if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

i need (abruptly stops talking & stares at some random fixed point with a vacant expression)

today i just (remembers to maintain privacy online) did something really cool. you have to trust me

Everything used to be 20 dollars and now that I finally have 20 dollars everything is now 200 dollars

My job is literally in safety and emergency management and that phrase makes me break out in hives. Which is to say that you are entirely one million percent correct.

ma'am, I'm going to place you on a brief hold while I look for a reaction image

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

You should be starting a recipe book. I don't give a shit if you're only 20-years-old. The modern web is rotting away bit by bit before our very eyes. You have no idea when that indie mom blog is going down or when Pinterest will remove that recipe. Copy it down in a notebook, physically or digitally. Save it somewhere only you can remove it. Trust me, looking for a recipe only to find out it's been wiped off the internet is so fucking sad. I've learned my lesson one too many times.