tbh iām feeling a bit unmotivated today
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tbh iām feeling a bit unmotivated today

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trying not to talk abt missing my lw because if it hears me talking abt it itās going to run away from me
crossfaded on apple slices and peanut butter
just kind of briefly piggybacking off my post from yesterdayāi have really complicated feeling about adhd (which i am diagnosed & being treated for!!). like my feelings about neurodivergence is that what we consider āneurotypicalā is just a neurotype that doesnāt struggle as much under capitalism (or perhaps that grew up under capitalism with adequate resources, stability, social & educational support). other neurotypes struggle more under capitalism but it doesnāt necessarily make them ābadā or ādisordered.ā also i think that there is no textbook ānormal,ā no standard from which all other types deviateāi kind of just think weāre all wired a bit different to make us unique and give us each unique strengths, passions, interests etc.
anyway i guess my complicated feelings come from the fact that i donāt think the way anyoneās brain works should becessarily be a disease or disorderāoften the reason we struggle is because the world isnāt flexible for ppl like us. but also of course im going to take the diagnosis and treatment because stimulants help me to do capitalism and that is important lol
today i have to go pick up my remaining prescription, have some laundry to do and maybe some other chores like dishes and vacuuming but i wanna try to read today and also get some rest. i did sleep in until almost 6.30 today lol

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okay i switched my laundry to the dryer and watered and fertilized the plants. wife has been doing the watering in the mornings lately which is a nice break because im historically the one who does the watering i. the morning!! but i got out there today and did it. i donāt have to wait so late on my days off to take my extended release like i would with immediate release so thatās nice that i donāt have to like ration when my best hour will be in the day lol. now going to take a lil breaky break
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i feel like some of my most radical takes tend to be about the psychiatric/mental health āindustrial complexā and like i am very very solid in my convictions but i feel like much of the world isnāt ready for it yet⦠any time i see someone who thinks about it the way i do they get attacked as being anti-psych meds and invalidating peopleās suffering and mental illness but like thats not what we mean š
tbh i think that, with maybe just a very few exceptions, most mental illnesses can be viewed thru a lens of the brain and body trying to manage in a world that literally makes us sickāconstant live streamed human rights crises, genocides, climate crisis, on top of exploitative governments, state sanctioned violence, poverty, instability and insecurityālike literally anyone would be sick in this world!!! i feel like the mental health industrial complex ends up turning what i think are mostly social and environmental issues into an individual issue/failing that requires highly individualized treatments (psych meds). interestingly the āscienceā behind these meds rests on the āchemical imbalanceā theory for depression etc. but this theory has actually been proven to be false. ppl with mental illnesses often have similar hormone levels. so if the meds donāt work itās probably your fault. and also thereās nothing else anyone can do for you lol.
idk random ramble but i just think thereās a lot of issues and lies and exploiting mental health conditions with treatments that work no better than placebos (and this is NOT me saying meds donāt work! theyāve helped MANY people and that is not nothing!!! if it helps it HELPS!!!) and little to no social support for those who might see the most improvement with that type of support (social, family, environmental, empowering ppl to make the changes that would be felt the most in their life)
anyway thatās my random rant for the day been sitting on it a while so here u go. do you have thoughts about this topic?? i would love to talk about it if you do!!!
soooo ready to go home only 30 more mins then since i have saturday off for 4th of july i have thursday-sunday off work yaaaay
my problematic coworker got a little sassy with me this morning because i asked him yo help a patron who was standing around looking like she needed help while i was busy w someone else. well apparently he had already helped her but i just missed that partāi just noticed someone looking like she needed help. i apologized but also like!!!! maybe i wouldnāt be so panicky next to you and hyper aware of who needs help because he literally WILL just stare into space if i donāt ask him to help someone who needs it!!! like mayb donāt be like that and i wont run on the assumption that i need to micromanage you (which i donāt want to do but when ppl need help they need to be helped if someone is available)
finally break time been busy at work trying a new sign in process for study rooms so itās been⦠a bit involved. i think it can help but i hope it smooths out to be more self regulating so we wonāt have to be as involved once ppl get used to the process
sleepy today

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this older lady came into work today and kept talking about how she had to miss doing things she likes to do because her husband didnāt want to do them and i kept being like just do it yourself like wtf why are you letting this sad mediocre man get in the way of you having fun
first day on extended release went okay i think i like it??