♡

"🥪" is shorthand for "🍞🧀🍅🥬🍞"

can you people stop reblogging this my notes look like lunchtime

knowing how it tends to go with male authors and their wives it was probably marge who wrote the odyssey

Dammit i thought it was saturday forever

Regular Couple

this ended homophobia

happy pride month

My dad works at Home Depot and this one customer came in trying to return a lawnmower that wouldn’t start. Another employee asked the customer if he had put any gas in it and the customer was outraged, yelling that they should have told him it needed gas (it was in the manual) and the employee told him “Well it doesn’t run on hopes and dreams, sir.” That pissed the guy off more so he called the manager all “Can you believe this guy!? He told me it doesn’t run on hopes and dreams!” and the manager just said “Well, it doesn’t.”

I asked my five year old cousin what he would do if there was a scary skeleton and he said "I would pour water on it and then kick it" and I've been losing my shit laughing crying about a wet skeleton for about fifteen minutes straight

unfortunately i can never hate on a "power of friendship" narrative no matter how corny because the thing is it's literally real

*makes you green for 1 frame without telling you*