Be trans, throw hands!

wearing two cursed amulets to manipulate them into competing with each other for ownership of my soul and unintentionally improving my life in their attempts to seduce me

hiring two duplicitous advisors with opposing agendas to manipulate them into hatefucking each other in front of me while i fujo out about it

it's not a "love triangle" it's a business opportunity with benefits

Referring to someone as your “partner” sounds as if you are deliberately obscuring their gender and may subtly out you. “My ex”, however, is entirely unobtrusively gender-neutral. #breakupallrelationships

I told my little nephew that I'd wave at his airplane when it flew over my house today, and he very calmly and politely explained that it wouldn't be possible to see me due to the limitations of human vision. I said he just had to squint real hard, and he took a deep breath and went into the toddler version of "see, what you're not understanding–"

Do you think tumblr will ever learn the difference between “I’m defending this person because I agree with them wholeheartedly and I am also like this person” and “I’m defending this person because your behavior is dangerous and you need to stop”

They used idiot ore to forge u bro

the thing about job searching is i see all these job postings and im like i dont wanna do any of this for any of you

I passed a flower shop next to a tattoo shop and at first I laughed because I thought it was ironic and then i freaked because IMAGINE YOUR OTP IN A FLORIST/TATTOO ARTIST AU

OMG I COULD TOTALLY IMAGINE THEM LIKE THAT IT WOULD BE SO PERFECT

what I've learned from having other people edit my work is that I have a sick addiction to commas

there have been four editing passes on my spider sex book, and each time they take away so many commas. no fresh commas are being added, this is just a continued culling. if you see a comma in the final book please understand that it survived so much

Welcome to the gang. I'll give you your new gang name. Baby Beebo. That's your new gang name. We work hard but we play harder.

sometimes the author’s barely disguised fetish is YOUR barely disguised fetish and has nothing to do with the author at all

hey so a bunch of people have taken this post as an opportunity to decry interpreting media sexually/suggestively at all and it’s pissing me off. joining the war on eroticism on the side of eroticism. #ThatCigaretteIsAPenis

"enjoy last it'll it" (what)