шанежка

the iconic all stars 2017 rozanov-hollander helmet kiss hits the internet

later, rozanov gleefully decides to repeat it when hollander scores in a regular game... against? boston?

what the hell is he doing? that guy is so weird. at least hollander, unflappable as ever, seems to take it in stride and just laughs it off. even rozanov struggles to get under hollander's skin, huh?

("can't i appreciate good hockey?" he says, later, when asked about it. "a beautiful goal is a beautiful goal, even if it is from hollander!")

("does this mean you'll kiss any opposing teammate who scores an impressive enough goal?")

("no ❤️")

rozanov scores against montreal a few minutes later, and holds out his arms to hollander expectantly. hollander's answering 😐 is so iconic it enters several people's reaction image folders once it hits the internet.

the next time hollander scores in this game his teammates are ready. they get there first. back OFF, rozanov. if ANYONE is going to kiss hollander for that beautiful goal, it's US.

all five teammates on the ice with hollander pass him around to take turns smooching his head while rozanov loudly protests he should also be allowed to have a turn and gets laughed off.

shane hollander would just like to know how he got here? why is this happening to him exactly? hello?

unfortunately for shane hollander, he gets a hat trick this game, which means the metros new tradition of "linemates, defensemen, and the goalie all have to pass hollander around for kisses" is cemented. he's not getting out of this now.

it continues on into other games. it's just a thing now. it's popular with the fans, and it always makes hollander laugh and roll his eyes, and everyone loves when a camera manages to get a close up of shane hollander (the most beautiful man in the entire league) laughing.

("jaaane i didn't mean for this to happen. i don't want to see all these other men kissing you 😭😭😭😭")

("You did this. I have no sympathy. This is directly your fault.")

("this is u right now isnt it 😾😾😾")

("Fuck off.")

the people of montreal really love this bit. not only are the crowds blowing hollander kisses every time he scores in a home game, but also he's getting ribbed about it during post-game press. Everyone Loves Cap Kissy Time

it becomes something of a montreal local meme. every time something good happens (nailed a job interview? got a promotion? got back a straight-A report card?) you have to blow a kiss to the centre bell. for captain hollander.

this is all well and good until the day they just barely lose a game to boston in overtime. and then rozanov turns to blow a kiss across the ice to hollander.

ilya, equally as drunk and suddenly a poet of profound wisdom “ ‘nd i wish i could live in your cage of ribs, the bones around your heart — the fuck whats its called, whatever — and never ever leave ever”

both nodding in complete agreement “ilya do y’think we can do voluntary organ transplants with eachother?”

“we have same blood type so yes. probably. we are rich so who cares. tomorrow we call doctor”

“okay <3”

Shane Enabler Hollander: ok so Ilyusha this player has had zero assists in the entire season, he got drafted last, and finally - and this is crucial - he once scored a goal in his own team's net

ohoho this is such a fun question thank you for asking it. yes and no. i think that there is a big difference between emotional intelligence and like... the kind of hyper-attunement to small shifts in other people's moods that is actually a learned trauma response. to me, healthy emotional intelligence comes from a place of security. i can emotionally self-regulate myself, and that sense of inner calm is part of what enables me to be curious about your emotional experience and empathetic to your perspective. emotional vigilance, by contrast, comes from a place of deep fear. i never feel fully safe or secure, so i am constantly scanning other people's expressions and words to try to gauge their emotional temperature and predict whether they are going to turn on me or lash out at me. that type of emotional hyper-attunement can give you some accurate emotional information (yes, that person is upset) but that information often gets read through a trauma-distorted framework (e.g., this nice person is upset, which means they are upset with me, which means i have done something bad or have upset them in some way, which is just further evidence that i am bad, unworthy, unforgivable, which anyone who ever gets close to me is able to see). or idk... shane seemed freaked out when i called him by his first name and said he couldn't do this anymore, and that means it's over between us and there's nothing i can do to repair it, and now he's dating a woman and he must be doing it to hurt me, and so i must hurt him back to show him that i don't care and he has no power over me. like ilya's not misreading the emotion... shane IS freaked out... but because he has ZERO good communication tools he can't do anything to investigate the emotion further or to figure out why shane got overwhelmed... and because he's so bad at emotional self-regulation he spends the next few months crashing out, lashing out at others, lashing out at shane, chewing on some poor girl's ear, etc etc.

i think people overstimulate shane like nothing else. in packed rooms where everyones talking at the same time and he’s supposed to remember how to respond appropriately and they keep bumping into him and theres food smells and perfume smells shane starts dissociating after four minutes.

but on the ice where one sound is completely surrounding him and not right up in his business? shane is thriving. he loves the crowd pops when he scores and he loves the chants and jumping fans and he loves the brief all encompassing SLAM when he checks or is checked into the boards and he loves the way his gear compressed against his whole body, centering him completely in that moment.