Snake and Mouse

This kind of attitude pisses me off btw. Actually when it comes to politics, we should be thinking about stuff seriously basically all of the time. It's not about being virtuous or morally superior or whatever, it's just important to care about what you are saying. I don't care that lots of dog people say there are "gender" differences in dogs – lots of people say lots of bullshit and if it's wrong and harmful it should be addressed.

Hey sorry no you can't think about "dog genders" without thinking about human gender because gender is a social construct that doesn't apply to dogs so you've already failed! Fuck off with your dismissive "looool".

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PBS: Language as Prejudice - Myth #6: Women Talk Too Much (via misandry-mermaid)

Every EVERY women’s studies class I’ve been in has had this problem and failed to address it. 

American Comb Duck (Sarkidiornis sylvicola), male, family Anatidae, order Anseriformes, Peru

Northern Hog Badger (Arctonyx albogularis), family Mustelidae, Kaziranga Tiger Reserve, Assam, India

Once considered to be a subspecies of the Greater Hog Badger, A. collaris, which has now been split into 3 species.

i see this and raise you: scenario in which shane had a bag with him (excuse of going to a gym if anyone asked) (shane, who was going to ask and expect a prop??? my guy), which means ryba comes out sneakily to explore after smelling the lure of tuna, CLIMBS IN because she likes sleeping on a hoodie of shane's that ilya 100% stole so hey!! i know this smell!! comfy smell!!, ryba just O.O what is happening to me rn when she is suddenly in motion and just freezes, and now shane makes it back to the hotel only to find??? he has??? A PASSENGER???

where the FUCK did a cat come from????

so now he's processing 1. apparently rozanov has?? a cat??? 2. i apparently accidentally stole?? rozanov's cat??? 3. jesus FUCK i am going to have to face rozanov again because i HAVE to return this fucking cat.

and from ilya's pov?? FULL fucking freakout when he can't find ryba. like shane leaves, ilya cleans up, and then goes to find ryba in the guest room where she usually hides under the bed because. well. at least you can come out now, rybochka, there is no one-

and then?? she isn't there???

so now ilya is facing TRUE nightmare day. situationship just noped out of a boyfriend roleplay, lied about it TO HIS FACE, and NOW?? HIS CAT?? IS SUDDENLY FUCKING MISSING????

like man is GOING! THROUGH! IT!

and then?? gets a text from shane?? okay, maybe he feels bad and wants to-

"do you have a cat?"

what??? the fuck????? is THAT the relevant fucking information here? yes he does but-

and then it's just a picture of ryba on a hotel bed in shane's bag and ilya is just ??? what sick fuck move is this??? you stole my fucking cat??

"why do you have my cat?"

"you have a cat?"

"fucking obviously. why do you have her??"

"i didn't mean to! she climbed in my bag! i'll bring her back now."

and now they are FORCED to see each other again fucking. IMMEDIATELY after the tuna meltdown.

and shane is a bundle of knots inside, but they get there, he has to come inside again because ryba is REFUSING to come out of the bag because WHAT is happening to her today, so shane has to come inside so he can put the bag down and unzip it so ilya can coax ryba out, and now shane is watching ilya be so gentle and patient with his very freaked out cat and getting a reminder of who ilya REALLY is. like today was freaky and overwhelming but like. THIS is ilya. even in the early days when shane was nervous about things in bed, ilya was always patient and gentle with him, too.

The book mostly is told from the POV of Pierre, a self-insert who is failed author and, I cannot stress this enough, utterly pathetic 

Quasimodo damaged his hearing as a teenager from years of bell ringing and now uses sign language whenever he can

There is a scene where Quasimodo and a fellow deaf guy have to have a conversation without using sign language because they’re in a courtroom and the jury doesn’t know sign. It goes about as well as you’d expect 

Frollo has a little brother, Jehan, who he raised after their parents died. Jehan is now a frat bro in college whose hobbies consist of getting drunk and being mean to Quasimodo. In his first scene Jehan complains about college DEI because an Italian guy got a scholarship he wanted. 

Esmeralda is accused of witchcraft because she taught her pet goat Djali how to do math

Djali may or may not be sapient. He can and does imitate human mannerisms to make fun of people on purpose. He does this while on trial. 

Yes. They tried the goat for witchcraft, too. 

Pierre writes a whole play riding on the pun of dolphin/Dauphin. Nobody likes it. 

Frollo is an alchemist and has a secret mad science lab where he writes on the walls

Jehan literally pulls a “buy my silence” and frollo gives him money to make him shut up

There’s a trio of catty girls who bully Esmeralda like it’s Mean Girls

Quasimodo and Frollo literally have Cryptid Status— Parisians circulate rumors that Quasimodo is either a familiar, a homunculus, or the result of demonic mpreg, and that Frollo is a wizard with wizard powers and/or a ghost

There is a little old woman who lives in a hole and shouts slurs at people. She has a tragic backstory. 

There is a homicidal con man/king of thieves named Clopin Troillefou (surname translation: The Fool of Fear) who deserves tumblr sexymanhood.

Pierre learns how to carry chairs with his teeth 

There’s an entire chapter dedicated to the layout of the streets of Paris in painstaking detail

There’s another chapter that is a rant about interior design 

Esmeralda and Pierre get platonically married due to Clopin’s murderous shenanigans. Pierre tries to make a move in her but ends up being more emotionally attached to Djali the goat than to her. I think that should be grounds for divorce

There is a scene where Pierre has to choose between helping Esmeralda escape or helping Djali. He picks Djali. 

Frollo hides from his own brother by laying face down in mud and playing dead. Somehow this works 

There is a Plot Significant Tiny Shoe. A Tiny Shoe Chekhov’s Gun. And Victor Hugo will not stop telling you just how Tiny this shoe is. 

There’s a soap opera style plot twist that involves a false accusation of cannibalism and the woman in the hole who shouts slurs

Quasimodo makes up a stupid little song that doesn’t even rhyme to confess his love to Esmeralda, who remains oblivious

He then attempts to demonstrate his affection via convoluted metaphors that involve props. She doesn’t get it. Boy please say what you mean

Frollo pulls the classic discord groomer tactic of threatening self-harm if Esmeralda doesn’t give in. 

Jehan rolls up to a party/rescue mission scheming session in Clopin’s secret hideout in full plate armor (how did he get that???), drunk off his ass, and acts like he owns the place. Everyone finds this so ridiculous that they just let him

Hugo goes on and on about how innocent and naive Esmeralda is but then casually reveals that Esmeralda carries a dagger on her person at all times to fend off assault. When Frollo attacks her and Quasi intervenes, she takes Quasi’s knife and almost kills Frollo (fair!) but he flees. She contains multitudes?

Frollo has a psychotic breakdown in the middle of a field surrounded by chickens and hallucinates skeletons everywhere 

For the first half of the book Esmeralda is like 70% sure Frollo is a ghost, not helped by his aforementioned Cryptid Status

Jehan eats a moldy piece of cheese off the ground 

Frollo tries to send Pierre on a suicide mission in drag. Pierre objects to the suicide part but not the drag part  

Clopin’s preferred weapon is a scythe, he’s very good at using it, and he sings when he fights. Again: sexyman potential. 

Victor Hugo has a foot fetish. I initially dismissed it as Frollo having a foot fetish until Victor Hugo included a foot fetish torture scene without any Frollo in it. So I can only conclude that the foot fetish is authorial in nature. Unfortunately the foot scenes are important to the plot. 

Frollo is canonically 36, he just aged like shit and is bald. The narrator will not stop telling you just how bald he is.

Despite being in full plate armor, Jehan gets splatted like a bug