Ergo sum

Why does this sound like crackfic C.S. Lewis would write just to get back at Tolkien for disapproving of him putting a lamppost in Narnia

The use of challenege ratings (easy/medium/hard) rather than levels of firmness (soft/firm/hard) to describe egg yolk viscosity implies the existence of higher difficulties such as "eggs over-legendary" and perhaps even "eggs over-nightmare"

Nine rings were made for men. Seven for the dwarves, three for the elves, and one for the big guy himself. One, three, seven, nine. There is but a set of five missing to complete the sequence of odd numbers. I propose that this missing set of rings of power was gifted to a mysterious someone by their true love, along with a partridge in a pear tree (among other things). In this essay I will-

E—m—d—a—s—h—N—e—c—k—l—a—c—e

Y—o—u—P—e—o—p—l—e—W—i—l—l—R—e—b—l—o—g—A—n—y—t—h—i—n—g

needs an em-dash at the beginning and/or end, otherwise the first or last letters will be right next to each other

϶—F—r—i—e—n—d—s—h—i—p—B—r—a—c—e—l—e—t—ϵ

϶—C—U—R—S—E—D—A—M—U—L—E—T—ϵ

Cursed amulet necklace that doesnt have a cursed amulet its just the phrase cursed amulet

϶—C—U—R—S—E—D—(¤)—A—M—U—L—E—T—ϵ

astrologists are calling it “the year of the grinch”

no one can save you but yourself. thats why its important to start swinging your deadly sword around in a circle. dont stop regardless of what people tell you just keep swinging it around

I hope this email rules you all. I hope this email finds you. I hope this email brings you all, and in the darkness binds you.

Bonus: If I buy a book I get to keep it! The publisher can't turn up at my house at random and confiscate all the books I bought.

Everyone’s going on about having a ‘traditional, old-fashioned Christmas’, but when I burst into the house covered in green paint and demand a champion strike my head from my shoulders with my own axe so that I may return the blow next year, I’m ‘scaring Grandma’.

forgot about the green knight and thought the grinch was just going wild

And I forgot that the Green Knight was technically a Christmas story.

by 2035 butchfemme will have been completely superseded by handlerpilot, witchdoll, and maidprincess

Wait fuck I meant to get one of these from the grocery yesterday but I forgor.

I finally got one! After a week of wrestling with my fuck-ass sieve brain, I finally remembered to get me one of these. It was mid. Me and my clothes are now covered in so much powdered sugar that if I rinsed my shirt in a bucket I could use the wash water to brew mead. The stollen is a solid 500g log that now sits in my gut, evidently with full intention to pass through my entire digestive system without changing size, shape, or consistency. I live in fear.