hellohello

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

is there anything more humiliating than filling in the 'preferred salary' bit of a job application. grubby victorian workhouse child cap in hand oh guvnah ill work for anyfink! oh if youd be so kind, just a tuppence for me troubles sir, honest only a tuppence!

my ducks? in a row. the elephant? addressed. my goose? cooked. my eggs? in several baskets. the bigger fish? fried.

Your monkeys ?

those aren’t mine.

how to become good at everything no practice no effort no motivation no passion no talent fast free

There some bad fucking people after me. Dangerous people. And their names are Ben and Jerry

might fuck around and walk into a thick fog and never return idk

i should be able to eat noodles for every meal and it not effect me negatively in any way

grocery store mission barely accomplished took massive damage to the hull and all internal systems. shield repair could take days

im completely addicted to Open Link in New Tab

if Open Link in New Tab is wrong then baby i dont want to be right

i can’t stop thinking about the time my roommate and i asked our insanely ripped neighbor brian who wore flip flops year round and sunglasses on the back of his head for help with carrying a solid wood dresser up to our apartment. he wanted to get his son who was home from college to come help too so he takes out his phone and goes, “siri, call christian christianson” and turns speaker phone on while we stand there sort of stunned by the name and after a few rings cc answers, “what the hell do you want” and brian just hangs up without responding and is all, “kids, am i right” then carries the dresser up four flights of stairs pretty much by himself. we offered him a six pack of rainier as thanks which he immediately opened in our kitchen and downed 2/6 beers in 10 mins while telling us about his 1989 dodge ram 1500 he was trying to get his son to restore with him to no avail. really nice guy. we never saw his son before he went back to school but any time i ask my roommate for help with lifting stuff or reaching something he says, “siri, call christian christianson” and we reminisce about brian and his truck.

when people are named baker or fuller or tanner or something its like HA 🫵 I KNOW WHAT YOUR GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GRANDPA DID 🫵🫵

every day it gets harder to have a relaxed jaw and decent posture

if my name was "wolfgang amadeus" i would also be getting a lot of shit done