watching an elderly person use their smartphone prepares you to remain calm during a plane crash

The kookaburra was definitely taking part. If it thought it was a competition, it would’ve used a different and louder call

need a hat that says I WONT SPEAK UNLESS SPOKEN TO AND ITS NOT BECAUSE IM DISINTERESTED AND DONT LIKE YOU I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND SOCIAL INTERACTION AS WELL AS MOST PEOPLE AND ASSUME BY DEFAULT MY PRESENCE IS UNWELCOME AS A PRECAUTIONARY MEASURE SO I KEEP TO MYSELF BUT I DONT MIND IF YOU INITIATE so i can wear it to work

Sometimes “locking in” looks like sitting in the sun and remembering that your life is also meant to be lived, not just optimized, monetized, and turned into proof that you’re worthy.

im gonna make it big someday just you watch

*goes back to jerkin it*

everyone in the grocery store is my enemy

in the grocery store anxious as fuck about to kill my fellow customers before they can kill me