#radical acceptance

For me, it’s less ‘be nice to disabled people because it could happen to you’ and more: accessibility already benefits everyone, ableism is deeply internalized in all of us, and most people will eventually have to confront dependence, limitation, chronic illness, pain, aging, or loss of function. So maybe unpacking that fear now matters.

You're learning something new and it's hard and confusing and you're not sure you follow it entirely? Yes, that's valid, it makes a lot of sense that this is hard to grasp, you're literally rewiring your brain from a lifetime of programming.

You're trying a new self validation method and it feels fake af? Yes, that's valid, how could it not feel fake after a lifetime of being told you're a piece of shit and everything is your fault? It makes a lot of sense that you're struggling with it. That's valid, too.

You're having trouble accepting a situation that's too hard to accept? Yes, that's valid, your brain is literally trained to deny and avoid the hard things and you're fighting against that programming every single day. It makes a lot of sense that you're struggling to accept something that your brain is literally trying to protect you from feeling hurt by, it makes a lot of sense. That's also valid af.

If you feel low, if the intrusive thoughts are getting in, do that small thing that gives you joy no matter what it is. Just do more little things to get through.

And then, one day, you'll choose to take the cover off, or it'll fall down, or you'll open a phone camera accidentally, and you'll see something that wasn't their before.

Focus on...

1. Safety - sometimes safety means doing risky things to make sure your mood doesn't get too low

2. Joy - step by step like a magpie collecting euphoria until you look back to see the dragon's hoard of joy you have amassed

3. Community - finding people who are there to speak through the bullshit your brain can come up with, we are all here together, we need to help each other.

Anyone can reach out to me, we're here for each other

So much of your blog is "Yaya another thing in my body broke (kill me)"

I'm not judging at all, cause I'm also dealing with that somewhat but,

In the most polite manner possible;

How the fuck do you manage to function without killing everyone around you in a bodily pain induced rage.

Body hurts too much.

But in all seriousness, therapy and a whole lot of radical acceptance.

I don't approve or like what’s happening to me, but realistically, there is no way to avoid it, so I either have to accept it and make changes to my life or reject it and increase my suffering.

It might take me a while to process this change and there might be a few screaming breakdowns in the interim (”it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair!”) but after a long time of doing this type of therapy, I’ve gotten good at holding my own hand and holding myself through the despair.

It’s a bit like being my own gentle parent. Like “hey bud, I know this sucks and you’re feeling a lot of big emotions right now. And I’m not asking you to stop feeling them, but I do need you to eat and drink before you get sick, okay? Okay, you’ve had some water, do you want to try for a shower? No? Okay, let’s go back to bed for a bit. We’ll try later... Cry it out if you need to. I’ve got you.”

Probably sounds bonkers to some people but it's the only reason I’m still alive.

My support network is wonderful and they do so much to keep me going, but it wasn't until I allowed myself to feel my emotions and self soothe through them that things got better.

I can’t change what has been done to me. I can’t change the dynamic nature of my disabilities or the fact that parts of my body will continue to break down. But I can accept myself and say, this is the way things are: react accordingly for our continued survival.

Radical acceptance isn’t about approval or giving up. It's a stress tolerance skill that lets you look at some of the worst parts of your life and go “fuck this sucks. Okay, how do I make this suck less?” and then following through on it.