Lily Ingersoll

caffeine lets you move right. alcohol lets you move up and left. weed is a wild card

had a dream where i invented a new currency and i had to market it to every country for adoption with a short slogan. i went for "inspired by the penny" with indonesia and it instantly failed a public vote.

you have to forgive the printer because it's one of the most machine-ass machines we interact with on a day to day basis. that thing says kerchunk. hardly anything says kerchunk these days. you can't get mad at her when she kerchunks up a little.

Crazy that tech has gotten so bad that we're doing printer forgiveness now

they won't tell you this in therapy but sometimes the best way to stop catastrophizing/anxiety is to interrupt your spiraling with "girl what the hell are you talking about"

i think we should stop having "kink at pride" discourse and START having "kink at the 4th of july" discourse. for no reason other than that it would be very funny

never kill yourself. you have to fill your mutuals dash with shit they don't care about forever, okay?

ok look im robbing a bank and there’s this trans girl and she’s making a good hostage but she won’t stop asking if she’s doing a good job at being a hostage. its sorta endearing but she asks like every thirty seconds- yes girl you’re doing great- and i was wondering if you would like to make a deal for her

bro u have to come thrifting with me dude not only is all the clothing ran through, its also priced the same as new clothes and they won't have shit that fits you well

so i put my hands up theyre playing my song the evil skull flies away

“let women be straight” no. everyone lez out now