Ragings of an Ex-Mormon

You are loved, just the way you are (I know it's been a while since I said it, but yes, I still love you).

The church is not true.

The Bible actually says some pretty specific things about man speaking for god.

You are not broken or lost.

You will get out.

If you try to resign by going through your bishop, it will be nothing but a parade of psychological damage. He will grill you about what you’ve been watching/reading/listening to, who you’ve been talking to, he will demean your intelligence by telling you “smarter men than you have read [the Book of Mormon] and believe it’s the true word of God”, he will do whatever he can to make you doubt your decision right then and there. If that doesn’t work, you’ll be asked to submit to a disciplinary council, where basically the exact same type of shaming will happen, but now with more participants on the bishop’s side. In addition to sending missionaries to visit you (keep in mind that most missionaries are 18-19 year old kids fresh out of high school coming to your house to tell you that you’re living your life wrong and they have the answer) they will also send you any sort of testimonial pamphlets they can find from the highest authorities in the church. In addition, they will often threaten to publicly announce your excommunication to the entire local congregation, meaning if you’re doing this without telling your true-believer family members, they could find out that way.

If you send your information to QuitMormon, they’ll contact the church on your behalf as your pro-bono legal representation. They’ll tell the church that you wish to have your records removed, you do NOT have any sins you wish to confess, you will NOT agree to a disciplinary council, you do NOT want to be sent any proselytizing material or contacted by anyone with connections to the church (such as missionaries, your bishop, etc.)

mormons 18-24 after they go through their endowment ceremony and receive their new name and secret clothing and learn the secret handshakes and passwords and realize everyone around them has been secretly doing this the whole time and now theyre going to be sent away from their family for 2 years where they will literally not be allowed to be alone for 1 second of the day except to go to the bathroom and they have no idea how to get out of what they just got into

then if youre a boy and u turn 18 they’re like wow amazing!!! you get to go on a mission and be like all the great men around you!! and now you get to go through the temple! so #blessed!

and then you go through the temple and all the above mentioned SECRET CULTY SHIT happens (EXPLANATION HERE http://mormoncurtain.infymus.com/topic_templeceremonies.html) and youre shipped off to a strange place where everything you eat, wear, go, listen to and do is controlled, and you’re not allowed to talk to your family or friends (except through a once-a-week email) and you literally are being watched by your companion at all. times. 

Leaving is such an isolating experience. No one inside wants anything to do with you anymore and no one outside understands the scale of messed up that Mormonism is. Like it’s easy to point and laugh at the ridiculousness, but it’s literally a cult. There’s so much trauma involved and there’s trauma in leaving.

People on the outside don’t understand how hard it is to leave. I grew up where all my friends were catholic and are no longer religious and they’re like “well everyone hates church, you just stop going” but Mormonism isn’t like that at all. For starters I had to get a lawyer involved to leave and then the ostracization from the entire community that nurtured me growing up was just the cherry on top. It’s effectively being shunned. Everyone you were forced to call sister and brother growing up no longer wants anything to do with you. And you deserve it, because you shouldn’t have fallen for the anti-Mormon lies.

If you know you’re ready to leave, use quitmormon.com. It’s run by the guy from reddit who is now famous in exmormon circles for offering absolutely free legal services to anybody who needs help leaving. You can give your church id number if you know it, but it’s not required (I never memorized mine, and I sure wasn’t going to ask for it). He takes care of everything. This keeps TSCC (the so-called church) from getting all your latest info and keeps them from hassling you or harassing you. They have to talk to your lawyer instead. Pre 2015, it felt almost impossible to try to leave, but it’s a lot easier now! The years of picketing General Conference to force an excommunication trial are over!

Find a support system. Lean on your friends that have never been mormon, any family members who left, anyone you know who left. I’m an exmormon happy to answer any questions, and I’m sure there are plenty others in the notes who would be super willing to be supportive too. Exmormon groups are many and varied now, and it’s best to find the one that vibes for you. There’s a subreddit that’s popular, but I personally used - and I know this sounds weird, since I don’t have kids - a forum called Mormonism & More on the site babycenter.com. It was started several years ago by some mormons who had questions they weren’t allowed to ask on the normal mormon board (because that board required uplifting, mormon-approved answers at all times). It’s since shifted to ex-mormons or people who want to leave but can’t right now because of family situations. Even though the threads were years old, I spent weeks on that forum, reading about what other people had gone through and how they got through it, and to me, that was super helpful.

Research the culty stuff at your own peril. I liked learning about that stuff for a really long time, because I felt learning about all those secrets (I especially liked learning about the truth of the Book of Abraham) … it helped me feel valid in my choice. It helped me keep in mind that this was something that I had escaped, something that had wanted to hurt me. Missing your abuser doesn’t mean you should go back, it means you should keep moving forward. Missing your cult has the same solution. Lots of people fell for the “we’re totally not a cult!” line by TSCC. Some of them will not offer sympathy. If you want to watch the hidden camera videos of endowments and other temple stuff, I would super super recommend you have a trusted friend watch them with you. And bring comfort food. You’ll probably need it.

TSCC put out a series of essays on controversial (read: faith-killing, eye-opening, omg how could I have ever supported the people who did this) issues in mormon history. They are the Orthodox LDS pre-approved responses to a lot of the more incriminating accusations that have been leveled at TSCC over the years. They should be hosted on TSCC website somewhere, and would have been posted around or after 2015. They may reaffirm your faith now that you know TSCC’s defense, but they may push you right out the door. (Or break the shelf? Do Mormons still use the shelf analogy, or is that retired now?)

Lots of mormons become atheists after leaving. Many join mainstream xian churches. Some become witches, some study every religion they can get their hands on, some try to go back and realize all the magic (or holy spirit, if you prefer) is gone. Don’t think you have to know right away. Some people throw away or burn all their mormon stuff, some people keep it to show their kids, but again, you don’t have to make that decision right away. Some people call TSCC a cult after they leave, myself included, but you don’t have to if it makes you uncomfortable or it it doesn’t feel true to your experience.

Look up religious trauma syndrome. It’s real. The pain you will probably feel is real, the grief you will probably feel is real, and in many ways, you may have to mourn the death of what you were always told Life Will Be For You.

And learn that the world is not half as evil as TSCC told you. Your coworkers who drink a beer at the end of the day are not evil or abusive. Your friends who wear sleeveless shirts are not evil or promiscuous. You’re allowed to wear short shorts! You’re allowed to drink coffee! You’re allowed to ask questions in a faith community without being silenced or condemned! You’re allowed to not want kids! There’s a lot of unlearning here.

I had a high school friend turned college roommate who left, moved 4 hrs away, and I had to lie to people who showed up repeatedly that he wasn’t home. That’s just the smallest outside perspective of this. They kept coming.

For people who are noticing that their community is creepy and controlling and pretty damn harmful to them…

It doesn’t matter if it’s “a cult.” You have the right to leave. You have the right to decide you want something else for your life. You have the right to ask questions about religious topics without being condemned for them. You have the right to have friends who have different beliefs, different backgrounds. You have the right to decide for yourself what “immoral” behavior is, and even the right to hang out with “immoral” people if you want.

Me. I believed it.

And lots of people I care about still believe it.

It’s a high control religion, it’s manipulative, and if you’d been born into it and all your friends and your family and most of the adults in your life believed it—yeah, you’d probably believe it too, at least for a good while.

And adult converts aren’t stupid either. A lot of them have recently suffered a serious loss, are isolated, struggling, or in some other way vulnerable to a religion that makes them feel loved and gives them lots of shiny promises about their future.

Reblog this if you will NOT use or support Post+.

A trans ball, a lesbian ball, and a bi ball come onto the picture. They are all motion-blurred and their eyes are closed and angry. Trans is holding a pitchfork, lesbian has a torch, and Bi has a sword. They yell “QUEER WRATH MONTH!!!” while the rainbow ball watches.

The rainbow ball says “Gotta say, I love the enthusiasm, but July already has something…”

The trans, lesbian, and bi balls open their eyes and the motion blur decreases. They look at the rainbow ball. Bi says “does that mean no more sword?” Rainbow says “Yes.” in big text. Bi says “awe damn…” in little text.

The rainbow ball turns into a ball with the disability pride flag. The disability pride flag is a black flag with five parallel zig-zagged stripes, one blue, one yellow, one white, one red, and one green, The disability ball says “July is Disability Pride Month!” with yellow stars around it.

Trans, lesbian, and bi look in awe. Lesbian has put the torch away and says “oooh!”, trans has lowered their pitchfork ad says “wow”, bi has lowered their sword and says “What flag is that?”

Disability ball says “I’m glad you asked! This is the disability pride flag! It was made by a disabled woman named Ann Migall after an ableist massacre in Japan in 2016. It was made in 2019.”

Disability ball continues: “In Migall’s words, the black is for mourning those who have faced Ableist violence, and for rebellion and protest. The zigzags represent how disabled people navigate barriers and are creative while doing so. They represent breaking free from authority and control.

“The different colors of the stripes are for different kinds of disabilities; mental illness, intellectual and developmental disability, invisible and undiagnosed disabilities, physical disabilities, and sensory disabilities. The stripes are parallel to show solidarity within the Disabled community.”

Trans and lesbian look on in awe and say “nice”. Bi looks at their sword. Bi says “that is very cool Disability, but I do now have a sword and a lot of rage so if there’s not a wrath month, what should I do?”

Disability says “Very good question, bi! Simple! Use that energy to be an ally to your Disabled friends! Did you know that Disabled people don’t have marriage equality in most parts of the world? Get mad about that! Disabled people make up an estimated 26% of the world’s population, we are the largest minority yet most public spaces are inaccessible! Most don’t even know about our pride month! (Not to mention the rampant ableism in the queer community…)”

The comic shifts back to trans, lesbian, and bi. They are motion-blurred again and their eyes are angry. They have raised their weapons once again. Trans says “No marriage rughts?! Here we go again!” Lesbian says “I’m angry again.” Bi yells “Disability Rights!”

So I was in a similar situation and honestly the way I got them to back off without being suspicious came down to the programs byu offered. I don't know what you want to go to college for but personally BYU doesn't have a very good program for what I want and other schools had better programs and my parents backed off. If your parents are paying for college that makes it a lot harder my parents aren't paying for my college but the best suggestion I have is try and find some other schools that you can reasonably argue it would make more sense to go there. Even if you do get stuck going to a church school you can always end up transfering after a year.

So I was in a similar situation and honestly the way I got them to back off without being suspicious came down to the programs byu offered. I don't know what you want to go to college for but personally BYU doesn't have a very good program for what I want and other schools had better programs and my parents backed off. If your parents are paying for college that makes it a lot harder my parents aren't paying for my college but the best suggestion I have is try and find some other schools that you can reasonably argue it would make more sense to go there. Even if you do get stuck going to a church school you can always end up transfering after a year.

IT HAPPENED TO ME: I Waited Until My Wedding Night to Lose My Virginity and I Wish I Hadn’t [x]

 This, Writers.

Stop writing about virginity as if it’s magically important.