Interplanetary megastellar hydrostatic.

Ben and Jerry’s is dangerous ice cream... capitalizes on the evolutionary human instinct to dig for chunks... before you know it half the pint gone

the children yearn for the mines

You can literally make anything and anyone problematic if you try hard enough seriously give me people and things and I’ll make them all “problematic” right now.

Dogs.

I don’t even have to do this one because PETA did it first by insinuating domestication is inherently abusive.

The sky

Used to trick and mock anyone who asks “what’s up?” A bullying tactic.

Super Mario Bros.

Stereotypes Italians, enforces the narrative of women who need men to rescue them, and encourages violence against turtles.

John Mulaney

He was over on the bench and he SAW what they did to Tyler and he did NOTHING.

Omfg

Pokemon

Making your pets fight repeatedly is animal abuse.

OP

OP literally argued that dogs were problematic but go off I guess

This is a work of art and should be sent to everyone as soon as they sign up for Tumblr so they know what they’re walking into

That reply is unexpectedly inspirational.

You can't spell advertisements without putting semen between tits

:)

Adult man horse girl moment when i had to sprint downstairs and explain the difference between hay and straw

Thank you. I was aware there was a difference but not what it was.

nowhere else does science like this

That's a guy

Should go without saying but never date a cop and christ never marry one. Rule of thumb if he’s legally untouchable he’s ethically unfuckable. You don’t like that cop, you like buff men in tight clothing. I can show you more of those, better ones. Take my hand.

[Image ID: Tumblr reply from burnedHoney reading: Go to a union meeting to find a buff husband in uniform, easy, just pick which trade you think is sexiest /End ID]

the "came back wrong" trope except like... they didnt. like this mad scientists wife died, and so he studied necromancy, brought her back, and she came back and it all worked. like she came back exactly the same as she was before with literally no difference. but the scientist guy is like "oh no... what have i done.... shes Different now!!!! she came back Wrong!!!!" and shes just like. chilling. reading a book. cooking dinner. shes just so so normal but in the guys mind hes like "oh shes soooo weird" but shes just normal

NO its a JOKE and YOU DONT GET IT. ITS NOT THAT DEEP

While she was dead he put his memory of her on such a high pedestal that she could never live up to it alive

alternatively‚ she came back perfectly fine but he thinks she came back wrong‚ because the tragic reality is that he never actually knew his wife

im going INSANE thats MY POST.

I asked my kids if they’d prefer a secret garden or a secret library and my son shook his head and was like “I don’t trust the secret gardeners and librarians”

The kids are right Jazz

But what if I want to be the secret librarian?

What a way to find out your kids went on a whole-ass portal fantasy adventure at some point.

i want all my friends and followers and mutuals and acquaintances to know from the bottom of my heart: i don’t respond to your messages because i’m an insane person, i am insane medieval hermit software running inappropriately on modern queer hardware and social media scares me. it is not your fault

when i get a notifications on my phone i try to kill my phone with a rock

I really can’t believe I’ve been on this hell site for 8 years

Impart me in your wisdom of ancient times

one time there was a tumblr user with the url “pizza” and she would just comment on any text post about pizza saying “omg that’s me” and then we found out she had an entire tag dedicated to saying the n word

One time somebody paid $750 for the url ‘hi’ and got deleted in less than a year for promoting weight loss scams

A horror blogger had a child slave, and couldn’t figure out why people thought that was a problem. Also, somebody said they kinned Hitler and then pretended they died to get rid of their page.

Babe wake up new gender dropped, it's got gills