Saezuru CP.45 Analysis
Itâs been a long while. Here I deliver you the analysis of CP.45. I still have get the analysis for CP.46 yet, but if I got any new, I will definitely update you ASAP.

Origami Around
noise dept.
h
sheepfilms
todays bird
art blog(derogatory)
Not today Justin
Peter Solarz
Claire Keane

if i look back, i am lost
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Xuebing Du
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year

Love Begins
Sade Olutola
Mike Driver
dirt enthusiast

#extradirty
will byers stan first human second
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

seen from United States

seen from TĂŒrkiye

seen from United Kingdom
seen from TĂŒrkiye
seen from Kenya
seen from Netherlands
seen from Malaysia
seen from Singapore

seen from Malaysia

seen from France
seen from United States
seen from Ireland
seen from Malaysia

seen from United States

seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
@kiriharaakira
Saezuru CP.45 Analysis
Itâs been a long while. Here I deliver you the analysis of CP.45. I still have get the analysis for CP.46 yet, but if I got any new, I will definitely update you ASAP.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
Bad news. My computer is in store for repair so I can't post any answer with complicated analysis. Yes, @shittychans, I am talking about your question. On top of that, I will need more time to reread the manga for a more complete answer for your question, so I would shamelessly ask you to be patient. I will come back to you once I done wit the research âŠand my computer back. Sorry and sorry and I am super ver sorry.
Hello! Have you read ch 46? I would like to read some of your thoughts about it. Especially why Doumeki acted this way, why he lied about having a woman and everythingâŠ
Because they are not talking in the same channel again.
Yashiro : He used to be so nice to me, why does he do this to me now ?
Doumeki : I will hurt him by being gentle, but I really want to touch him. I will do it rough, so I won't hurt you (psychologically).
This is basically what happened.
In case if anyone wonder where I am. I am in a total chaos right now. I need to work, and I need to take care of the final project of my Art & Design Certificate, and then the analysis. I am working my (------) off but I fear I cannot give you a specific time of when I can get it out. I will work as much as I can to get it out ASAP. Sorry for everyone waiting. đą
I would like to talk about the front page of the new chapter. Mostly about the bird Yashiro was reaching out to.
First, what is this bird ? According to @joyfullyholyluminary , this is Quetzal Bird, a representation of freedom in Maya Mythology. It has a rather interesting characteristic : Quetzal Bird cannot be kept as a pet. Once they are held in captivity, they will slowly lose their will to survive, until they pull out their own feathers and freeze themselves to die.
Donât you think this characteristic sounds familiar ?
We keep our pets indoor to keep them away from predators, bad weather, natural disaster, and extreme temperatures. We provide them food and shelter to protect them. But for Quetzal Bird, these are cursing more than blessing.
Just like Yashiro.
Doumeki wished to bond with Yashiro, this is what everyone will do when they are in love. However, things donât work the same for Yashiro, who had the formula of âLove = Betrayalâ written in his survival instinct.
Same as we keep Quetzal Bird in an enclosure to protect it will result in its death, Doumeki trying to bond with Yashiro will slowly kill Yashiro, so severe that he went to Hirata suicidally. Quetzal Bird cannot be contained, just like Yashiro cannot be loved. Doumekiâs love to Yashiro will kill him. Just like Quetzal Bird.
After talking to Nanahara on the roof, Doumeki learned what stupid things he had done. He didnât see his feelings on Yashiroâs viewing point and did whatever a normal person will do (which was trying to bond with Yashiro), and pushed Yashiro to the cliff of suicide. Now he understands Yashiroâs defects, what will he do to stay with Yashiro ? He once treats Yashiro gently, it triggered Yashiroâs protective instinct and cause him to flee. If he treats Yashiro normally, he will be a normal passing by. If he treats Yashiro violently (which I believe he will die to prevent it. This is just a If.), he is just an ordinary man who will hurt him.
What action Doumeki will take to bond Yashiro with him without hurting him, it will be my main interest to the coming story.
But in the pic Yashiro seems to be trying to grab at the bird and Doumeki seems to be trying to prevent him from grabbing it. Couldnât that mean that Doumeki is trying to show Yashiro the way to freedom and happiness, instead?
I would like to answer the comments of @bururaven, @harumemories and @senreis.
It seems you are more interested in the representation of Quetzal Bird, so letâs talk about freedom for Yashiro and Doumeki.
What is freedom for Doumeki? Freedom in Doumekiâs eyes, is Yashiro can be free from his nightmare and trauma, and live a life he can free to love or be loved without feeling any pain or suffering. For Doumeki, Yashiroâs self-destructive behavior was building a cage of masochist to trap himself in. He wants to break this cage and set Yashiro free.
This is the regular concept of regular human. What Doumeki did was what regular people did when they are trying to rescue their love one from their pain. This is very romantic. However, does Yashiro feel the same? Or let me ask this : Does Yashiro need rescue?
Yashiro, who has a twisted concept of value, see things different from regular perspective. For him, falling in love is suffering, binding with someone is life-threatening. With this twisted value, what is freedom in his eyes?
For Yashiro, freedom is what he was doing all along : messing around with uncountable strangers, sleeping around with guys he know not their names, and cut any relationship that he found too close to his heart. He can stay safe as long as he stay a bystander, who has no close bind with any existent on this earth. This is how he protect his heart from getting betrayed again. He use pain to remind himself how will it feels if he ever give his heart to someone. This pain is bearable, and it will protect him from the pain that are unbearable.
This is why I hesitate to use âFreedomâ as the main focus to analyze this front page, because Yashiro and Doumeki did not understand âFreedomâ in the same perspective. The cage Doumeki wants to break to free Yashiro, is actually the fortress Yashiro built to protect himself. Doumekiâs intention to set Yashiro free, was to take away Yashiroâs finally armor and lay his shameful wounds bare for everyone to see. Doumekiâs act trying to rescue Yashiro, did nothing but push Yashiro to the cliff of suicide.
I will die to see Yashiro rescued, but not with Doumekiâs previous act. Those action couldnât rescue Yashiro at all. I hope Doumeki today can truly understand Yashiroâs feelings, and take away his painful armor without doing pain on him. Only if he can achieve this, shall Yashiro truly be rescued.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
omg Yashiroâs eyes hahahahah. I have spent pretty much every minute since I woke up scavenging the internet for spoilers and DAMN I am so excited for this update. Also, is Yashiro blushing in the top left panel? Hmmm
Oooh lookit dem eyes! not so cool now are we? I would love to see the pages before this because basically Doumeki is saying
âWhy do you want it?â (Or him?)
Yashiro : âDafuq, I do not!â
D : âThatâs not how it looks like to meâ
Y : âFuck youâ
D : âAre you volunteering?â
Y thought bubble : âIf you only knew how much Iâd love toâ
I paraphrased a bit, but thatâs what happened in a nutshell.
THIS!!! And we all want Yashiro to volunteer!!
Yashiro will not volunteer, not to Doumeki, and Doumeki will not do it with Yashiro. Not now.
I had keep repeating how Yashiro refuse Doumeki because of his twisted survival instinct. Yashiro cannot accept Doumeki because he âknewâ Doumeki is going to betray him (Thanks for his parents). He is not going to accept Doumeki, let alone volunteer any intimacy with him. This will trigger his survival instinct of âNever Fall in Loveâ and cause him to take self-protective action, EX. flee.
However, what we see here was not Yashiro refusing Doumeki. Although it was part of the reason, but most importantly, Yashiro was trying to pull himself together. In CP1 he said âI keep protect myself by making myself a Bystander.â But this doesnât work with Doumeki, because Doumeki kept interfering with his life, so severe that he cannot stay as a bystander anymore. To âprotect himselfâ, Yashiro has to make himself a bystander again. He did this a lot to Doumeki back in the chapters. In CP2, he had it with a man and ask Doumeki to watch aside. In CP11, he pressed on Doumekiâs wound trying to make him admit âIt hurtsâ. (The point here was not âThe wound hurtsâ but âKashira you hurt meâ. He trying to make Doumeki admit he will harm him, but Doumeki refused to.) In CP32 he used all kinds of wicked words to hurt Doumeki. Beside driving him away, Yashiro trying to make himself coldhearted, so he can stay bystander without being drawn in Doumekiâs passionate affection.Â
On the other hand, Doumeki cannot do anything to Yashiro either, at least not now. In the analysis of the pervious chapter, we discussed about âHow Doumekiâs current Yakuza ranking affect his relationship with Yashiroâ. In the bathroom, why did Yashiro dare to provoke Doumeki to do it with him? Because he was sure âDoumeki cannot do anything to himâ. Doumeki is now an official member of Sakura Family, and Yashiro is the guest invited by his Kumichou Tsunekawa, later became his cooperator. As a subordinate, Doumeki is going to face some serious trouble if he dare do anything to Yashiro, let alone do it all the way to the end.
Although this is only Yashiroâs guessing, but it was not totally wrong. Why Doumeki joined Yakuza? Because he wanted to stay in the same world with Yashiro, and more importantly, he wants to protect Yashiro. So how can he achieved this? He needs to become much stronger, much higher rank, and much more powerful. He needs to become more powerful than Misumi to free Yashiro from his captivity. If Doumeki did anything serious to Yashiro, Tsunekawaâs cooperator and Misumiâs sworn son, he would be most likely get Hamon from Tsunekawa and has to prepare for Misumiâs revenge. This is the absolute opposite of his goal to become powerful. He is not going to do that.
Doumeki cannot do anything to Yashiro because he is still in the curling stage. Yashiro will not volunteer to Doumeki because he is still trying to make himself a bystander. Yashiroâs trembling mental condition aside, Doumeki is now also in the center of storm. From the newest chapter we learn he already caught the attention of the Enemy Group. I fear what will happen to them in the coming story.
I would like to talk about the front page of the new chapter. Mostly about the bird Yashiro was reaching out to.
First, what is this bird ? According to @joyfullyholyluminary , this is Quetzal Bird, a representation of freedom in Maya Mythology. It has a rather interesting characteristic : Quetzal Bird cannot be kept as a pet. Once they are held in captivity, they will slowly lose their will to survive, until they pull out their own feathers and freeze themselves to die.
Don't you think this characteristic sounds familiar ?
We keep our pets indoor to keep them away from predators, bad weather, natural disaster, and extreme temperatures. We provide them food and shelter to protect them. But for Quetzal Bird, these are cursing more than blessing.
Just like Yashiro.
Doumeki wished to bond with Yashiro, this is what everyone will do when they are in love. However, things don't work the same for Yashiro, who had the formula of "Love = Betrayal" written in his survival instinct.
Same as we keep Quetzal Bird in an enclosure to protect it will result in its death, Doumeki trying to bond with Yashiro will slowly kill Yashiro, so severe that he went to Hirata suicidally. Quetzal Bird cannot be contained, just like Yashiro cannot be loved. Doumeki's love to Yashiro will kill him. Just like Quetzal Bird.
After talking to Nanahara on the roof, Doumeki learned what stupid things he had done. He didn't see his feelings on Yashiro's viewing point and did whatever a normal person will do (which was trying to bond with Yashiro), and pushed Yashiro to the cliff of suicide. Now he understands Yashiro's defects, what will he do to stay with Yashiro ? He once treats Yashiro gently, it triggered Yashiro's protective instinct and cause him to flee. If he treats Yashiro normally, he will be a normal passing by. If he treats Yashiro violently (which I believe he will die to prevent it. This is just a If.), he is just an ordinary man who will hurt him.
What action Doumeki will take to bond Yashiro with him without hurting him, it will be my main interest to the coming story.
Hello. I love your blog, and the amazing analysis you provide :) they really provide great insight to the overall story. I wanted to ask a you a quick question if I can. What example(s) in the story would you say really show that Yashiro cares for Doumeki? I'm just curious to know others opinions on this question :) thank you.
This...is actually a tough question to answer, because they are everywhere! From Yashiro helped Doumeki and his family, to he tried to let Doumeki go back to his family, to he lost control after Doumeki almost got shot, to he shot Doumeki himself to prevent he confronting Hirata with him. Yashiroâs care to Doumeki was all over the pages. What was special, or letâs say unusual, was Yashiroâs care to Doumeki was not ordinary. Oh well Yashiroâs care to anyone was not ordinary at all.
Yashiro doesnât know how to care to others, since he was never been cared before. Yet he still trying to care for others. For me it seems a bit off. If Yashiro never been cared before, why does he know to care of others? I can only guess he was actually once cared by his Mother, and even Birth Father. That was how he learn human can care. However, before he ever learn âHow to careâ, his Step Father entered his life, and he never learn the true meaning to care anymore.
I am truly glad Yashiro knows to care, but I also feels painful Yashiro knows to care. If Yashiro never learn to care, he would be much cruel and his madness will give vent to others instead of himself. He will be aggressive like a beast, but he will not drown in the pain and suffering like he now is. Because he knows to care, he knows the pain. The pain that he suffered from his childhood, and now continue to his adulthood, which he further piling up as a pain killer. What does this mean? Letâs say his previous pain was LV1, in order to surpass this pain, he put a LV2 pain on himself. And when this pain was unbearable, he put LV3 pain so he could forget the LV2 pain...and so on.Â
There is a phrase in Chinese âéŁČéŽæąæžŽâ, it means âDrink poison to reduce thirstyâ. This is exactly what Yashiroâs doing. The more he try to stop his pain, the more he suffer. The same goes to his care to others. You think he enjoyed shooting Doumeki on his leg? Of course not. He hurt the same like Doumeki. But that was the only action he could take to stop Doumeki from following him to Hirata, the only method he knows to protect others. His care is pain, his protection is suffering. He suffer himself to protect others, like his kissed Inami to prevent him hurting Doumeki further. He suffer others to protect them, like he shoot Doumeki to prevent him going to get like like Yashiro himself.
I truly hope one day, Yashiro can learn the true method to care. A method that he doesnât need to hurt himself or others, a method that will bring him true happiness and free of pain.
PS: Yashiroâs care show in small place that are not plot related. For example, in the CP 3.5 (Movie Booklet), there was a dinning scene of Yashiro and Doumeki, and we could see their plate :
Doumeki was using a bigger plate that Yashiro (LOL) Donât you think this is a form of care from Yashiro?
Why Yashiro will NOT make the first move on his relation with Doumeki?
I want to answer the post of @abuelitnt and @darkwitchxeres, but the post seems to turn out a bit too long, so I think it may be easier for you to read if I start a new post.
I know you girls always want Yashiro to make the first move. Yes, we all want him to show his desire to Doumeki, show he wants him. It will be the happily every after we all dying for. However, I fear this will not easily happen, if not never happen. I donât want to say anything too pessimistic, but Yashiroâs current mental state is not hopeful at all.
To understand Yashiroâs behavior, we will need to go back to his childhood. That is where everything started. We are well aware that Yashiro was sexually violated when he was at the age of mental developing stage, which caused his twisted sexual desire and unhealthy protective instinct by making himself a masochist. However, despite his twisted value on sex and relationship, we usually forgot he was betrayed by his immediate family.
What is family? Family is suppose closest to you before you can individually survive on your own. Family represent our future intimacy once we grow old enough to know the different of gender, because our goal is to build our own family, which is represented by our immediate family.
 Yashiro, who was betrayed by his very family, learn this : If I build an intimacy, I will get betray.Â
This knowledge affected Yashiroâs life significantly, and eventually became another protective instinct of him along with his Masochist.
This protective instinct named Philophobia.
I mentioned Philophobia several times before. This is a fear of intimacy. This is not exactly a mental disorder, itâs more like a mental condition. Philophobia occurs after experience of infidelity, betrayal or heartbreak. These experiences wrote the formula Affection = Betrayal = Getting Hurt into protective instinct. It tells Yashiro âStay away from love, or I will get hurt.â
This is why I am certain Yashiro will not make the first move, because this will trigger his protective instinct and cause him to take protective action (ex. flee). He cannot show his desire to Doumeki, and he cannot accept Doumekiâs love, because it means to build an intimacy = going to get betray. Just like what his family did to him.
However, not all hopes are lost. Maybe some of you already notice it. Philophobia isnât fear of love itself, but fear of betrayal and heartbreaking after falling in love. What doesnât this mean? This mean Yashiro can love Doumeki, he just isnât able to tell Doumeki or accept Doumekiâs feeling to him.
We could see it in the plot. In CP. 44, we saw Yashiro masturbating while thinking of Doumeki. No matter that was true memory or mere imagination, Yashiro masturbated thinking of Doumekiâs sweetness. This is our hope. Yashiro cannot accept love, but he can love. He also notice Doumekiâs feeling to him. (Although now he is convinced Doumeki hate him)
What Doumeki did to Yashiro was indeed awful, it broke Yashiro as he stated. However, Yashiroâs masochist mask needs to be broken for Doumeki to reach inside, and reach the true Yashiro. Reach to the young Yashiro who is still trapped in that small apartment, hypnotizing himself to be a masochist so he could face that never ending pain forced by his very family.
Yashiro had changed, he can now able to feel love, he just cannot admit it. However, this is only the beginning of his long and painful healing process. Yashiro still needs help, he needs immediate attention on his mental condition. The environment is not very friendly to him. I only hope Doumeki can really protect Yashiro, and assist him on his painful path of healing.
Reference : <<What is Philophobia?>> â- WebMD https://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/what-is-philophobia
Maybe you are right and most likely that will happen, Yashiro will always react to something, he will never take the initiative with Doumeki and he will never make things happen regarding his feelings and traumas and that annoys me ⊠uhmmm, annoying is not the correct expression, I think sad, it makes me sad that it is always like this. I understand everything about his past, his family trauma and his fear of intimacy, but hasnât Doumeki shown him in various ways that he is there for him? I feel that Yashiroâs attitude of raising his defenses against everything that is intimacy, is simply something comfortable and even cowardly on his part, it is easier to move forward that way, but he will never heal, I have never seen the will to heal , he simply doesnât care, even knowing that what he does is wrong, he continues to do it, because he survives but also suffers (and personally I want him to make the decision to heal is for him and for him, not for someone else, Doumeki only must accompany him on his way). To that suffering, he found an escape, the easiest escape, death, but that didnât happen and heâll continue in this spiral of self-destruction until he wants and has the will to stop, but I do not see it. But I keep the secret hope that he wants to do it, that he wants to stop, only then he can live his life healthily And as you say, my ray of hope is that even though he turns on with Darkmeki, he only manages to remember the Doumeki from four years ago, the one who hides that suit and those gloves and I want him to go out and look for him . Maybe I have a very logical mind. For me it is âI do something and you do something of equal value and we will be togetherâ, an x ââ= y and I see that these moments Doumeki and Yashiro are in this logical expression with respect to love, x > y, being x Doumeki, doing more for his love than Yashiro. I have read several of your opinions and analyzes and in some way, most of them are fulfilled in the future and my desire that x > y pass to x = y and that Yashiro wants to match it is simply stubborn on my part, a very close possibility that that never happens ⊠but that doesnât take away my hope ⊠And thank you for remembering me after so long
Yes of course I remember you! Sorry Sorry Sorry I couldnât get this out sooner. Sorry. I apologize!
Yashiroâs twisted hobbit is unresolvable. Itâs like...imagine this : There was a 100 floors tall office building. It had been there for 40 years and was operating perfectly for past 40 years. And suddenly, a structural report showed there were many defects at the fundamental structure and needed immediate attention. The best way to solve it was to rebuild the whole foundation. Now how can they do it without moving the 100 floors above? Is this even possible? No! They could only put more supportive structure on the foundation to sustain its structure. The more the foundation rot, the more supportive structures they add on it. Until the foundation became too weak to support the 100 floor above, then will they dismantle the whole building and build a new foundation and a new building above it.
This is Yashiroâs current condition. His foundation of life is rotten to bone, but he cannot do anything to it. As he stated, âI will have to abandon who I am.â Accepting Doumeki means he has to change his foundation, this means he has to abandon the young Yashiro who struggle and survive until now. He will need to make his life a pathetic joke. So this lead us to another problem : His Philophobia.
Itâs not the problem if Doumeki is there for him or not. Itâs the problem Yashiro cannot assure Doumeki will be there for him. Philophobia is the fear of betrayal after fallen in love. Yashiro cannot certain Doumeki, who makes the promise today, will be there for him after 30 / 40 / 50 years (If they live that long). He cannot travel through time and see if Doumeki still there for him years after. The consequence to accept Doumeki is way over the top for Yashiro. Once he choose to accept Doumeki and abandon himself, he will need to rely on Doumeki psychologically for the rest of his life. But how can he assure Doumeki will never turn his back to him? Maybe he will just walk away with somebody else after he gave his whole heart to him, just like his family. This is a death cycle, and this is ridiculous too. We all know we are going no where if we keep suspicious on matters that may not even happen. Yashiro knows it too, and he think it is stupid too. He just couldnât get himself out of it. This rule had been written in his survival instinct the day his mental stage was developed. To change it, it will be like my example above. Yashiro has to remove Yashiro so he can change his foundation, but this is mentally self-destruction. It will be much much easier for him to just commit suicide.
This is the death cycle blocking the path of their happy ending. This is why I suggested Doumeki to imprison Yashiro a while ago (at around CP. 34). Beside my personal interest, Yashiro need a world only he and Doumeki exist to surpass his Philophobia. He needs a privet world that is completely separated from the whole world for him to learn to rely on Doumeki. Only that can they break the death cycle and achieve happy ending.Â
Why Yashiro will NOT make the first move on his relation with Doumeki?
I want to answer the post of @abuelitnt and @darkwitchxeres, but the post seems to turn out a bit too long, so I think it may be easier for you to read if I start a new post.
I know you girls always want Yashiro to make the first move. Yes, we all want him to show his desire to Doumeki, show he wants him. It will be the happily every after we all dying for. However, I fear this will not easily happen, if not never happen. I donât want to say anything too pessimistic, but Yashiroâs current mental state is not hopeful at all.
To understand Yashiroâs behavior, we will need to go back to his childhood. That is where everything started. We are well aware that Yashiro was sexually violated when he was at the age of mental developing stage, which caused his twisted sexual desire and unhealthy protective instinct by making himself a masochist. However, despite his twisted value on sex and relationship, we usually forgot he was betrayed by his immediate family.
What is family? Family is suppose closest to you before you can individually survive on your own. Family represent our future intimacy once we grow old enough to know the different of gender, because our goal is to build our own family, which is represented by our immediate family.
 Yashiro, who was betrayed by his very family, learn this : If I build an intimacy, I will get betray.Â
This knowledge affected Yashiroâs life significantly, and eventually became another protective instinct of him along with his Masochist.
This protective instinct named Philophobia.
I mentioned Philophobia several times before. This is a fear of intimacy. This is not exactly a mental disorder, itâs more like a mental condition. Philophobia occurs after experience of infidelity, betrayal or heartbreak. These experiences wrote the formula Affection = Betrayal = Getting Hurt into protective instinct. It tells Yashiro âStay away from love, or I will get hurt.â
This is why I am certain Yashiro will not make the first move, because this will trigger his protective instinct and cause him to take protective action (ex. flee). He cannot show his desire to Doumeki, and he cannot accept Doumekiâs love, because it means to build an intimacy = going to get betray. Just like what his family did to him.
However, not all hopes are lost. Maybe some of you already notice it. Philophobia isnât fear of love itself, but fear of betrayal and heartbreaking after falling in love. What doesnât this mean? This mean Yashiro can love Doumeki, he just isnât able to tell Doumeki or accept Doumekiâs feeling to him.
We could see it in the plot. In CP. 44, we saw Yashiro masturbating while thinking of Doumeki. No matter that was true memory or mere imagination, Yashiro masturbated thinking of Doumekiâs sweetness. This is our hope. Yashiro cannot accept love, but he can love. He also notice Doumekiâs feeling to him. (Although now he is convinced Doumeki hate him)
What Doumeki did to Yashiro was indeed awful, it broke Yashiro as he stated. However, Yashiroâs masochist mask needs to be broken for Doumeki to reach inside, and reach the true Yashiro. Reach to the young Yashiro who is still trapped in that small apartment, hypnotizing himself to be a masochist so he could face that never ending pain forced by his very family.
Yashiro had changed, he can now able to feel love, he just cannot admit it. However, this is only the beginning of his long and painful healing process. Yashiro still needs help, he needs immediate attention on his mental condition. The environment is not very friendly to him. I only hope Doumeki can really protect Yashiro, and assist him on his painful path of healing.
Reference : <<What is Philophobia?>> ---- WebMD https://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/what-is-philophobia

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
The meaning of Vol.7 comi Special
Article by:
玫æźèżčæČ«_æ»è·Șç»ç„è°·èé
éæ¶éć°ćç°æ°éČäșïŒćŸźććžŠäœ æŹŁè”äžçäžæŻäžäžȘçČŸćœ©çŹéŽïŒäșè§ŁæŻäžäžȘćčćæ äșăćäș«äœ æłèĄšèŸŸçïŒèź©ć šäžçéœèœćŹć°äœ çćżćٰïŒ
Translated by :
Kirihara Akira
This special was referenced from Japanese game showă èžèœäșșæ Œä»ăăă§ă㯠ă(Currently has no English translation, but it can be directly translated as âRanking of Actorsâ.) This is a game show theming âCan actors distinguish luxury items from poverty items?â
The actors will join the show in teams with at least 2 people. All teams started at the rank of âExcellence Actorsâ. For every wrong answer, the team ranking will drop, which cause their treatment to drop. For example, all teams start with luxury sleepers and fancy chair, but at the end of the show they may end up with no sleepers and chair, and have to leave from a dog entrance. You can check out the actual game show for further details.
This special was a dream about :
First question : [Is this a Toy Gun or Model Gun or Real Gun?]
In this game show, when there is a question with 3 choices, it means one of the choices is absolutely untouchable. It is a stupid mistake and will cause the team to drop not 1, but 2 ranks in a roll.
Doumeki chose A. Everyone except Yashiro was laughing, proving A is not only a wrong answer, but also a stupid wrong answer. Everyone was enjoying while only Yashiro was sighing, it means Yashiro and Doumeki were in the same group.
Second question : [Who designed this Tattoo? An Internship or a Tattoo Master?]
The correct answer was A--Tattoo Master. Misumi âwas alone but was actually correctâ means all the others chose B--Internship. Everyone here was bystanders of last question so we can tell Yashiro also joined this challenge, and he also pick the wrong answer. So he should be also in the B room with all other challengers, he just didnât show in the scene.
Third question : [What was used in this TakoYaki? A fresh octopus or a canfood octopus?]
Yashiro joined the challenge. In the next scene we saw Doumeki pick up a stinky straw sandal (It should be cheap bathroom sleepers in the actual show, but Senseiâs persona wears straw sandals, she replaced the sleepers with them) with a seemingly disappointing background effect. These 2 scenes seems separated but actually are related. Yashiro joined the challenge, which cause Doumeki to pick up a stinky straw sandal. This means Yashiro got the wrong answer again. Their team rank dropped again. Now they are at the lowest rank "Unacceptable Actors". Yashiro was also looking downward, he was also holding a pair of stinky straw sandals (although it didnât show in the scene), then he looked at Doumeki and gave him a thumbs up.
This dream was about :
This couple joined a game show but pick every single wrong answer they could possibly choose, yet they (or at least Yashiro) enjoyed the game.
What is ăăȘă(Anata)?
We often hear Doumeki address Yashiro not as Kashira (Boss), but ăăȘă. In CP. 32, Yashiro repeated 4 times ăăȘă before he commented âI should have never done it with you.â
So what is ăăȘă? Does it really means âHoneyâ or âSweet Heartâ? Why did Yashiro seem so offence by it? Why did Doumeki stubbornly continue to use this phrase instead of Kashira?
Article By----
çè±èć
Composed by----
Kirihara AkiraÂ
For those who would like to keep a copy
The Analysis of Saezuru Cp. 44
Sorry for takin so long! Finally I got it ready! Here are the analysis of CP. 44. This chapter was bombing after bombing from the first page till this end. We get to see more of the Doumeki after 4 years, and Yashiro was not the Yashiro 4 years ago.
After reading this analysis, Doumeki is still a mystery to me. I still donât understand him. His heart is now too far away from my reach. Yet, there is one thing I understand.
His love to Yashiro never changed.
As always. Please show them some love. They are Awesome!
Presented by----
çèŻćç”ç«(https://weibo.com/u/7281028235?profile_ftype=1&is_all=1#_loginLayer_1619588117187)
Article by----
玫æźèżčæČ«_äžćŒ3rdsoloäžæčć(https://weibo.com/u/5520613947?refer_flag=1005055014_)
Composed by----
äœ è«äžæŻçŻäș8821345(https://weibo.com/u/7204020413?refer_flag=1005055014_)
Special Thanks to----
çè±èć(https://weibo.com/u/7476510102?refer_flag=1005055014_)
Rćąšè°·è°·è°·(https://weibo.com/u/5717971193?refer_flag=1005055014_)
Here you go. Here is the PDF of the analysis if anyone is interested to keep it. Also, please tell me if you have any trouble downloading the file. I will try to figure out something else. đ
Thank you Sensei. Thank you God. Thank you all the Gods from Eastern to Western .I can die now.
Hi, first of all, I want to thank you for your opinions of this manga, because I am new to this fandom. Also thank you for the translations of the chapters analysis, they help me a lot to understand it better.
My English is not very good and I haven't written in this language for a long time, so I apologize if these thoughts are not very clear
Thanks Google Translator
Reading this manga over and over again, I realized something, when Yashiro has "his encounters", even in his fantasies and memories, he never touches someone of his own free will, he is always touched, kissed, beaten, tied up, slapped, etc. and it is understood, he is a masochist, to obtain pleasure it must be through pain... Except for two occasions: the tender rub on Doumeki's cheek in the middle of their meeting and the kiss before telling him what bothers about him (I donÂŽt count when he kissed Inami, the policeman, since that was before they had sex and to avoid a disaster with Doumeki being there annoyed by what he said)
When he takes the initiative (I think you know what I mean), he only touches "the part" that he likes, he does not touch any other part ... but when Doumeki begins to help him when he need it, Yashiro little by little begins to touch him, maybe it's instinct, I don't know, I haven't seen someone else do it to him either, maybe I'm thinking this matter too much hehehehe
What will happen when he is the one who wants to touch? Will he ever want to touch Doumeki? Now that Doumeki doesn't touch anyone else directly due to his gloves, will Yashiro feel the need to touch him? Will he want Doumeki to touch him again? When they are together again (because I know that will happen sooner or later), Will he touch him or will it be the same as always?
I don't know, maybe I'm thinking too much about the matter as I said before and I'm going further but I think that if you are with someone and you are in love with that person, you have the need to touch and feel it, I don't think that Yashiro is immune to those feelings, especially if he's still in love with Doumeki after 4 years
What a long question...
This is a long question that deserves dedicated answer. đ Your question contains multiple factors and I will try to answer them one by one. If you cannot understand my responds, please donât hesitate to ask me again.
Yashiro is NOT a masochist, not from the first place. He made himself one to sustain his corrupting mental stage, so he wonât drown in the abyss of hatred and agony. He kept telling himself âI like painâ âI like it hurtâ so he could survive the twisted lust of his stepfather. This is his survival instinct. He adjusted himself to fit into the world around him (Please refer to my other analysis <>).
Yashiro survived his childhood by deceiving (or you can say hypnotizing) himself. These lies then become part of him as he used these lies to protect himself. After he grew up, these lies become his armor, protect him from the hostility others hold to him. I said deceiving, because Yashiro wasnât exactly enjoying sex no matter with pain or not. He hate sex (or in Misumi sanâs words, he hate all mankind), but he kept doing it, because this is what he did when he was growing up, this is a part of him. He cannot simply cut it away, it is the same as he cut a major part of his own body away. The pain will be unbearable, and he most likely can never recover from it.
The major part of sex is touching. No matter itâs kissing or hugging or rubbing on skin, it is touching each other affectionally. But for Yashiro, who hate sex with all his mind, touching is not so enjoyable. He hate touching, just like he hate sex. He cannot cut sex away from his life, then he will keep affection away from sex. This is why he cannot accept any affection in sex. Anyone who dare mixing affection in sex will be discarded mercilessly. The best example we had is our poor Doumeki.
Talk about Doumeki. We all know he is special to Yashiro. Yashiro never let anyone (psychological) get close to him. He never open his heart to anyone. Yet Doumeki make out a territory in his heart. This is not normal. Nanahara, who worked for Yashiro for 10 years, couldnât enter his heart. Misumi san, who knew Yashiro before he was even a Yakuza, couldnât enter his heart. Hirataâs subordinate, who got suspended for falling in love with Yashiro, couldnât enter his heart. Why Doumeki can? What makes Doumeki special to Yashiro?
There are many different theories according to this thesis. This is my guess.
Because Doumeki was impotent.Â
Yashiro hate sex. Anyone who are able to have sex with him is his target of hatred. This is why he never let Nanahara do it for him, because he doesnât want to hate Nanahara (He is like a family to Yashiro BTW. The same reason Yashiro never thought for doing it with Kageyama.) But he allow Doumeki do it for him, and he didnât hate Doumeki for it. Why? Because Doumeki was impotent, he was not able to have sex with Yashiro. I think a part of Yashiro feels safe around Doumeki, because he hate sex, and Doumeki can never do it with him. He felt comfortable about this. So comfortable that he allow Doumeki do what others canât on him, so comfortable that he allow Doumeki stay close with him, so comfortable that he allowed Doumeki enter his heart, and became a special existent within him.
The feelings Yashiro hold for Doumeki was very simple, or you can say pure. Around all the men that could hurt (sleep with) him, Doumeki was the only one who was not able to do so. Thatâs why Yashiro became fond of him. You can say Yashiro didnât see Doumeki as a Man (because Man will hurt him). Therefore, Doumeki was safe to touch, unlike the others. This is why Doumeki could stay close to Yashiro and eventually entered his heart. Because Yashiro hate all mankind, but in his eyes, Doumeki was not a âManâ.
However, this intimacy has one extremely important condition that CANNOT be violated. Yashiro cannot accept any affection mixed in sex, so for Yashiro to hold affection to someone, the rule is they CANNOT have sex. Because Yashiro hate sex. Sex is harmful. Sex is painful. Sex is the darkest part of him that he could never cut away. Thatâs why he accepted Doumeki, because Doumeki could never associate with sex. Thatâs why when Doumeki chose to cross that boundary, Yashiro fled.
And you asked if Yashiro wanted to touch Doumeki? Well...âŠ
Maybe Yashiro was in love with Doumeki way earlier than we imagined.
Thank you for taking the time to answer my question and sorry for asking you again ...
If you say that Yashiro hates sex, why did he let Doumeki continue? Before doing so, he was going to fire him so as not to break his rule, but when he compared the fact that Doumeki confessed that he liked to touch his hair and that he remembered at the same time that he kissed him when he was asleep, Â thinking that that was the same feeling (or so I think), why didn't he resist more strongly? Or did he just get carried away? I have the impression that he wanted Doumeki, but he didnât believe that tender and gentle sex would cause him so much damage, correct me if I'm wrong ...
Sorry for the late respond. I thought this would be an easy question because Yashiroâs feelings were so obvious, but it turned out there were so many complicated emotion happening at the same time and I had trouble organize them. I tried my best to make sense butâŠwell, , if you have any other ideas please feel free to speak up.
Reason 1. Yashiro didnât know to resist
I once suggested, as we are taught to be civilize, we are also taught to resist. When we were very very young, we scream and cry when our guardians did anything against our will, by observing the reaction of our guardians, we learned that as long as we cry, our guardians will stop whatever they are doing on us. From these experience we learned to resist. This is what regular people will go through in their babyhood. However, Yashiro didnât have the chance to learn this. He has a mother who cares absolutely nothing about her son, and a father who treat him like nothing but a sex toy. Yashiroâs twisted childhood coursed his twist mental stage and lack of common sense. From the story, we observed many defects on his communication skills and interpersonal skills, including he has trouble resisting whatever he was facing. Like he accepted he lost Kageyama and didnât try to date him, like he accepted he is a Yakuza and didnât try to get out (although he wanted to), like he accepted Hirata wants him dead, and even gave his head to him (if not for rescue Nanahara, he wonât even struggle).
We have way too many example on Yashiro accepting his fate, but what is accept? Accept is the opposite of resist. Resisting is not in Yashiroâs logical world, he has no knowledge to resist whatever others put on him.
Reason 2. The Baby Elephant Syndrome
A child went into the backstage of a circus and found the giant elephant was only tied by a small rope. He asked, âWhy the elephant didnât struggle?â The staff answer him, âBecause the elephant couldnât break free when he was very young, so he learned to give up struggle and stay still even he is now big enough to break free.â
I believe Yashiro did try to resist when he was first violated by his stepfather, but he was too young to resist. He tried and fail again and again, until he give up and accept his fate. This incident affected the rest of his life heavily, like he accepted whatever others put to him, like he couldnât resist sex that was forced on him. Although Doumeki didnât mean to, but he did forced on Yashiro. At that moment Yashiro was not the Waka-Kashira of Shinseki, he was the helpless child who was forced to accept his stepfatherâs twist lust. He couldnât resist back then, so he doesnât know to resist now. The rope on the young elephant captured his spirit even until now, he is always the helpless child imprisoned in that small apartment.
Also, when Yashiro awoke in Doumekiâs apartment, he said âAm I travel back through time?â Proving Doumekiâs apartment was the same (or at least similar) of the apartment from his childhood. The similar environment worsened his Baby Elephant Syndrome, making him freeze while he faced the same experience in a familiar environment, and further decrease his will to struggle.
Reason 3. Fight-Flight-Freeze Response
When human facing life-threatening situation, the brain with stop any conscious decision and the individual will enter survival mode. In this mode the body will take none but 3 actionâ-Freeze, Flee, or Fright. Your heart rate will increase, the oxygen in your major muscles will also increase. Your pain perception drops, and your hearing sharpens. Your body will prepare you to survive.
Freezing is the preparation of Flight or Fight. Usually after a short time of freezing, which allow your body to prepare for survival, you will enter Flight or Fight mode. If possible, you run. If not possible, you fight. This is our natural survival instinct.
However, for Yashiro, who lack the knowledge of resist and suffering from Baby Elephant Syndrome, has only Freeze mode, he couldnât enter Flight or Fight mode. This made him freeze on the situation. To worsen the case, his masochist armor kicked in to try to solve the situation, but it didnât help at all (Most likely because Doumeki refused to hurt him, so his masochist protection system couldnât trigger). By that moment Yashiro has lost his chance to flee, the only thing he could do was to put on his masochist armor and pray for the end.Â
Conclusion.
There are justâŠso many things happening in Yashiro at that scene. Experience of his twisted childhood, The Baby Elephant Syndrome, the malfunctioned Fight-Flight-Freeze Response, and I even forgot to mention his Philophobia! (Yashiro felt sick for Doumekiâs touching, this was an obvious symptom of Philophobiaâ-severe reaction upon affection). Yashiroâs mental stage was tumbling, his mind and feeling were tearing him apart. As I observed, Yashiro was trying his best to hold on to his masochist setting while Doumeki trying to make him admit he can enjoy gentle sex. Itâs likeâŠDoumeki trying to take off Yashiroâs mask while Yashiro trying to keep the mask on.
Yashiro cannot accept love, not only because of Philophobia, but also because he needed his lies to survive. What are his lies? His lies are âI like pain.â âI like it hurt.â âI canât feel anything if it doesnât hurt.â Yashiro depends on these lies to sustain his shattered mental stage, so he can stay sane for all these years. Doumeki trying to rip off his lies without knowing how much it hurt for Yashiro, and Yashiro tried his best to keep his lies on, to keep his armor on, and keep himself sane.Â
The tumbling of his mental stage, all the mental struggles in his mind, trapped him in his childhood memory, when he fear to even resist. These are the reason Yashiro didnât resist.
The problem is not the rope on the baby elephant, but what happen if the rope is gone? The elephant grow up depending on the instruction of the rope. It learn to stay quiet when the rope is on it, that is its principle. But if this rope is gone, his principle is gone, what can he rely on to stay sane?
Maybe this is the key to solve Yashiroâs mental defects, including everything like Philophobia, masochist, or his self-destructive life.
Reference fromâ- Fight, Flight, Freeze: What This Response Means (by Kirsten Nunez) https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/fight-flight-freeze What is philophobia? (by Jessica Caporuscio, Pharm.D.) https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/philophobia

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
Ok, hold on, wait âŠ
I need some air âŠ
âćăăăĄăłăźçæ§ăăćŸ ăăăăŸăăïŒ 3æ31æ„çșćŁČihr HertZ5æć·æČèŒă#ćăéł„ăŻçŸœă°ăăăȘăă44話ăźăă©èŠăă§ăâšăžăȘăžăȘăšćŸ ăŁăŠăăăă©èŠăă§ăăăă«ăžăȘăžăȘă«âŒïž èȘăă°ăăŁăšăžăȘăžăȘă§ă!!!ïŒæ ïŒâ
The teaser for Saezuru chapter 44 is here!
Yashiro didnât take Doumekiâs question well und provokes him back.
Improvised translation because my English is failing me when Iâm excited:
Y: What kind of lousy logic is that? You think I canât have sex with you? Who do you think you are? Remember how I told you I wouldnât fuck my underlings back then? Yeah, I said that, didnât I? That used to be my only principle.
The tweet says the tension is going to get worse, as the chapter proceeds, so GOOD LUCK FANDOM!
About the transition, it should be :
Yashiro : What kind of lousy logic is that ? "Can you do it"? Who do you think you are ?
Doumeki : You said you will not do it with your subordinates.
Yashiro : Yeah, I did said it. That was my only principle.
Also, as expected, Yashiro is trying to change the topic. No matter Yashiro is going to tell the truth or not, we will able to see part of Yashiro's heart, and this can help us further evaluate Yashiro's current mental condition.