this blog is to externally express an internal experience. though i have tried, i have no logic or language for my experience

angelene • schizophrenic • lesbian new account 12.31.25 (gougeddoll terminated)

Sandor Stern’s Pin (1988) centers on Leon, a young man whose childhood dependence on an anatomical teaching dummy slowly delves into a spiraling case of psychosis. Originally, the dummy was used by his abusive father as a surrogate to teach his children uncomfortable truths, such as marital conflict or sex education, through the (admittingly very creepy and unsettling) use of ventriloquy. When his father dies in a car accident with Pin in the backseat of the car, his authority over Leon remains active in the passive presence of Pin. Leon barely mourns his father, understandably so as the man was somewhat of an asshole. Instead, he copes with this loss by dressing Pin in his father’s clothes. Leon continues to animate the dummy using ventriloquy, gradually projecting his father’s abusive voice onto Pin until the distinction between memory and authority begins to collapse. He eventually reaches a point in psychosis where he can no longer distinguish Pin’s (supposed) thoughts from his own.

Pin does participate in the endless number of tropes of the dangerous schizophrenic as a device of “horror” and uses madness as a spectacle; however, as someone diagnosed with schizophrenia, I was surprised by just how much Pin got right. The “voices” becoming externalized, the gradual formation of delusion, the portrayal of delusions of control, the firm conviction rather than confusion, and passive objects becoming meaningful and taking on a life of their own. During psychosis, I also experienced objects as communicating messages from my head and externalized agency of the self. So, I give Sandor Stern props for conveying schizophrenia beyond the typical narrative, which usually emphasizes hallucinatory elements as the end all-be all of the psychotic experience.

here is a few off the top of my head: edison’s eve (highly recommend, no pdf)

on the marionette theatre - pdf

almost human - dolls and robots in contemporary art - pdf

a study of dolls - pdf

on longing - narratives of the miniature (dollhouses) - pdf

the youngest doll - pdf

puppets, masks, and performing objects - pdf

exploring the uncanny valley - pdf

the uncanny - pdf

sex dolls at sea (history of sex dolls) - pdf

the sex doll by ferguson

uncanny dolls: images of death in rilke and freud

the uncanny afterlife of dolls: reconfiguring personhood through object vivification in gothic film

anthropology: playing with dolls

adjacent topics:

a cyborg manifesto - pdf

technologies of the gendered body, reading cyborg women - pdf

how we became posthuman - pdf

the social life of things - pdf

vibrant matter - pdf

the arcades project by benjamin walter - pdf

postmodernism, the culture of late capitalism - pdf

“If I was a beautiful object I would never die

If I was a beautiful object I would never grow old

If I was carved from plastic I would always be plastic”

I mean this ^^

thank you for taking your time to answering this if you do. have a nice day.