powerful it took his breath away. There was no need for further explanations, more proof of destiny, or interpretations of ancient names. The answer was there, in the way their hands fit perfectly, as if they had been cast from the same mold.
He took her face in his hands, his thumbs caressing her high cheekbones, and looked at her as if she were the only solid thing in a universe of shadows. There were no more doubts, nor the fear of the future, nor the weight of the past. There was only that moment, that dying fire, and a door opening wide toward the unknown.
It was a kiss that resembled no other. It wasn't just passion, it wasn't just comfort. It was a seal. It was the signature on a pact that went beyond time and space. In that contact, Buck communicated to her everything that words could not contain: his promise to stay, his desire to create a life together, his total surrender to that destiny that had brought them there, among the dust and rocks of the desert.
They thus sealed their union before that dying fire, without needing to add any more clichÊ words. The silence that followed was pregnant with the future, no longer frightening because it was no longer empty. They were ready. The journey had begun, and this time Buck didn't need a map to know he was finally on the right road.