Stewed Beef For Bad Boys

I told a guy his total was 13.21 and he said “wish it were that year, could actually get some good music on the radio”

breaking news from the AP, our boys on the front have just sacked constantinople. take that, heretics. coming up next are the soothing lute dirges of bing crosby

There’s a giant billboard for The Mandalorian and Grogu near my house and every time I see it it pisses me the FUCK off because I Hate Baby Yoda. I hate that thing. Not only do I personally dislike it, I think it is the ultimate encapsulation of this sinister trend in modern children’s and adult-babies’ media to commodify cuteness and refuse to even portray, let alone engage with, ugliness onscreen (outside of the horror genre and the ontologically evil alien/monster race). Baby Yoda is everything that’s wrong with pop culture. If we were a society capable of making Baby Yoda busted I genuinely believe we’d be sub-5 years away from achieving the solarpunk utopia in that one Chobani commercial. I hate it here.

It is not interesting to make a movie where the entire point is how scary and unlovable a creature is and then make that creature objectively cute! Of course audiences are going to love Stitch or that little monkey thing from the Legend of Ochi movie no one saw, they’re designed to automatically trigger the empathy response that we experience when looking at human babies! Boooooo! Boring! Get back to me when someone finally has the balls to make one of these E.T.-formula movies (scary creature appears out of nowhere; the child protagonist is the only one who loves it and wants to protect it from harm) with a creature that is even uglier than E.T. I want to see a creature that is not recognizably any animal or humanoid. I want to see a creature that execs would think is un-merchable. I want to see a creature that is hard to love! This total refusal to show ugly little freaks onscreen is borne of the same impulse that makes it really hard to, say, get people to care about insects. It is CRAZY how people, progressive people, talk about insects in comparison to dogs or like charismatic megafauna. What’s more important to human survival, tigers or spiders? But it’s completely socially acceptable to kill any and all insects on sight, even if they’re harmless, even if you’re in their house, because we all generally agree bugs are ugly and scary and gross. I don’t like how it looks, kill it. I don’t recognize myself in it, kill it. Btw do not tell me “yeah and it’s so wrong bc bugs ARE cute!” I don’t care if you think bugs are cute. I want you to care about bugs even though they’re ugly! Beauty is not a virtue and ugliness is not a sin! “Oh my god, that movie is so good. It’s about a girl finding an objectively adorable monkey and saving it from the adults who want to smash it with hammers.” Fuck off. It is so completely uninteresting to bravely empathize with a cute baby animal. Congrats, you gave it big eyes and now everyone loves it. For your next trick what about growing a spine and making a stupid CGI therapy-speak movie about a girl who loves the ugliest little fucking freak you’ve ever seen. Miyazaki did this, minus the stupid part, with Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind and it was fucking awesome. Whichever corporate drones ordered the design principles of Baby Yoda out of what I have to assume was a grab-bag of body parts from the sickeningly huge-eyed Frozen sisters I hope you get visited in your sleep by the ghosts of three of the most disgusting bugs. And I hope Baby Yoda dies.

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

just had a really stable moment where i opened a redbull at the exact same second someone started playing industrial music in the apartment below and i briefly thought it was coming from inside the redbull can