Batfamily Comm Lines pt.1
Damian: I am highly trained in several methods of combat and weaponry. I am the Son of the Bat, heir to the Demon's Head throne, and I do not follow-
Jason: I'm not taking orders from someone who is anemic.
Dick: Anemic? Whose anemic?
Jason: Damian is. He's been anemic since-
Damian: Todd, silence. Be quiet. Think of everything I have on you-
Jason, laughing: Ohhhh sensitive topic for you, Dami? He's fucking deficient in iron. Has been since like 7.
Tim: Why are you ashamed of being anemic? The fuck.
Jason: You take iron supplements.
Damian: And you take Flintstone vitamins, idiot. You are a child.
Dick, raising an eyebrow: Wait⌠weâre really having a nutritional roast mid-patrol?
Jason, grinning: Absolutely. Damianâs secret weakness is iron deficiency. Who knew the perfect little assassin had a soft spot?
Damian, flaring: I am notâ
Tim: Ohhhh, so itâs okay if you pop a pill every morning but I get grief for a missing organ?
Damian, fuming, clenching his fists: I do not pop pills frivolously! Each iron tablet is calculated, precise, and necessary for optimal performance! You, however, lost a spleen due to your own stupidity-
Jason: Optimal performance? It's literally a vitamin.
Dick: Honestly, Iâm just impressed that weâre having a rooftop argument about vitamins and organs mid-patrol. Gotham must be proud.
Jason, pointing at Damian: You hear that, tiny vampire? Dickâs siding with me.
Damian, growling: â He is not. And I will have you know, Todd, that my blood iron levels areââ
Jason, cutting him off: ââsad. And small. And hilarious. Got it.â
Tim: We literally have to just deprive him of vitamins and he'll be out of our hair.
Jason: He skips one meal and he's a goner.
Dick giggling: Youâre talking about Damian like heâs a Tamagotchi.
Damian, outraged: I AM STANDING RIGHT HERE.
Jason, nodding seriously: Yeah, and youâre standing there on borrowed iron.
Tim, deadpan: âIâm just saying, tactically, if he ever goes rogue, we cut off access to supplements. No swords. No traps. Just⌠nutritional neglect.â
Damian, drawing his blade: I will end all of you.
Bruce, finally cutting in over comms: If anyone deprives anyone else of vitamins, I swear I will ground all of you.
Damian: This family is a disgrace.
Dick grinning as he leaps off the roof: Yeahâbut weâre a well-nourished disgrace.