That Sinking Feeling

at least life wants to fuck me

nobody talks about how exhausting it is to live in that space between "things will get better" and "i can't handle this anymore." it's like your emotions are constantly swinging. leaving you both hopeful and defeated in the same day.

my loneliness is fucking suffocating me.

i hope destroying me fixed you

if someone doesn’t hold me tenderly soon i’m going to burst into flames

i’m very self aware. which unfortunately hasn’t solved anything

imagine how good it must feel to press a gun to your temple after a bad day and just hold it there with your eyes closed for a few minutes before sighing and putting it away

happy pride to losers who get no bitches and stack no paper

I destroy myself to make me feel better but in the end I always feel worse.

when you grew up as a lonely uncool girl it will never stop haunting you by the way. you will meet a cool person at a bar or the train station or at a friend's party and you can wear your most stylish outfit and striking eye makeup and you will swear that they can see through all of the facade and see the lonely terribly insecure teenage girl you used to be who desperately wanted to connect and you will swear that they know that there is like an insurmountable gap between you. this will happen forever