Squibbles!

I want my belly to hang lower. I want more bright red stretch marks all over my body. I want to become more and more addicted to stuffing my belly. I want none of my clothes to it, and my fat to be ripping out of all of my ol clothes. I want to be breaking furniture. I want my belly to jiggle with every step I take. I want to be sweaty and out of breath just from walking or doing the stairs. I want to be wet all day just from looking and touching all my fat. I want my belly to completely touch the bed when I am on all fours. I want 10k calories to be a daily thing and not even begin to fill me up anymore. I want people to judge me when I walk past. I want my friends and family to barely recognise me. I want them to make comments on my gain. I want my double chin to grow bigger. I want to stretch my belly so big, I can barely see that I have a double belly. I want the scale to go up every time I step onto it. I want to be completely focused on getting bigger and bigger each day.

I have such a burning desire to get fatter than I have ever been before. I am gaining so dangerously fast, my body cannot cope anymore.

I was always meant to be fat. This has been my dream for so long and I finally get to live out all my fantasies.

I was being facetious with the trick part lol but you know the joke "I might be racist, but you're mean and that's worse?" It's the root of that. We discussed it back when we read White Fragility. You can see it in Trump, Elon Musk, and your average Tumblr racist:

They really, REALLY want to be liked. Not just liked, no that's not the right word, but validated.

Think about it this way. Racism is the status quo; the default, right? Part of maintaining that default is through normalization, and that includes the solidarity necessary to reinforce that (DiAngelo called it white solidarity).

So, if being covertly racist is the status quo, then that means you will be socially rewarded for being so. When you get rewarded, people are nice, friendly, relatable, they keke and haha right alongside you. But when you confront someone's racism, you're not socially rewarding them anymore- the spigot of validation has been paused! Instead of taking it as a valid critique, you are seen as socially punishing a person. You're being MEAN, because the validation I got from everyone else's also-racism was NICE!

That's why when you confront racism, you HAVE to stand firm on it. You cannot feed into the desire for the validation of their behavior. That's what makes a lot of people snap. The blowup is meant to stop you, to force you back into compliance! The only one being punished really is you for bringing it up.

And hell, if not socially validating a bigot is punishment... 😐 Why would that be... A bad thing? We're not hitting you with rocks, we're just saying we don't fuck with you and your behavior. (But that's also a part of really all of the books we've read in #cbc book club so far; that antiracism is seen as violence.)

hey friend

dont kill yourself tonight ok

you have a really pretty smile and i know its not always easy to manage one but itd be a bummer if we never had the chance to see it ever again