Power exchange has always been one of the ways I understand intimacy. I’m drawn to people who are capable and self-possessed in their own lives, but choose to give themselves over to me. I love the trust in that surrender and the clarity of knowing exactly what our roles are. So much of kink for me is about that story being told.

Part of what makes that dynamic so compelling is what it gives me permission to access in myself. Consensual sadism lets me inhabit parts of myself I usually have to restrain in my public and professional life. My submissives love when I’m aggressive, selfish, intense, possessive, controlling, impatient, demanding. I don’t have to soften those qualities. Getting to fully inhabit them feels liberating.

And that freedom extends to what I get to explore in them too. Kink makes shame and vulnerability legible. It lets me play with the things people usually try to hide, suppress, or make polite. It’s aesthetic for me too. I love the body restrained, marked, hurt, and healing. I love the visual evidence of what happened and documenting it. I love letting my partners see themselves through my eyes and showing them how beautiful I find them in those moments.