DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT

It started weeks ago with small comparisons.

You began skipping meals after scrolling through photos of idols and actresses, their polished images sticking in your mind.

At first it felt like a simple adjustment, cutting snacks here and there to feel lighter.

The habit grew. You tracked days by what you did not eat, the hunger becoming familiar. You told yourself it was temporary, just until things looked right.

Today you skipped meals again. The empty feeling settled in as you moved through the afternoon. You told yourself that getting comfortable with it was normal, that it was all part of the process.

If it wasn’t difficult—it wouldn’t work.

Later that day, you stood in front of the mirror in your room. You wore loose clothes that hung shapeless and hid every curve and line of your body.

Seungmin noticed your hesitation around him right away. Of course he would—you started pulling your clothes together around yourself whenever he was near, which had never happened before.

You avoided mirrors when he was close, turning your body away or dropping your eyes fast. The discomfort showed in those small things.

He saw how you acted differently in his presence, always adjusting within the oversized layers.

———

The knock came a few minutes after sunset. You barely looked up. "Come in."

The door opened with a quiet creak. Seungmin stepped inside, balancing the paper bag and drink tray. "I bring peace offerings."

You blinked at him. He lifted the bag. "Your favourite."

The smell hit you. Normally you'd jump up, tease him for not calling first, instead you managed a small smile. "You didn't have to."

"I know." He set everything on your center table snd sat on the armchair across from you. "You've been weird."

"I'm always weird."

"Not like this."

You looked away. "I'm fine."

He hummed. "That's funny."

"What is?"

"Every time someone says they're fine, they usually aren't."

You rolled your eyes, the motion tired. He unpacked the containers carefully. "I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I got a bit of everything."

"A bit?" You asked with a raised eyebrow.

"There was a buy one, get one deal."

Shaking your head, you reply, “there definitely wasn't."

"...There wasn't."

A quiet laugh slipped out of you, short and sweet. It still made him smile. "I knew bribery would work."

"It didn't."

"It kind of did."

You shrugged. For a while neither of you spoke much. He opened containers while you stayed curled on the couch in your oversized hoodie, knees to chest. The warm food smells filled the room, almost normal. Almost.

"You gonna help me?" he asked.

"In a minute."

A minute stretched into more. He separated chopsticks and poured drinks. You hadn't moved.

He glanced over. "You okay?"

"Mhm."

"You've been saying that a lot lately."

"I'm okay."

"You know repeating it doesn't make it more convincing."

You smiled faintly. He let it drop for now and picked up a dumpling, then paused. "...Wait. Have you eaten yet?"

Your stomach tightened. "Yeah. I ate earlier."

"Oh." He nodded.

You look over, smiling with every ounce of energy you could muster without him worrying. “Don’t pout, Seung.”

He looked at the spread, then back at you. "So I carried all this up here for nothing?"

A tiny smirk tugged at your lips. "I didn't ask you to."

"No, but you also didn't stop me."

"I didn't know."

"I wanted to be dramatic."

"You usually are." You sigh, rubbing your hands together. “And plus I didn’t know you were bringing food, heck I didn’t even know you were coming. So don’t feel bad Minnie.”

You let out a small huff of laughter that faded fast. He watched your face settle. "...Well," he sighed dramatically, leaning back, "now I do feel bad."

"I'm sorry." The words came quiet, automatic, without any tease or comeback. Just sorry.

He stared for a second. Normally you'd call him dramatic or steal a dumpling. Instead you looked guilty. "It's okay," he said gently. "I was kidding."

"I know." Another smile, gone too quick.

He started eating. "Guess I'll have to eat enough for both of us."

“You go ahead and do that, just don’t go too fast.”

He looked up at you with those eyes, he knows you’re lying but you can only hope your hurt is wrong.

“If you say so.”

He ate, but it felt off without you stealing pieces of his food. Every few bites he glanced over. You stayed curled up, sleeves over your hands, pulling the hoodie smooth over your stomach without thinking. Once, twice, again.

Seungmin noticed. He told himself you were just cold.

When he finished, nearly everything was gone except your untouched portion. "I'll put this in the fridge."

"You can take it."

"You sure?"

You nodded. "I'm not going to eat it."

The easy way you said it sat strangely with him. He packed up quietly. "You'll text me later?"

"I will."

"And if you're lying..."

"I'm not."

He smiled. "I'll pretend I believe you." He brushed hair from your face, then kissed your forehead softly. "Get some rest."

"I will."

He headed to the door, glanced back once more at you curled there, arms around yourself. The door clicked shut.

Your eyes drifted to the mirror, then away. Your stomach growled. You pulled your knees closer. It'll be worth it. You just had to keep going.

———

He realized halfway down the hall that he’d left his phone on your couch.

With a small sigh, he turned back and let himself into the apartment again, moving quietly so he wouldn’t startle you. The living room was dim and empty.

He placed the takeout bag he was holding on the table before realizing you weren’t on the couch.

Instead, he found you in the hallway standing in front of the full-length mirror.

Your hands gripped the hem of your oversized hoodie, pulling the fabric tight across your belly, then shifting to pinch at your upper arms.

You turned slightly, eyes locked on your reflection with a focused, critical stare that turned gears in his head. This really is bigger than he thought.

He stepped up behind you without saying anything at first. His hands settled gently on your shoulders. You startled at the contact but didn’t pull away.

“I’m almost there,” you whispered, barely loud enough to hear.

“Almost where?” His voice was soft, careful. He waited, thumbs brushing small circles on your shoulders when you stayed silent. “Hey… talk to me. What do you mean by that?”

You swallowed hard, fingers still gripping the hoodie.

“I’ve been seeing them everywhere. Actresses. Idols. They look so beautiful and skinny on every screen, every post. It made me feel wrong. Like I’m not enough. But if I keep going, I’ll finally be your type.”

He let out a slow breath, the words landing heavy.

His hands stayed on your shoulders a moment longer, then slid up into your hair, gently playing through the strands.

He turned you around to face him fully. “You never needed to lose any weight to be beautiful. You’ve always been exactly my type.”

You shook your head, eyes dropping. “You’re my boyfriend. You have to say those things to me.”

“Even if I wasn’t,” he said slowly, voice steady, “even if we were total strangers passing on the street, I’d still want you healthy. Not doing this to yourself. Skipping meals, lying about eating, hiding away like this… how long has it been going on?” He paused, giving you space but not letting the silence fill completely. “Tell me. Please.”

You shifted uncomfortably under his eyes, the hallway suddenly feeling too small.

Tears started slipping down your cheeks. “A while. It got worse lately. I just… I thought if I got smaller, it would fix everything.”

He pulled you into his arms then, holding you tight against his chest as your sobs broke free. “I’m sorry,” you kept repeating between shaky breaths.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” he murmured into your hair, one hand rubbing slow circles on your back. He didn’t rush to move or speak more.

The minutes stretched out in the hallway, uncomfortable and heavy with everything unsaid.

Your tears soaked into his shirt. His arms stayed firm around you, grounding you. He kissed the top of your head every so often, just letting you cry it out.

It felt like a long time before he finally guided you back to the living room.

He sat you down on the couch and unpacked the leftover takeout again, arranging the containers carefully in front of you with a spoon and chopsticks. “Eat,” he said quietly, sitting beside you, close enough that his leg pressed against yours.

“As much as you can. I’m staying here until you’re actually full. No rushing. No pretending it’s okay when it’s not.”

You picked up the spoon with hesitant fingers. The first few bites came slow, the room quiet except for the small sounds of plastic and your breathing.

He watched without pressure, but his presence was noticeable.

When you paused after a couple bites, staring at the food, he reached over and brushed hair behind your ear. “It’s okay. Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

More minutes passed. You ate in small portions, your body remembering how to enjoy food again.

He stayed patient through every bite, occasionally murmuring soft encouragement. “One more if you can. You’re doing good.”

Eventually you finished the last bites and pushed the empty container aside.

“Don’t ever do that again.” His hand rested against yours, his free hand coming up to cup your face gently. “I mean it. We’ll figure this out together.”

You nodded, leaning into his touch. “Ok.”

•••

Taglist: @hanjifangirlie @stronglychanbiased @0omillo0 @i2mingi @vernorica123 @hanwood @lilbugthings @sugarcoathan @my-neurodivergent-world @velvetmoonlght @the-immortal-dreamer @yourallaround-simp @rianzysworld @isadd666 @jeonginholic @tsunderelino @shinygubbins @ysljoon @nzzzzzzzzzzzz @imnotsupposedtobedoingthis @skzcodered @mythic-mochi

code/tutorial links for ones i personally have used as base code, most of which have very clear explanations of how to use them that make the rest of this post truly unnecessary:

texting (incl blue messages, green messages, group chat)

google search

gmail (sent email)

instagram

phone lockscreen notifications

generic email/draft email (with scrollbar!)

there are collections on ao3 full of these codes, incl discord, twitter, other social media sites!

that is more than enough to get started, but i love to over-explain things, so just to be super clear, there are 3 steps in how i do this:

Writing, planning images, uploading images if needed (aka the parts with no coding)

Adding the CSS to the work skin

Adding the HTML to the actual text/story/chapter - usually the most annoying part :-)

in more (unnecessary) detail:

writing/planning images/uploading images i always write out what i want to have without code because i like making sure the actual content/story is front and center! i also want to make sure that i know when the exchange happens for any timestamps. for the above examples, it looks like this in my gdoc:

i also make sure that i have any images that i'm going to include at this point, because it can be super annoying to be almost done coding and realize you want/need to go back to figure a pfp or something out. ao3 does not host images, so you need to either have a link you trust won't die or upload images yourself somewhere else that you can link. i've been uploading to my drafts on tumblr, but that does decrease the quality a little. (personally i'm fine with that but just want to give that disclaimer) i would recommend downloading any photos you know you want to include as soon as you find them so you don't lose track and spend a bunch of time trying to track something down (definitely speaking from personal experience rip)

the only image note i'd add is that i always recommend previewing how the fic looks before posting (duh) and checking specifically if the dimensions look weird. on the gmail code for example it'll make pfps 40px x 40px even if it wasn't originally a square, which can make it look weird and stretched out, so i cropped all the pictures i used as gmail pfps to be square (not 40px x 40px, just square in general).

work skin css all of the above guides will explain this, but you'll add some base code to a work skin that you apply to your fic. i use the same skin for all my fic as i go, but if you adopt that approach, make sure you don't ever accidentally have attributes with the same names! just to show what this looks like/where to find it on ao3:

combining html/story all of the above guides will include the html you use in your actual story, and i HIGHLY encourage you to integrate it in your non-ao3 editor and transfer it over from there instead of workshopping it just in ao3 and risking losing it if something goes awry!! (again speaking from experience rip) pay close attention to which parts you're supposed to change from the source code and which you won't change (eg gmail icons). examples cont:

this step is usually the most annoying and finicky and requires the most patience to troubleshoot things. css/html can be very particular and there are some things that would require additions to the base css that you might expect to just work (eg links - adding links to things makes them sooo angry). i usually transfer the html parts into the chapter and troubleshoot before adding the main text because it can be annoying to scroll through all the text for editing it. there will be something that is slightly off from how you wanted it to look, and you will have to call it a day at some point! i often end up posting something when i feel like it's good enough and then going back and fixing it later. consider this permission to do the same :)

that is how i like to do this but i'm sure other people have other ways they prefer! i can imagine doing the coding as you write might be nice for some people but i like to go back and do that when i'm feeling a little stuck or want to work on fic but need a brain break.

i hope this helps people who are interested but not sure where to start!! i am happy to help if you're running into issues but i should note that css is a complete mystery to me and i self-taught myself html to make pages for my neopets so my skillset is...limited...