sad spaghetti

*introducing myself to the guards who caught me* seized to meet you

hey its me your doctor. idgaf

(to the tune of mary had a little lamb): mary had a little lamb

fellatio sounds like a supporting shakespeare character rather than oral sex on a penis to be honest

one of the funnier incidents of me assuming someone knew a meme irl was when a new coworker was talking about some woman who got arrested for tax fraud and I went "God forbid women do anything" and he got scared and thought I was accusing him of being sexist, so he started apologizing and saying how tax fraud isn't even bad, actually.

starting a foundation that gives disadvantaged children one wild ass night at the club

Why the fuck are you suggesting putting CHILDREN in a club?

So they can sip grey goose, maybe have a cig, and feel the rhythm? Are you the fun police?

This is a really fantastic return to form for this genre of post. In recent years there's been less and less effort put into this vital aspect of internet culture, it's nice to see a return to the truly artisanal work of the late 00s.

Now THIS is what the internet exists for. I was LOCKED IN the whole time.