veggie

i’ve found myself a bit baffled by social media influencers who run for political office—like my first thought is that it’s weird or doesn’t make sense. but actually it makes perfect sense. ever since reagan and even earlier, politics and theater/performance have become more and more closely intertwined. politics at this point IS a performance. i mean like i think to a degree, politics in america always has been. it’s essentially just subterfuge to hide mass global crimes. but that’s besides the point. the performance of politics has become campier, more overt than it ever was before. so really it’s just a natural progression of politics for influencers and social media stars to get in on it. after all the reward for entering politics is much the same as it is for being a social media star. lots of attention, lots of money, and, well, influence over others. idk just some thoughts of mine

starting tk hate myself more and more for eating and not restricting much at all this week. i feel like my body feels different even tho it probably isn’t that different at all. i just want to go back to restricting but im still sick and i honestly started feeling so much better after i started eating more idkkkk. but the scale is starting to tip in the other direction where i think it feels worse to eat than not eat lol. ah life. such a delicate balance.

okay so now i have to figure out if i want to read the 1818 text of frankenstein or the 1831. i think i would start with 1818 because it went through some heavy revisions in 1831. so 1818 text would give me the authors original vision. i read it is often preferred by its fans for its psychological depth. i think the thematic content is a bit different in the 1831 version. so perhaps that would be a good supplement to read afterwards.

just finished watching guillermo del toro’s frankenstein and it was pretty good. i actually should be ashamed that i haven’t read frankenstein yet, so that’s going to be on my list coming up soon

my friend filled me in on everything on signal and yeah it’s bad. i hope she’s serious about trying to leave this time. i know it’s complicated for her bc he has significant financial leverage over her. but she’s looking into resources in her area, and she’s telling her therapist this week, and moving to signal to keep any plans secret from him, which is more planning she’s done in all the time they’ve been together. at this point it really is now about her physical safety. i’ll do whatever i can to help her, however i can. i love her and want her to be safe

she won’t even tell me about what happened over text, only through signal, which is alarming to me bc it suggests she is being monitored by him

my friend sent me some kind of cryptic and frankly slightly alarming messages that i think have to do with her husband (who, i’ve probably shared before, i absolutely do not trust, who is manipulative and abusive) that suggests things have escalated and i do not like it. i want my friend to be safe.

i did my best to cheer my wife up and she did the right thing by stopping her workout when she hurt herself. but she said she’s mad at herself bc she said she noticed some progress and decided to add weight and that’s why she hurt herself. so i tried to cheer her up a bit about it but yeah i just want her to feel better and be okay.

i’m like 98% sure my wife has EDS and she hurt her wrist at the gym today :( i think she also has carpal tunnel too. i’m worried if she doesn’t see a doctor she might continue to accidentally hurt herself while exercising bc there’s some things that just aren’t good to do with EDS. but she’s stubborn about doctors and i get it. i just don’t want her to hurt herself

feeling sleeeepy

when i think about my future when im older i sometimes think ill just still be watching my fav old sitcoms on repeat forever and ever until im 85… until i die… just comfort & nostalgia forever and ever. reading little books. knowing all the jokes in my shows by heart. watching my same comfort movies. i think i would b okay with that