One of my son’s best friends lost his father recently after a long battle with cancer (6 years, I believe?). He is in high school, so older than Steph’s daughter. His mother had always been an incredibly involved parent, but to watch the way she threw herself into being a full time mother after her husband’s death was truly amazing. Her son was (and is) her absolute number one priority. She did not erase her husband. Quite the opposite. She talks about him all the time, his picture is still all over their house, she even recently took her son on an international trip with her late husband’s family, etc. One thing that she did that I thought was particularly touching was she renovated their house, explaining to me that she and her husband had discussed it for years, had plans drawn up, etc, but that everything got put on hold when he was diagnosed with cancer. She said that completing the renovations he had envisioned felt like a way of honoring his wishes, while also doing something that would benefit their son. Now, at the same time, she also began going out for drinks with friends after work, going to concerts, dipping her toe back into the social scene that she had ignored for years, while she was focused on her husband’s health. Other moms gossiped about her doing this. She only went out when her son was at an activity (keep in mind that the son drives himself), was home by the time he got home, etc. I actually believe that this was healthy. She had spent 6+ years as the primary caretaker for her husband, so, to me, re-engaging with friends was an important part of the healing process.
All of the above to say, that I would not judge someone for venturing out into the world of the living after the death of a spouse. I would not even judge them for dating again. Because, as everyone has pointed out, grief looks different for everyone. BUT, what I will judge MW for is the ruthless way in which she erased her husband from her life (I can only imagine how his family and friends must feel). The way she very quickly not just began dating, but began following another man all over the world, dragging her daughter with her. And that leads me to the most disgusting part of all of this, the daughter. I don’t care about MW grief. I don’t care if MW f*cks half of the men in the world as part of her “healing”. What I do care is that at no point in all of this does she appear to have considered her daughters feelings or needs. So, to P*rv and anyone else who wants to judge us for judging MW, I would say it’s not just about MW and how she chooses to grieve (or not), it is about the family of her deceased husband and the poor little girl who lost her stepfather.
(I apologize for how long this is, but clearly P*rv struck a nerve with me!)
Dear Will Not Judge Anon,
Thank you for sending me this. I believe you make some very interesting and valid points.
Yes, grief is a very personal experience. And I agree with you: we are not judging the grieving process. We are seeing and -yes!- judging the opportunism, which I think is revolting, in this particular case. And the complete lack of parental responsibility, especially considering certain special circumstances I shall not dwell upon.
The House Pet Troll is, as always, pathetically manipulating her readers.
I often wonder how Eoin's family must feel about this. And I am also often left without words.
