Soul of Therapy

Therapy: It’s More than the Problem

She was cordial but reserved. Friendly, but still distant. Showed up every week, but seemed dubious and calculating. When we first started working together, she admitted she didn’t really believe in therapy, and that was okay, because, even though it’s my job, there are times I don’t believe in therapy, either. She had been labeled in the past, dismissed as a diagnosis, perceived as mere…

Victim Vs. Survivor Vs. Thriver

Mental health recovery is undoubtedly complex and nondirectional. Progress happens in its own patterns and often on its own timeline, which can be both frustrating and overwhelming. However, taking a look at one’s perspective is one of the best ways to measure the progress continuum. After all, in terms of mental well-being, sometimes all we have is our perspectives, and our perspectives have a…

Why Everyone Can Benefit from DBT

When Marsha Linehan developed Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), it became widely used among practitioners in the treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder, substance use disorders, eating disorders, and mood disorders. And, yet, DBT skills have universal importance- for just about anyone. While they are effective in treating mental health disorders, they also provide extraordinary benefit…

Your Therapist Will Not Change Your Life

Even though I’m a therapist, I’m certainly not a miracle worker. I (mostly) can’t read your mind. And, I won’t change your life. I will guide, assist, empathize, and support you unconditionally.  I will sit with you while you explore your inner demons and love you for them, because I will see the beauty in the elements you perceive as hideous and unlovable. I will believe in you, maybe even more…

Licensed in the State of California

I have been officially licensed for one month! In a nutshell, this means I completed graduate school, attained 3000 clinical hours in a variety of categories, and passed two licensing exams. The Board of Behavioral Sciences gathered all this information and deemed me competent to reach this holy grail in therapy land. This has been a long, arduous journey, and I am incredibly grateful to have…

The exposed hour: taking off the makeup in therapy

Three years ago, when I was working for an inpatient treatment center, I facilitated a self-esteem and body image group for women. We were a cluster of complex and rich personalities- women of all different sizes and complexions and war stories, each carrying backpacks of pain, trauma, and mental illness. Women face pressure throughout their lives to look, act, and simply be a certain way. They…

It’s not about the problem. It’s about how we cope with it.

Mary just seemed to be branded with perpetual bad luck. There’s really no other way to put it. She literally seemed cursed. She started therapy soon after sustaining a life-threatening injury and now needed to cope with the aftermath of chronic pain and forced unemployment.When we first met, Mary could hardly walk, her schedule revolved around various medical appointments, and the overall…

New Year, Now What?

As we close the month of December, we reach that time where New Year resolutions start surfacing everywhere. This is met with intense reactions, as people polarize with their biases about whether or not making such goals is worth it. By now, it is fairly common knowledge that most of us “mess up” or entirely abandon our resolutions before we even get used to writing down the new date. Generally…

The Three Questions of Therapy

One of my first clients taught me that therapy- and the greater meaning of existence- eventually came down to exploring (and possibly answering) three fundamental, chronological questions. Why should I live? How should I live? What can I do to make my life better?  Sam was an existentialist in every sense of the word- he analyzed life, death, and everything existing in between. When I first met…

Is everyone adulting but me?

I recently read a statistic claiming that Millenials report higher levels of anxiety and  depression than any other generation at the same age reported. I am not interested in the actual research behind this statistic. Perhaps it’s true, or perhaps our generation is just more likely to acknowledge mental illness, but as a Millennial myself and as therapist who works with this population, I can…

Your Partner Deserves Your Best Self

“..But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” We have all heard this trite cliche. It’s plastered everywhere on social media, taunted as a cutesy threat towards potential suitors who may be showing interest. Supposedly Marilyn Monroe said it first, though this is more of a rumor than proven fact, but regardless of the original owner, it has morphed…

“I Relapsed When I Got Fat.”

I relapsed when I got fat. She said this with a matter-of-fact shrug and then gave me a smirk. She was six days sober and and teetering between the underweight and normal weight charts.  It was our first therapy session, and we were talking about her recent relapse after six months of sustained sobriety. It had been a chaotic bender fueled by meth, alcohol, and prostitution, and she identified…

The Opposite of Being Loved is Not Being Hated; It’s Being Misunderstood

I just hate myself. She practically spat those words at me during our intake, when we were sitting across from each other, going back-and-forth, engaging in the typical therapist question-and-answer banter. She didn’t have a defined therapy goal or objective, and even though she was referred to me for her debilitating substance use, she didn’t have much to say beyond that very sentence. I just…

When Clients Lie in Therapy

Most clients lie in therapy. They omit, they change stories, they minimize or dramatize, they fabricate, and I’m absolutely okay with it. There are infinite reasons “why” people lie, but it typically can be summarized into this: lying is coping. It’s a primitive means of survival, a safeguard that protects our raw, vulnerable selves. Lying softens the reality; therefore, it softens us. We lie to…

The Client I Won’t Give Up On

I liked her the first moment she walked into my office. She was funny, hysterical actually, with a dry sense of humor that reminded me of my own, and she was wise beyond her years, transparent about all her mental scars and self-deprecating thoughts. This client had a captivating energy to her, the kind that made our sessions both intriguing and enjoyable. I always looked forward to our time…

The S.T.U.C.K Series: Part 2

I know what I need to do, but I just can’t do it.  In the first part of this series, I described the foundation for my S.T.U.C.K theory, outlining the acronym “scared to undergo change and/or knowledge.” Feeling stuck is one of the most prevalent problems I work with- no matter the population or demographic. Stuck is a state of helplessness- a miserable one- and it keeps us fearful, ashamed, and…

The S.T.U.CK Series: Part One

I know what I need to do, but I just can’t do it.   Taylor entered therapy knowing exactly what was wrong with him and exactly how to cope with it. He could outline his defense mechanisms, as if he had recited a psychology textbook, and explain his rationale for why he had each of them. He had mesmerizing intellect, the captivating kind, and I truly believe he could outsmart me on every level.…