#dialectical behavior therapy

A lot of us have been told again and again that BPD is caused by childhood trauma. For a long time that was the mainstream opinion, and it can cause a lot of confusion for those of us who don't have any trauma to point to. The truth is, BPD is a set of unhealthy reactions we develop as a result of multiple factors.

The biosocial theory states that our emotion regulation issues stem from a combination of biological factors and an invalidating environment.

What does biology have to do with it? Well, the brain functions differently for different people, including being structured differently. A history of family mental health issues can point back to biological predisposition. Generational trauma can also impact BPD, not just through how our parents act- studies into epigenetics and fetal development have shown that trauma that occurs to a mother can change the way her children develop. People may also experience other conditions that impact their emotional regulation. Chronic pain lowers our ability to cope with emotion. Stunted social development or social anxiety in childhood can lead to worse emotional regulation.

Environment factors are less about trauma and more about invalidation. If our emotions are downplayed or ridiculed in childhood, or if our emotions are neglected and we are only taken seriously when we have big outbursts, we won't learn the skills necessary to cope with our more extreme emotions. Obviously, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse are a massive source of invalidation, especially if they occur in the home. However, of all types of abuse, emotional neglect has the biggest correlation with BPD symptoms.

Why is this important to know?

I am unable to afford therapy or official RO skills groups currently, so I have ordered a book on RO and a workbook to work through it independently. I will also be working on DBT skills at the same time so that I do not worsen my headmates who struggle with undercontrol instead of overcontrol.

I love my partner to death, I was just adoring him in my head when I realized he’s just disappointed me again. It’s usually always tiny little things and inconveniences… I try my darn best not to emit negative emotions and frequencies but I am so sensitive to the point of causing myself mental health issues.

My partner is not a great texter. He’s got some other flaws where he consistently disappoints me, but they’re little things… like forgetting to remove his hair out the strainer after he showers, his inability to clean the toilet, him saying he’ll do dishes when he comes home and many times that never happens. I usually do give grace but it’s usually consistent faults and imperfections that start to affect my emotions.

He tends to agree or say he will do something and then either forget or plans change and thus he can’t do the thing… so when he sets these expectations for me and I ask him to communicate with me about specific things he wil forget and I will become disappointed in him and have an emotional reaction to the change of consistency or word of mouth expectations…. I’ve noticed recently he’s been doing it a lot , where he gives me an expectation, like agreeing to inform me on when the movie with his dad is so I can have a general idea when he’d be home, or when about he’ll be leaving his get together… and then he’ll just fail completely to remember to inform me and or he’ll forget his previous obligations like him saying he’ll do dishes when he gets home.

I completely understand he has faults and weaknesses like I do, but my issue is actually my own emotional reaction to these things that affect me… I don’t really like having emotional breakdowns from these lack of consistencies because in my opinion they’re trivial life stuff. The important stuff is his love, patience, kindness, loyalty, and more……

But I dont know what to do with all these bursting emotions when he fails to do something he said he’d do…

I’m sure it’s a trigger to childhood trauma, but I don’t want to necessarily bring all that emotion on him for forgetting to text me or forgetting he said he’d do the dishes when he came home….

But at the same time my emotions usually don’t get resolved unless they’re seen, heard, acknowledged, understood, and reassured…. But that’s such an emotionally exhausting way of going about things… I’d like to just resolve my emotions on my own without having to talk to him and express my emotions if possible, like I don’t want to be dramatic and sensitive I just want to feel secure and okay.

I love him dearly and that won’t change unless he were to become a different, bad, person. But I still struggle with some of his weaknesses… whereas he seems to have no issues with mine

He seems to have a major issue at remembering to text me his whereabouts or when he’ll leave or get home if we’ve previously agreed to him updating me. When he sets the expectations of coming home around a certain time or letting me know when about that time may be and then doesn’t remember to share that information with me I get very upset but i dont want to project all that trauma onto him. I want to feel secure but hes got flaws where he can’t remember to text me updates when hes “ enjoying the moment” which i get, but also we agreed you’d communicate with me and then didnt…

Since I'm feeling extremely lifeless, depressed, and i wake up everyday with drug-induced chemical hangover (i'm in recovery) ~ the biological response would be to be inactive, to give up, to ache for the end of life

So I'm proud of myself for doing the opposite ~ i perform all activities of daily living, engage in intense physical exertion, draw and make art, talk to and be caring towards the people near me...and post on Tumblr

But I'm also cutting myself major slack, so I do let myself relax whenever i can and binge watch movies etc it's been a while since I binge watched anything, so that's been nice

Scream 7 was hilariously bad by the way, especially the killer reveal and motivation made 0 sense lmao; I get that it's hard to do better than Scream 1, but it's like they didn't even try?! If I can keep breathing and living despite everything, a big production company can produce a far better film but whatever, we're living in the dark ages of entertainment/story writing I guess, despite the abundance of media

Anyway, I am told it will take me a FULL YEAR to maybe go back to my previous energy levels but you know what I'm gonna placebo effect my way into healing much quicker!

Fun fact: placebos have been shown to work even when the subject knows they're placebos!

How Dialectical Behavior Therapy Builds Healthy Coping Skills

Dialectical behavior therapy helps individuals manage intense emotions, improve relationships, and develop effective coping strategies. At Avatar Recovery Center, dialectical behavior therapy is integrated into personalized treatment plans to support emotional regulation, mindfulness, distress tolerance, and long-term recovery success. Call us now, Visit our facility now, Contact us now.