America's Sweetheart

you gotta come to the club man drinks are $18 and were all on our phones googling dog surgery

My sapphic ass just missed the toilet bowl & slipped in the puddle & fractured muy hulking iron body & now im too crying to get up now theres bugs crawling on me everywhere cuz i spilled my slurpy on my shirt 5 days ago & they want the sugars stuck in it wich i dont even blame them for at all

I Always Smiled Darkly When I Saw The Thieves Attack The Palace

The science behind THC + alcohol as a combination is literally soo interesting because it basically causes the crimson red duckling in your body to confront the serpent in the bronze vessel of your heart. Basically you feel good because the duckling is able to eat the harmonious seeds stored within the vessel and transfer these positive energies into your body. You can have bad highs when this happens if the duckling awakens the serpent and it bites the duckling. The interesting part is when you ingest alcohol after THC because it floods the vessel and causes the serpent to fall into a deep sleep. The duckling never gets attacked by the serpent when this happens because it is unconscious and the duckling is actually able to get fat from the harmonious seed, which causes an enjoyable sensation.

have you seen this yet?

"i've got no qualms about it" meanwhile i'm over here making qualm chowder

it is impossible to watch a movie. every night i think i want to watch a movie. no movie gets watched. because it's not possible

and yet they keep making movies with the hopes that one day humanity will discover a way to watch them. it's so inspiring

Man Im sorry for snapping at you , uts just that I only got 8 hours of sleep last night and I only had like, two pandcakes with strawberrys and whipped cream and like three premium sausags for breakfast

glad they added new maps to baseball

No dentist appointment is complete without the knuckle-whitening toe curling agony of having work done while awake I want to ruin my teeth in 2019 so I can feel the blood welling in my mouth like an untapped water source in a cave as the dentist bores holes in me with a drill