I've waited over 10 long years for this moment. I still can't believe it; Doumeki has finally fulfilled his dream, and I hope Yashiro finds some peace before the storm breaks. Are you ready? I hope you enjoy it too until the chapter is released in better quality.

💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

Fandom is a beautiful thing. It’s where we go to dissect the stories we love, explore what-ifs, and see characters through new lenses. From analyzing subtext to creating elaborate alternate universes, we engage with media on a deeper level. But sometimes, in our enthusiasm, we can stray into territory that, while well-intentioned, clashes with the very foundation of a character's journey.

Recently, I was reminded of this while reading a fan discussion. I saw someone refer to the character Yashiro from Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai using "she" and "her." Initially, I assumed it was a simple grammatical error. But as I read more, I realized this was an intentional interpretation held by some fans who see him as a trans or non-binary character.

I find this deeply sad and profoundly upsetting.

On the surface, it might seem like a harmless or even progressive act of interpretation. But to understand the weight of this, we have to look at the core of Yashiro's trauma, the very thing that has shaped his entire existence.

Content Warning: This post contains discussions of rape, abuse, body shaming, and psychological trauma related to the manga Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai. Please proceed with caution.

The Echo of an Abuser: The Stepfather's Poison

Yashiro's story is built upon a foundation of brutal abuse. As a young boy, he was systematically raped by his stepfather, a man who weaponized psychological cruelty alongside physical violence. During these assaults, his stepfather would tell him:

"Listen up... YOU'RE A GIRL! GOD MADE YOU MALE BY MISTAKE!"

He then goes on explaining to the traumatized Yashiro how his body accepts his di*k and then expands to Yashiro (the child Yashiro) how babies are made, and about him being pregnant!???. And he says more, but I don’t want to write it all; it’s disgusting and disturbing. You can see the shocked reaction from that poor little Yashiro.

"Listen up... YOU'RE A GIRL! GOD MADE YOU MALE BY MISTAKE!" This is not a throwaway line. It is the central pillar upon which Yashiro’s self-loathing is built. These words didn't just hurt him; they became the toxic lens through which he views himself and the world. Because of his stepfather’s assertion, Yashiro developed a profound and painful complex: he believes that because he is not a woman, he is fundamentally unworthy of love, kindness, or gentleness.

Whenever someone shows him genuine care, his immediate instinct is to reject it. He runs away as if he's been burned because his abuser’s voice echoes in his head, telling him he doesn't deserve it. He sees his own gentleness and beauty as a flaw, a mistake to be corrected. This is the source of his emotional distance and pain.

The Pattern of Pain: Gentleness as a Trigger

This isn't just interpretation; the text shows us this pattern again and again. Let's look at the evidence:

Chapter 10: When a yakuza begins to treat Yashiro gently and with affection, Yashiro’s first thought is, “I’m being treated as a woman!” His reaction is visceral: he feels sick and forces the man to stop, by getting him kicked out of the Yakuza.

Chapter 21: In the car, when Doumeki acts gently with him, Yashiro becomes irritated and snaps, “I’m not a woman, don’t do it so gently!”

Chapter 24: Doumeki’s gentle behavior during sex makes Yashiro so physically ill that he wants to throw up.

Chapter 25: Yashiro demands Doumeki do it roughly and make it hurt during sex, but Doumeki refuses, saying, “I won’t. Look at how much you’re enjoying it, even without that.” Yashiro then asks, “But, why?” In his mind, he doesn’t understand why he begins to enjoy the gentle sex with Doumeki. Remember, his concepts have been twisted by his stepfather: gentleness = women, and “he’s not a woman.” While having sex with Doumeki, Yashiro’s mind suddenly plays the old tape of his stepfather’s abuse, the man who had sex with him is no longer Doumeki; Doumeki’s voice fades and becomes his stepfather’s. After this, Yashiro’s body shakes, and he starts to cry. Doumeki looks at him, wondering why he’s crying. It’s like he has one side of the puzzle: he knows about Yashiro’s sexual abuse, but he doesn’t know the full extent of the trauma or why the more he cares and becomes gentle, the more Yashiro runs away, rejecting him. Yashiro wants to protect his identity , “he’s not a woman.”

Chapter 50: Titled “Wanting to Destroy Everything,” this chapter’s content is revealing. When Doumeki asks Yashiro, “Or could it be you WISH to be treated GENTLY instead?” it triggers Yashiro. Soon after, Yashiro sees Doumeki with the Madam, and the connection clicks. He flees immediately, seeking out Kiddo and asking him to violate him just like the old times, returning to the familiar pain he believes he deserves.

Chapters 51–52: After Yashiro has rough sex with an angry Doumeki, he’s not triggered by the violence but is hurt deep inside because he’s in love with Doumeki, yet he refuses to admit it. When Yashiro takes a shower and sees how rough Doumeki was, his expression turns to sadness, and he thinks, “He must only be gentle with women.”

Chapter 63: When Yashiro is worried about Doumeki and goes to his place, he finds the door open and sees the Madam sitting next to Doumeki. He might think, “Doumeki’s woman is here; why am I here?” That’s probably why he immediately flees, saying, “I can see that I’m intruding. I’ll leave.” But he doesn’t realize that he has a place in Doumeki’s life. I was happy when Doumeki got up to stop Yashiro from leaving.

Random chapters: Whenever Ryuuzaki mentions the word "woman," Yashiro’s expression changes into a sad smile. We know Ryuuzaki had the stupid thought, “If Yashiro was a woman, he would have been protected.” Ryuuzaki admits that his thought was stupid. Yashiro doesn’t have to be a woman to be protected or loved. Ryuuzaki understands that he loves and cares for a MAN named Yashiro, he loves him as he is, but he would never admit that to Yashiro.

The Pattern Is Undeniable

For Yashiro:

Gentleness = Women

Affection = Women

He believes he is a mistake. He believes his existence is wrong. He believes he deserves punishment for being born male.

He even thinks sex is supposed to be painful because he is "not a woman." Why do you think he seeks out so many sexual partners if he was abused as a child? If that were the case, he would hate sex with men. We saw Doumeki’s sister, who was abused by her stepfather, hated sex. Even acts like giving her a condom reminded her of the abuse. It’s not sex that triggers his trauma, it’s the gentleness, the act of being treated as if he is worthy of care, “being treated as a woman,” which he believes is a right reserved only for women.

Even Doumeki has a hard time understanding why Yashiro acts like this, especially with him. Yashiro accepts sex with other men, so why does he reject sex with Doumeki? No one truly knows the real reason, even Yashiro himself. That’s evident when he thinks, “I blame him for being cruel, but the moment I’m treated gently, I want to run away.” He knows gentle sex makes him sick and wants to escape, but he doesn’t understand why. He always says, “I’m not a woman,” but I highly doubt he understands why he says that every time someone acts gentle with him.

I believe the beginning of his healing will be when Doumeki tells Yashiro he loves him. Maybe Yashiro won’t accept that at first, but I believe that once he understands Doumeki loves him as he is, many wounds inside Yashiro’s heart will begin to heal. Yashiro, who never knew what being loved looks like, not even from his own mother.

When Fanon Validates the Trauma

This is why referring to Yashiro as "she" feels so wrong. It is an act that, whether intentional or not, validates the abuser’s narrative. It takes the poison his stepfather used to break him and reframes it as an acceptable identity. It aligns with the perspective of the man who destroyed his sense of self.

Yashiro is confident in his own body; he has no shame. We saw him walking completely naked in front of others comfortably, having sex not just with one, but with a group of Yakuza members. He is a proud man, more than anyone else. So why are some fans acting as if he’s a woman? Is he so beautiful that you can’t accept him as a man? Does his gentle nature somehow make him a woman?

Yashiro has never expressed a desire to be a woman; on the contrary, the very suggestion of it makes him sick. His journey isn’t about discovering a different gender identity; it’s about the painful, slow process of learning that he can be loved as a man, that he deserves kindness and love exactly as he is.

To call him "she" is to erase the very essence of his struggle. It’s like looking at a prisoner fighting to break free from a cage and saying, “You look so natural in there.” It’s a cruel irony, even if it’s not intended.

This will be a bit of a rant but people seriously need to stop using their preferences for a story as an excuse to call it bad writing. That is so utterly offensive and if we are talking about Yoneda Kou in specific, there's no fundamental evidence for that.

There is, in fact, bad writing out there, but Sensei is impeccable on how the narrative is connected by the tools chosen to convey the actions of each character accordingly. She's not an average creator.

We are free to openly disagree with the events in an ongoing story, but in this case it must be admitted that this is simply related to the outcomes being different from what was expected instead of blaming everything as bad writing. People need to swallow their frustrations and take responsibility for either that or their inability to understand what's going on in the plot.

And just to conclude: Saezuru's central theme is that "people are full of contractions".

Kamiya can have internalised homofobia and still sympathise with Doumeki.

Amou can envy the relationship between Misumi and Yashiro and still respect and care about Yashiro.

Nanahara can see the yakuza as family, but still keep his loyalty to Yashiro −who is not properly in the organisation anymore.

Misumi can see Yashiro as his son/successor while also mistreating and objectifying him.

Tsunakawa can be suspicious of everyone and still envy those who receive devotion.

Doumeki can be madly in love with Yashiro while completely aware of the obsessive tone of his feelings.

Yashiro can sacrifice himself for Doumeki while also using this as an escape for facing his fear of change and acceptance.

The feelings and actions of characters can coexist. Even the contradictory ones.

Chapter 62 Part 1

Chapter 62 Part 2

Under the cut as always!

With this body that’s frozen and about to break?

Your eyes and your warm voice

I long for it like crazy

Who waits for love, who waits for love

I don’t blame you for leaving me

Who waits for love, who waits for love

It’s my problem for loving you

One day, give me your hand too, turn around and look at me

Find me, just once

Find me, just once

I’ll wait so please come back

Today I want to speak simply, without psychological analysis or technical jargon. I want to speak from the love I have for the work, the author, and its characters. From my jumbled feelings and thoughts.

Warning: there are spoilers, many spoilers, and paraphrased dialogue, so it's not exact.

Doumeki confessed his feelings and left. As I said in the previous post, he consciously or subconsciously relinquished control to Yashiro. Without expecting anything in return. It was honesty personified, and a farewell kissed his way to goodbye. The decision was now in Yashiro's hands, and Doumeki wouldn't pursue him anymore.

Then we had chapter 65, which really affected me. Doumeki stood firm in his feelings. Kamiya had revealed absolutely everything Doumeki had hidden about himself. Tsunakawa was heartbroken and felt betrayed, and Muraji was outraged. Doumeki failed. He didn't apologize and even declared his loyalty to Yashiro, saying he was his reason for living. As a consequence of his profound honesty, an excessive punishment was imposed, without him even having shared a drink. He lost his place to live once again. Chapter 65 left me so distraught that I tried not to talk about it for two months.

And now, chapter 66.

I was impressed, as always, by the range of expressions and physical perspectives that Sensei gives us. A truly talented artist who, through her lines, conveys a wide range of emotions.

The chapter begins with Amou and Tsunakawa. One man disappointed, the other worried. A disturbing conversation.

We move to Yashiro's office where he is visibly agitated and grumpy, with dark circles under his eyes and looking tired. He asks if they've found Kai; nothing. Nanahara confronts him and receives a violent response. Yashiro is restless, shouting, desperate; it's the first time we see him without a plan, feeling helpless. He knows that Doumeki will receive the worst punishment and is hiding behind the Yakuza's directives; he can't help Doumeki. But Nanahara doesn't remain silent and tells him about that conversation on the hospital terrace. Amou interrupts Doumeki's words and Yashiro's attitude. We then shift to a scene in a café. Amou speaks of the past; after all, he knows that wayward 19-year-old Yashiro, he's seen him in all his facets. Things about Amou are revealed, and one phrase haunts me: Amou says that Misumi sees Yashiro as a son, but Yashiro doesn't see Misumi as a father, saying, "You don't sleep with your son" While Misumi saved Yashiro, and they know I've always agreed with his methods, Yashiro's heart aches, and he's carried that burden for 20 years. This gives me a change of perspective, and while I previously supported them staying in the Yakuza, now I don't. I'd like them both to get out; I'd love for Yashiro to be free from the Yakuza, just like Doumeki.

Returning to the chapter. Amou confronts Yashiro, asking, "Did you get rid of Doumeki four years ago for his own good or for yours?" Yashiro is shocked. Amou knows him better than anyone and can't answer; they both know the answer. Without even touching his coffee, he receives a call.

We shift to the street. Yashiro is walking in the rain, lost in thought, when he's intercepted by Kamiya. Kamiya doesn't mince words and confronts Yashiro with reality, paraphrasing him to say something like, "You must be worth a lot for a man like Doumeki to risk his life to protect you." And for Yashiro, who has very low self-esteem, receiving those words from someone who doesn't know his past is truly harsh. Yashiro simply listens, and Kamiya unleashes his frustration by throwing him a motel key and a challenge, leaving Doumeki's salvation in his hands. Then he walks away.

We see the rain, the key, and then the key disappears. The next panel is one of my favorites. Yashiro holds something in his left hand and looks up at the rain-soaked, gray sky.

Now we change scenes. Doumeki is alone, gun in hand. The doorbell rings. When he opens it, Yashiro, soaked from head to toe, kisses him with a tenderness and passion the reader can feel in their own skin. Doumeki stands there, not responding, simply receiving, his eyes wide open. Yashiro pushes him aside and enters the room. Their faces part, saliva joins their lips, Yashiro's tongue is visible, and then they kiss with exquisite passion. And the chapter ends.

To say I liked the chapter is an understatement; this chapter is legendary. After so many years, Yashiro no longer does things for others, doesn't sacrifice himself for the sake of others, isn't a tool, an empty shell, a bargaining chip. He has become a human being with his own decisions, and he listens to his own heart. I loved that, without premeditation, three people came together to shake Yashiro to his core. These three already knew of the mutual feelings between them, and all three cared for Doumeki so much that they couldn't bear to see him lost. They placed the trust and responsibility for his salvation in Yashiro's hands.

Yashiro made his decision, a selfish one, leaving everyone behind—well, not everyone. Ties of cups, groups, loyalties, Misumi—he put everything before Doumeki. And what greater happiness could there be for Doumeki, who has always been the abandoned one, than to see Yashiro there, with a clear answer? Because after such a confession, seeing the man of his dreams standing at the door, frantically pressing his lips to his, is a wonderful answer.

I don't think Yashiro will do the same thing he did four years ago. I think he feels responsible for his actions and believes he's to blame for Doumeki's current state. I think he'll take responsibility and join Doumeki to resolve this whole mess. I also believe that together they are a powerful, dangerous, and unstoppable force. And I have faith, above all, I have faith in Yoneda-sensei and that they will both emerge from this in the best possible way.

Despite being a chapter to celebrate, it's also truly sad. There are wounds in the heart that don't heal easily, and I see a deeply hurt Yashiro. He's aware of all the harm he caused Doumeki, and I think his despair stems from that. He hurt the person he loved most and the person who loved him most. Yashiro doesn't feel worthy of affection, but in the end, he has such a valuable man giving his all for him. That's not easy for someone like Yashiro to accept. I can feel his pain, his regret, and his despair, and it breaks my heart.

Yoneda-sensei is incredible. She surpasses our highest expectations. I'll be eagerly awaiting the next chapter.