#twelve steps

"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Who cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course. Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness. It is truly awful to admit that, glass in hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from us.

No other kind of bankruptcy is like this one. Alcohol, now become the rapacious creditor, bleeds us of all self-sufficiency and all will to resist its demands. Once this stark fact is accepted, our bankruptcy as going human concerns is complete.

But upon entering A.A. we soon take quite another view of this absolute humiliation. We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personal powerlessness finally turn out to be firm bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives may be built.

Christ in the Garden of Olives 1875-1880. :: Gustave Moreau  :: oil on canvas

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BREATHING UNDER WATER: Spirituality and the Twelve Steps

Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

~ Step Twelve of the Twelve Steps

It  is a karmic law of in and out, and what  Jesus really meant when he  sent the disciples “to cast out devils, and to cure  all kinds of  diseases and sickness” (Matthew 10:1) or to “go out to the world  and proclaim the Gospel to all creation” (Mark 16:16). He knew you had to hand  the message over before you really understood it or could appreciate it  yourself.

A  person will suffocate if she just keeps  breathing in. The Jewish name  for the Holy One, literally unspeakable, is  “Yahweh,” an imitation of  the sound of breathing in and breathing out. It could  not be uttered,  only breathed. The sacred name of God reveals the deepest  pattern of  all reality—the cycle of taking in and giving back out. It is the  shape  of all creation and of God, a Trinitarian circle of indwelling and   outpouring.

… Fuck God. God wasn’t the one who quit opiates, I did.  I am the one that made this decision, and I alone sit behind the big mahogany desk in the corner office at which the buck of responsibility ultimately stops. I’m the only person that initiated the process and actually went through it — “admit we are powerless over addiction” my ass.  God didn’t go through the withdrawals for me; and I reckon purely in terms of time served, Jesus Christ himself endured only a few hours on the cross, while I’ve been nailed up on this bastard for the past eight years.

If I ever catch God alone in the prison showers, I swear by all the crows that hide in midnight I will shiv that motherfucker like a runaway sewing machine stalking the streets of the fabric district, and it will be well deserved. That prick has a lot to answer for.  Still thinks he gets to take all the credit, while waving his hands and avoiding any of the blame. Sorry, but I refuse to accept a glib “mysterious ways” as an answer to anything, you are required to show all your working or else receive a failing grade.

Just let me get one solid hand on God’s shirt collar, one hand, and I’ll redecorate all the halls of heaven by painting them red with his ink.

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