French Tugboat

My thembro Beauremont got fucking catfished

it’s been over a week and i still haven’t recovered from this absolutely fucking stellar addition to my post. this is literally so fucking funny.

i thought it could get funnier than the coke turning into a pepsi but then he shot the fucking dvd of willy wonka and i lost my mind

i have a suggestion

going on a guilt trip do yall want anything

if you really cared about me you wouldn't have to ask

we desperately need sex 2

i just know someone's going to mention kink. girl that's still sex 1. we had to invent BDSM cause we didn't have sex 2. tis but a pale reflection. but it's coming

kink reaches mayyybe like sex 1.3 if it hits just right

when sex 2 comes out what sorts of quality of life updates will be included to help draw in people who never really got into sex 1

more pleasurable. more intellectually stimulating. higher skill ceiling. more dynamic metagame. optionally more mental-emotional alignment between parties. less cleanup. more intuitive. more variety in sensation and activity to match diverse sensory tendencies. smoother integration with parties' coupled emotional processing. and so on

Fishing minigame.

Fishing minigame

I hope sex 2.0 isn't like web 2.0

I feel for everyone who isn’t having the time of their fucking lives with The Vampire Lestat. Every week I clap and cheer for the antics of the world’s saddest buzzword-laden bisexual crash-out diva and his crew of the least healed men to ever grace the small screen. The songs are cringe delightfully camp, the wigs are a nightmare, I’m living my best life, I’m loving every second. Why the fuck would you have a blood shower in your tour bus. The onscreen mother-son incest is only like the third wildest thing happening in any given episode. It’s insane. I never want it to end

Tumblr is the reason why I have something I call the cashier test which is, if i told this to a random cashier at the grocery store, would they think you're crazy at best or at worst would they be warranted in leaping over the counter and beating the shit out of you. Karl Marx mpreg is crazy, but not beating the shit out of you crazy. The cashier will probably talk about you to their coworkers and it might even make their day. Telling someone they're complicit in their own oppression by working a minimum wage job at a grocery store makes them warranted in leaping over the counter to beat the shit out of you.

It's spring now which means the kids in my city have started drawing hopscotches on the sidewalk and as a rule I do every hopscotch I see because 1. Use it or lose it (ability to scotch) and 2. If a child got down on the hardscrabble streets of Boston Massachusetts to draw a scotch the least I can do is use it, but in doing the hopscotches, I've learned that about 50% of them are the typical 8-10 step scotch and the other 50% are. Somewhat avant-garde. And of course I'm not vetting the entire scotch before I start it so sometimes it's like haha 8 steps woo! Childlike whimsy! And sometimes they're 20 steps or 30 or they've got a section with three squares instead of two where you have to do a little Charleston to step on all three, or, memorably, FORTY one foot squares. A full BLOCK of jumping on one foot but I'm no quitter so once I've started Jigsaw Junior's fuckin hopscotch gauntlet I'm there til the end just a daily pot smoker in her thirties jumping kasa-obake style through an affluent suburb while some little proto-kennedy watches from his bedroom window rubbing his sadistic little third grade hands together and cackling. It's amazing. I love spring.

For this game of dodgeball, I will be specifically targeting the gayest and most autistic among you to eliminate. 

Okay so normal rules then

every time someone realizes they dont have to pick between being a boy or a girl an angel gets its wings btw. and also extremely loud cheering can be heard in the distance from me specifically

RIP Alex Jones who popped like a balloon in his car.