huh... let's give this a go.

One: My kidnapper is annoying and won’t shut up.

Two: Are Scotsmen hot? Yes. Very.

Three: Are the military okay? No. Except that one Sergeant; he’s sweet.

Four: How many problems can be solved by confectionery and talking out of your arse? More than you would expect.

Five: Single father of three going to be great dad one day.

Six: Tailors are evil and so are the BBC.

Seven: Belief in communism will repel zombies.

Eight: What’s worse than death? The US healthcare system.

Nine: Finding people annoying is not mutually exclusive with overwhelming love for humanity. 

Ten: Can a man be both a twink and a lesbian at once?

Eleven: Baby is also eldritch figure from dawn of time.

Twelve: Punk grandad just wants to play guitar.

The gang’s all here folks!

Scarecrow who just walked in: “That’s seriously why we’re here? I thought you needed my help. You said it was urgent.”

Harley holding up a tote bag: “It is urgent! I made t-shirts and I need to know if they fit!”

Bruce who honestly just wanted a nap: “Let’s just see the shirts Quinzel.”

Scarecrow: You’re actually going along with this!?“

Bruce raising a brow and looking down at the rooes that are binding him to a chair: “I don’t have much of a choice…”

Scarecrow: “…Fair point. Okay Harley show us the shirts.”

Harley pulls out a crop top shirt proudly, it’s half red, half black that has ‘OFFICIAL FUCK FREUD CLUB’ on the chest: “I got em personalized! Bruce gets a black turtleneck because he was the soft goth boy in med school and he’s still a little goth baby. John you get a flannel that has the sayin’ on the back! Aren’t they cute?”

Bruce remembering how much he hated Freud and having to listen to his methods and ideas in school, and how he, Harley, and John would shit talk him in their study group: “Okay I actually love this idea and the shirts.”

Bruce, having been untied and drinking the Irish coffee Harly brought out: A) I have never had any sense of self preservation-

Harley: Which we remember vividly!

Bruce: -and B) I run a multimillion dollar company while having at least 5 kids; you dont know how much chaos I have to put up with on a daily basis. This is a vacation by comparison.

Harley: Okay you have to be bullshitting me.

Bruce: One day a blonde one named Stephanie just showed up at my house with my middle child saying they were dating, they broke up like a month later but she hasn’t left yet.

Harley: …honey I’m pretty sure that’s a home invasion-

Bruce: I mean my butler did give her a room and I offered to adopt her, but she refused that…however she’s still there and stealing my coffee every week so I don’t know.

Harley: …why-

Bruce: Her Father’s Cluemaster.

Harley: Oh FUCK that guy. Yeah, give that poor sweetie some hugs and a college education, stat.

Harley: *pulls out a massive fucking psychology textbook*

Harley: In the meantime let’s talk about your rampant abandonment issues and repressed desire for a family!

Bruce: Oh christ not again.

Right now, holding up a sign in St. Petersburg condemning this war is the textbook definition of “neither safe nor careful.”

As you may know, I am Ukrainian. I live in Kyiv. I have lived here since I was born and I love my country with my whole heart.

I see a lot of misinformation under the tag "Ukraine". Most of it comes from American people, who try to explain the conflict in their own words. They can't. It's impossible to explain if you haven't lived here. There are too many influences on this conflict. You keep looking from an american perspective, which is not crucial in understanding the conflict.

For example, have you ever had you language forbidden? Like straight up forbidden by the law? It happened to Ukrainian language a lot of times thought our history. And who did it? The Russian Empire. And it's not the end of it. The genocides, the assimilation, the deportation. Have you even researched Ukrainian history?

You do not uplift Ukrainian voices enough. And you should if you care about what's happening. If you don’t do it, you're just doing a performance of your support and activism.

Lucky for you, I am a Ukrainian person! And I am DYING TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS. I scored 191/200 points on my graduation exam in history, so you can suppose I know something about Ukrainian history.

A crew of enchanters maintaining the perpetual flames that run the turbines that generate electricity, covered in ash and grime and stinking of hot chilies and rare mushrooms used for the enchantments

A wizard specializing in construction, casting feather fall on every worker, and enchanting every hammer to drive nails in straight, animating the living clay that makes up the core of the crane

An elderly wizard and her apprentice who transmute fragile broken objects. From furniture, to rotten wood beams, to delicate jewelry

A battle magician, trained with only a few rudimentary spells to solve a shortage of trained wizards on the front who uses his healing spells to help folks around town

Wizarding shops where cheery little mages enchant wooden blocks to be hammered into the sides of homes. Hammer this into the attic and it will scare off termites, toss this in the fire and clean your chimney, throw this in the air and all dust in the room gets sucked up

Wizard loggers who transmute cut trees into solid, square beams, reducing waste, and casting spells to speed up regrowth. The forest, they know, will not be too harsh on them if the lost tree’s children may grow in its place

Wizard farmers who grow their crops in arcane sigils to increase yield, or produce healthier fruit

Factory wizards who control a dozen little constructs that keep machines cleaned and operational, who cast armor to protect the hands of workers, and who, when the factory strikes for better wages, freeze the machines in place to ensure their bosses can’t bring anyone new in.

A wizard tailors who transmutes cloth into fully made clothes without seems and leaving behind no scraps

A wizard who works in public transit, timing out teleports with detailed schedules, time magic, and enchanted communications, sending dozens of people to far away cities for a day or work or leisure

A team of wizard gardeners tend to trees grown far outside their native range, and ideal climate, encircled with runes and fed potions to grow none the less

A wizard sits in their office in the aqueduct, re-casting the spells that allow its precious water to flow to the city uphill

A wizard fisher casts water repelling spells on the sailors and the stairs, keeps the hoist on the anchor from rusting, casts balls of heat that keep everyone warm below decks. Their real job is to herd fish together so they can be caught in single huge nets, and keep them cold as the boat returns to land.

Read this to others.

ancient minoan: just kidding, cephalopod time