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It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

So many idiots have masters degrees maybe I could be the next

It's kinda funny when you get a bunch of likes but no reblogs like I enjoyed your post but I'd prefer if no one else saw it

I was out of tumblr for a couple of weeks and this is the first thing I see when I came back

why do we bother with I hate my partner jokes when your boss is right there

I love my wife. my boss though? that ball and chain??

Bestie, your brain, your VISION, ahead of your time

best thing i ever accepted about people is that most people are just kind of gross like, physically

like most people have gross little bad habits and let the laundry go a little too long and sweat in weird places and are messy eaters and have weird laughs and are a little greasy and asymettrical and have stains and tears and wear on the things they own and its like literally fine and human. we dont need to worry about that stuff and frankly we should kill whoever is responsible for making us think humans are even capable of being perfectly polished made up hygeine machines 24/7. we are little animals we came from the dirt and sometimes you scratch your buttcrack or pick at scabs or what the fuck ever it is literally normal animal behaviour !!! let the soft animal of your body ect ect nd sometimes the soft animal of your body is a little yucky.

words of affirmation. there's nothing wrong with me i choose to be like this every day for the bit

Mr president we have reason to suspect their is a masquito in the oval office

UPDATE: DO NOT GOOGLE "RONALD MCDONALD BREEDING"

how dare u ???? EVERYONE should be educated on ronald mcdonald breeding practices.

Actually, a lot of the research done on ronald mcdonald breeding was funded by rival diner chains as a slander campaign and is riddled with misinformation and pseudo science so the one that should educate themselves is YOU

so you hate women ???!!?!

he looks so fertile and weak

who said that

get back here and face what youve done

This whole post felt like getting slapped by a very wet piece of ham, one after another.

i know who I'd slap with a wet piece of ham

We should piss on the poor

How dare you say that reading comprehension on this site is piss poor

i think if it feels like im grating myself like a cheese i should probably stop doing it but im not done >:(

*planet explodes* *removes one earbud* what

when you download a pdf and it's called like 1328723486basdf12.pdf but then you gently rename it to what it's supposed to be. that's forming a bond with a hurt and wild mythological creature and reminding it who it is.

the crushing guilt of being unproductive vs the exhaustion of being burned out. fight.

heartbreaking: local thing has to leave the house even though it is so tired and sleepy and full of joint pain