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my teeth were perfectly designed to tear abd rend the soft white flesh of the gentle beast known as the mozzarella

remember to bury the dead with a phone, everyone. these days the ferry terminal at the river styx wants you to download a fucking app

I am pathologically always speaking in a manner of jest

see my problem is if i “listen to my body” it literally only wants to lie down and take naps, all the time

if you've ever pet more than a few dogs you'd Know what dog residue is

in my work of fanfiction i am going to hold the villain responsible for their actions by making them have sex with the person they tried to kill, which will effectively address all the relevant moral issues by being hot.

@kawkaw-offical

asked one of my coworkers how she's doing today and she goes "could be better, could be worse," and another coworker nearby who was eavesdropping chimes in with "could be a lil bit o' alligator curse!" i have no idea what he meant by that but i do know that it has been immediately added to the lexicon.

i think it's funny when a character is almost exclusively referred to by their last name by other people and this carries over into their internal monologue when someone writes from their pov. not even on a first name basis with herself

*sigh* fine, fine, i'll be the new doctor who showrunner. bring me two twinks, britain's tallest woman, and 1000 pounds worth of alumininamian foil

we really should be calling it fanworks, not content

I'm here for fun and community not to rp a mega corporation's underpaid social media intern