#evanbuckley

UPDATE: THIS HAS BEEN FOUND.

It is the BAU Buckley Series by Ficalicious on AO3.

.•♫•♬• ʟᴏᴏᴋɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ ʟᴏᴠᴇ •♬•♫•.

Evan Buckley 🤍

what if love isn’t one person… but every version of you that tried to hold onto it? 🖤

Evan Buckley is a mess of feelings he never really learned how to name. Too much heart. Too fast. Too deep.

And sometimes? He doesn’t even know what he’s looking for— only that he can’t stop searching. ✨

To the notes of “Cercasi Amore” — Gatto Panceri (yes, that kind of aching, searching love), this one-shot follows Buck through every version of love he thought was the right one:

Abby. Ali. Taylor. Tommy.

…and then—

someone without a name. without a face.

just a feeling.

👉 but you HAVE to read it with the song playing trust me, it changes everything 🎧✨

Because maybe love isn’t about who you choose. Maybe it’s about what finally stays.

✨ welcome to the heart of Evan Buckley and all the ways it learned to love

https://archiveofourown.org/works/81024126

Chooseable: A Meta on Buck’s Arc and Why It Was Never About Destiny

Before I start, I want to say this gently:

This is a fan theory. It’s not an attack on Buddie. It’s not meant to invalidate anyone’s interpretation. It’s simply how I personally read Buck’s arc on 9-1-1.

You’re absolutely allowed to disagree. I only ask that disagreement stays respectful. We can interpret the same story in different ways without tearing each other apart.

Okay.

Fan Theory: Buck has never been searching for love. He’s been searching for proof that he’s chooseable.

If you follow Evan Buckley’s journey from Season 1 onward, his arc isn’t fundamentally romantic.

It’s about identity.

1. Buck Was Born to Be Useful

Buck isn’t “the guy who loves too much.” He’s the child who was born to save someone.

The Daniel reveal reframes everything. It’s not just family drama — it’s psychological foundation.

Buck wasn’t born to exist. He was born to fix.

And when that becomes your origin story, your entire sense of self is tied to usefulness.

The question under all of Buck’s behavior becomes: “If I’m not needed, who am I?”

2. Seasons 1–2: The Body as Anesthesia

Early Buck is impulsive, hypersexual, adrenaline-driven.

But that’s not shallowness. That’s avoidance.

Sex. Risk. Chaos. Those aren’t expressions of freedom.

They’re noise.

Because silence forces him to confront the fear that he has no intrinsic worth.

Buck doesn’t want to be loved for who he is. He wants to be necessary.

That distinction defines him.

3. The 118: Love vs. Usefulness

At the 118, something shifts.

For the first time, people care if he disappears.

That’s new. That’s destabilizing. That’s terrifying.

Being needed is safe. Being loved is fragile.

So Buck oscillates: – deep attachment – self-sabotage – control – constant reassurance-seeking

He believes abandonment is inevitable, so if something feels too good, he destabilizes it first.

Because controlling the loss feels safer than being blindsided by it.

4. The Daniel Reveal: The Core Wound

When Buck learns the truth about his birth, his internal narrative changes permanently.

It’s no longer: “My parents didn’t understand me.”

It becomes: “I was never meant to be me.”

That creates three deep wounds: – fear of being second choice – anger at parental betrayal – compulsion to compensate

From here comes his most dangerous pattern: If something feels too good, he risks it himself.

Control over abandonment.

5. Buck’s Bisexuality Is Consistent, Not a Twist

Buck’s fluidity doesn’t contradict his arc — it fits it.

He’s never been rigid. He’s connection-oriented, not label-oriented.

The real question isn’t who he loves. It’s why he chooses.

If love has always functioned as proof, validation, necessity — then his endgame cannot be passion-based or destiny-based.

It has to be stability-based.

6. Seasons 7–9: The Shift Toward Maturity

In the later seasons, Buck changes.

He stays in hard conversations. He doesn’t flee immediately. He tolerates vulnerability. He asks for reciprocity.

He isn’t healed. But he’s self-aware.

And this leads to the central thesis:

The person who stays with Buck long-term won’t be someone who completes him.

It will be someone who doesn’t need to be saved by him.

He needs someone who: – doesn’t idealize him – doesn’t fear him – doesn’t use him as emotional scaffolding – doesn’t leave when he stops being the hero

Someone who stands in front of him when he’s wrong. Not behind him.

Someone who teaches him duration.

His happy ending won’t be loud. It will be quiet.

7. Buck and Eddie: The Deepest Bond in the Show

Let me be very clear:

Buck and Eddie have the deepest connection on 9-1-1.

And that’s exactly why I don’t read them as romantic.

Intimacy is not automatically romance.

What they share is intimacy — but of a specific kind.

8. Eddie Is Not the Resolution of Buck’s Core Trauma

Buck’s foundational wound is: “I exist to be useful.”

To truly heal, he needs someone who: – doesn’t depend on him to survive – doesn’t need rescuing – doesn’t choose him because he’s indispensable

Eddie enters Buck’s life with Christopher.

Buck becomes essential in that dynamic.

He’s steady. Protective. Present.

But that also means he’s necessary again.

That doesn’t make the bond unhealthy. It just means it doesn’t fully break the original pattern.

9. Eddie Is a Mirror, Not a Regulator

Buck and Eddie are deeply similar.

They both: – carry family trauma – struggle to ask for help – default to self-sacrifice – protect others to avoid themselves

They understand each other instinctively.

But they amplify each other.

They don’t regulate each other.

And mature Buck needs grounding, not mirroring.

10. They’ve Already Said “I Love You” — Just Not Romantically

There’s a kind of love that isn’t romantic.

It’s ontological. Foundational.

Buck and Eddie have already expressed that kind of love:

– absolute trust – guardianship – instinctive loyalty – emotional belonging

That bond feels complete.

Romanticizing it could actually reduce it.

Because its strength is that it’s not dependent on desire.

11. Buck’s Romantic Arc Must Exist Outside the Firehouse

If Buck’s growth is about identity and conscious choice, his endgame relationship must:

– not be built on shared trauma – not revolve around mutual saving – not function as an extension of the 118

Eddie is family. Chosen family. Emotional brotherhood.

But Buck’s romantic love has to exist outside that ecosystem.

Not as mission. As choice.

12. Final Synthesis

Buck and Eddie are not a failed romance.

They are a completed love in another form.

And some bonds don’t evolve because they’re lacking.

TOMMY KINARD - Love, Unplugged - Chapter 5 now on AO3

Sneak Peek:

...He stood, wincing as his back cracked. Today, he felt ancient. He shuffled into the kitchen and started the coffee maker, trying to shake off the memories that clung to him. Last night had been intense, but that was nothing new. They always burned hot together. The problem was everything that happened outside the bedroom. Words. Feelings. All the things they never managed to say until it was too late.

Coffee in hand, he walked to the bedroom. The sheets were tangled. His clothes were still scattered across the floor. No trace of Buck. It almost looked like Tommy had imagined the whole thing. But he knew better.

Tommy placed the mug on the nightstand, went to the bathroom, dropped his sweatpants and stepped into the shower. The hot water eased his tense muscles. As he lathered, he noticed the bruises Buck's fingers had left on his skin. He chuckled at the sight, knowing Buck would have a few bruises of his own.