americans are like i was gifted child but also i didnt learn other countries existed until i was 35 years old

making this post ruined my life

mr. substance abuser has a suggestion for how we should spend the afternoon

that's MS. substance abuser to you

sorry women sorry sorry sorry you can kick me really hard in the head

[ID: A lunchbox containing a handful of loose lettuce and a half-empty bottle of Pepsi.]

that's arugula

[ID: A lunchbox containing a handful of loose lettuce and a half-empty bottle of arugula]

I told my little nephew that I'd wave at his airplane when it flew over my house today, and he very calmly and politely explained that it wouldn't be possible to see me due to the limitations of human vision. I said he just had to squint real hard, and he took a deep breath and went into the toddler version of "see, what you're not understanding–"