Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Mike Driver
Janaina Medeiros
trying on a metaphor
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
@theartofmadeline
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blake kathryn
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titsay
dirt enthusiast
noise dept.
Three Goblin Art
Today's Document
JBB: An Artblog!
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YOU ARE THE REASON
if i look back, i am lost
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@rickyapologist
level 1 of watching nirvanna the band is thinking that matt is mean and abusive towards jay, next level is thinking they're both horrible and abusive towards each other, final level is understanding that jay is a demon with learned helplessness who needs to be sentenced to the electric chair for looking at matt in a mean way #my truth
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Jay is such a weird little purse dog who hasn't ever been outside bc what do you mean he sits down at a completely normal restaurant and looks around in complete disbelief muttering "oh wow" like he has never been in one before? what do you mean he doesn't realize Matt can get multiple different kinds of chips at a convenience store?? like Jay you are in your mid 30s wandering around your own city, the one you've lived in for years and years, looking lost and eating random food from strangers off the street! he has no self preservation instincts. he probably doesn't even know how to look both ways before crossing a busy intersection. he's going to get picked up by kidnappers without even realizing he's being kidnapped! just stay indoors Jay, it's probably for the best.
Jay's finger is twisting around a wire and Matt's is pulling a trigger for an amazing reason!
if you had to take a shot every time matt drapes himself over jay like this on camera you'd probably die once per video
utility pole paintings for april / may / june !
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pov you're reading reviews of the fragrance you've been wearing every single day for the last two weeks
going through things only matt johnson and lana del rey would understand
truly such a nasty and dark sided moment in the Buddy when jay's telling matt all the mean stuff 'tony' said about him. it's bad enough that jay's like "oh tony says you're a loser holding me back from my true potential" but then when he gets the cattiest, shittiest little attitude and says "oh and tony says you're weak and can't fuck" I always gasp lmao like JAY??? and it's so sad bc you can see matt's control starting to slip and his whole demeanor change instantly. it's interesting because clearly this isn't something jay would ever normally be able to bring himself to say to matt, he doesn't feel like he's allowed. but then under the tony veil he feels empowered to veer into that kind of uncharted territory with him because of course he's not the one saying it, no, it's tony! but I think this is the only time we ever hear jay allude specifically to matt's sexual dysfunction and it basically acts as the breaking point for matt to end the tony facade.
like to me it really goes back to sexuality as a taboo in their relationship and I've talked extensively about this before but because now that jay is convinced he has been hanging out with someone who hires prostitutes and has girls take their tops off to party with them, it's like he feels empowered to draw attention to the fact that matt is essentially impotent in that area. that matt can never really satisfy those kinds of optics for jay. which...that's all they are btw!! jay didn't care about the girls in the limo anyway, he was still just hanging off of tony and completely disregarding them!!!! but I think appearing normal is such an important thing to jay, the illusion that he's the kind of guy who wants those things is so much more important to him than actually ever getting them. and matt is rightfully sooo upset by this. idk I can't get over how audacious jay really is in that moment. honestly he was the one who deserved to almost choke to death at the end of the scene imo, poor matty :-(
ok seeing MY blog linked in the notes section of that ridiculously gorgeous amazing new wheatfromchaff fic on ao3 literally made my heart drop in the best way lmao beautiful world
whatever. it's not even a big deal. 18 years apart on some random night in the summer. right down the street. staring out turned toward an open sky, a whole life ahead of him. staring forward as the only life he has ever known speeds away from him. yeah. it's fine. IT'S FINE
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jay's face after matt almost accidentally kills him with a drug overdose vs jay's face when matt is a little derisive and mean and laughs at him for being stupid and clueless with some other guy btw
I do have to say the fact that one of the earliest things we hear matt say about nirvanna the band is that they will "never play the same show twice" and then when jay does actually get famous it's literally only for one song lollll. we love a stupid one trick pony who gets led around from stage to stage dressed in his gay little outfits to sing the same song over and over again yay
i feel crazy whenever I try to explain it but like there is no clear explanation as to how Jay didn't immediately realize he wasn't eating candy in the Boost lol like whatever I know it's a reference to that one episode of the Fresh prince or whatever too but in my world Jay knew Matt was giving him something shady and he took it anyway because he's sooo normal about being able to make his own decisions about what's best for him. idk I always imagine that maybe he has a crunchy mom who didn't let him take meds when he was sick and opted for weird "all natural" methods instead (the banana thing) OR alternatively she would convince him and others that he was sick and needed meds even when he was completely fine (her insistence on his ear sensitivity makes me wonder about this). But either way it ends up making Jay really weird about taking medicine in a way that I think he genuinely suffers for when he won't allow himself to get any basic relief from his symptoms. Having Matt swoop in and sort of force him to do it alleviates whatever weird guilt complex he has about it while still allowing him to take something that helps him feel better. He's more comfortable with Matt thinking he's getting one over on him than he is with Matt seeing him indulge. oh Jay. something so wrong with you <3
i love the jokes about Matt chaining Jay to his radiator and stuff but I wanna say, a core part of Matt is that he doesn't actually want to totally take away Jay's autonomy. like he could if he wanted, I believe in his ability to. but what Matt wants is to be chosen by Jay over and over in the same way he chooses Jay over and over. he'll do stuff to manipulate this decision obviously lol. and argue. The Buffet was entirely an exercise in getting Jay to realize how much he needs Matt. and he doesn't stop Jay from getting a job. he even relents and apologizes for his freakout. it's not about the job interview, it's about Jay confessing that Matt doesn't fulfill all his needs and that feels like being shot with a gun. he didn't stop Jay from going to a party, he just turned up and made Jay choose him again, even if Jay wasn't aware of it. Matt presented a choice between him and Kayla and wanted Jay to choose correctly, he didn't block the exits. Matt just needs to be chosen and so Jay needs the freedom to choose and this is the Matt torture nexus because even as Jay will always come around, he will keep Matt doubting for the rest of their lives. it's great, it's really great stuff. that's why there's no radiators in Jay's future and why I'm less into the characterization of Matt as being that brand of controlling
Yes!!!!!! And further I think this reading also makes the events at the beginning of the movie so much more devastating and meaningful from a characterization standpoint because here is a Matt who KNOWS that when push comes to shove he wouldn't be able to stop Jay from leaving, his absolute worst fear is ultimately out of his control by design because what he really wants is to be CHOSEN by Jay. When you think about it, as far back as the webseries when he pretends to hang himself but also specifically in the Buffet (one of the only other times he has concrete evidence that Jay is planning on leaving him for real) he is sooo hyper vigilant about it. He immediately sniffs out that something is up even before he reads the letter, before Jay has really said or done anything to indicate anything is out of the ordinary. Matt is clearly just operating under the weight of such a constant, all consuming fear of Jay leaving that he notices before there's even any real evidence of it happening to cite. Which makes the early parts of the movie completely debilitating for me to even think about tbh. Like Jay gave every indication that something was up, he was so wet and miserable before walking up to his room, didn't want to play, barely said anything at all. Matt still didn't think anything was going on. Matt instantly believes it after his initial blowup when Jay says he was taking the RV to do something with him instead of sneaking. Jay tries to do some weird drastic goodbye scene in the middle of the movie theater when Matt thinks he's just getting up to go to the bathroom and Matt still doesn't bat an eye. I don't even know if it's just because Matt has gotten more comfortable and trusting in Jay to never actually be able to go anywhere or if it's because he has had to gaslight himself into that blind optimism to keep himself sane but either way he almost let Jay walk out of his life multiple times that day before even noticing. Those moments through the lens of this post and this, I believe, very accurate reading of Matt make me so dizzy I have to sit down somewhere lol
giving him narcolepsy #jay mccarrol
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are you all aware that sam campbell gets on stage and starts talking about wanting big guys to squish him and beat him within an inch of his life within the first 5 mins of his standup special? idk I just feel like that's something everyone should be made aware of, for the culture
crazy they only gave jay a full what maybe 15 minutes between thinking he was watching matt die and then actually seeing matt die. diabolical
