By the end of Saezuru, which we know is approaching, I would really like to see a follow/up to Kageyama x Kuga and Amou x Misumi. The latter is not (yet) a proper pairing but I think there are signs. Alas no access now to the material to substantiate my claim.

Yashiro spiralled into an identity crisis, while ironically becoming more aware of himself. He could no longer pretend to be someone he wasn’t, so he lost his lifelong coping mechanism and his only distraction method. He appeared pretty uninspired, downcast, foggy (trouble recalling events and remembering things), irritable (limited patience with Misumi, Nanahara, and even Doumeki), which are all symptoms of depression. In chapter 47 he expressed that his life was pointless and irredeemable, or more broadly, hopeless, which are also symptoms of depression. And, he also alluded to wishing he were dead, while remembering how he lost sight in his right eye.

It’s harder to know what Doumeki was going through, since he’s expressionless even when he’s content. But we know that Muraji described him as gloomy and quiet. We can also suppose that he suppressed his sexuality for those 4 years out of guilt, given that he didn’t admit to having a girlfriend or sleeping with sex workers. He also believes that woman wouldn’t approach him because of his scars and that Tsunakawa doesn’t trust him & wouldn’t promote him. To me, these things suggest that Doumeki thinks of himself as unsuitable for certain roles and replaceable. After their reunion, Doumeki admitted that he hasn’t forgotten that Yashiro cast him away. And I would imagine he didn’t forget the whole reason he joined the yakuza. I would also imagine the rejection hit him hard, considering that Yashiro more than showed Doumeki his love for him.

I guess everyone can make their own judgment, but it’s clear that they both struggled. I think the most heartbreaking aspect of their separation is that they both knew what they were missing out on the whole time. They knew what they could have had was at their fingertips— the joy, the love, the trust, the understanding, the respect. Yet, they would never have those things again.

Maybe if we consider how the last 4 years benefited each, it might be easier to decide who coped better. Yashiro became “half-civilian,” which is half a step closer to being free from a life of greed, selfishness, dishonesty, and corruption. As a result, he probably has much less contact with yakuza assholes that look down on him, or resent him for his bond with Misumi. Yashiro’s ability to thrive on the fringes of the underworld is also a testament to his own normalcy; it’s his proof that he can indeed blend in with the rest of society, disproving the “fact” that he is a deviant who is only fit to be a yakuza.

Doumeki on the other hand has undoubtedly grown as a person. He’s developed his own values and built relationships with people. He spent 4 years working his way up from live-in servant to debt-collector, which is definitely an achievement. That’s probably the yakuza equivalent to graduating from university. He gets to use his strength and natural qualities without judgment from his peers. He rescued Niki. Doumeki’s probably felt a range of emotions, and a variety of good and bad experiences. All in all, he’s not holding onto one single thing for happiness and fulfillment, like he did in the past. Although he probably struggles with immense guilt, I think he’s also developed some confidence in himself and his abilities. He certainly comes off as extremely self-assured post timeskip. Everything being said, it’s pretty hard to decide who coped better, so I’ll let everyone come to their own conclusion.

As for why Amou helped Doumeki back into the yakuza, I think it’s probably because he saw himself in Doumeki. Amou also followed Misumi into the yakuza despite being discouraged from it, and having other, more desirable paths available to him. Amou can understand and empathize with Doumeki’s feelings as well as his struggle, and simply wanted to help him out of kindness.

Me pergunto se você me amou de fato,

desse teu jeito torto, de que ama

uma pessoa por estação do ano.

Everyone, thank you very much for your patience. The Analysis of Saezuru CP 43 is ready!

All credits goes to:

真诚发电站

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Special Thanks: 甜豆荚子／墨谷谷谷／杜若蘅蕪AY／曇天決行 

Composing: memesheep

And please go show them some love. They are REALLY amazing people! I don’t think I can see Saezuru as it is now without them!

The Analysis of Saezuru CP 43

Please read CP 43 before you read the analysis, or you may find it hard to understand.

There is a huge secret hidden in the chapter. And I couldn’t catch it after reading the chapter 3 times!

The secret is......

It’s NOT the right eye!

Please tell me what do you think about it! I am SO ready for more discussion on both Yashiro and Doumeki after 4 years!

Things that changed. Things that didn’t change. What can never change is...

Update @30/12/2020

Quand je vois les beautés du monde Je pense à toi Toi qui es beau Toi qui me fais ressentir ça Toi dont je baignerais les yeux Des beautés qui baignent les miens Si je pouvais Je t'offrirais le monde entier Dans un écrin