DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT

You were not entirely sure why the two of you never really crossed the line into actual friendship considering you shared practically the same social ecosystem. 

Maybe it was because you only have separate text threads with everyone else. Minho sent you blurry photos of "ugly" dogs he sees on walks (you were in a long ongoing battle to prove to him that dogs weren't inherently ugly). Chan forwarded you songs at two in the morning with captions that sounded existential for someone who claimed he was "of sound mind and body" when you checked in. Changbin only communicated in gym selfies and spontaneous invitations to dinner. Hyunjin treated your private messages like a curated museum of things that reminded him of you, and also things that didn't, and vice versa. Jisung had taken to using your thread as a personal reminder app (which you found slightly inconvenient when it went off at all hours of the day and especially at night). Jeongin popped in every now and again to vent about his members, trusting you wouldn't snitch. And Felix and you currently had a steady stream of TikTok links between you.

Seungmin, meanwhile, existed exclusively in the group chat.

Well.

Mostly.

After checking, you did technically have a private message thread with him. Except every single message had been sent by Felix borrowing Seungmin's phone after his own died or was out of reach.

So, yeah, maybe the problem was that you guys were terrible texters.

Or maybe it was because the two of you had never once suggested spending time together one-on-one. All the others had breached that pretty early into getting to know each other.

Maybe Seungmin was simply harder to get close to in groups. Everyone else in the group demanded attention naturally, however unintentional. Seungmin slipped around the edges of conversations and spaces, quiet until he had something worth saying, and then he was suddenly the funniest person in the room for exactly three seconds before retreating again.

It was unfortunate, really. He seemed like a super cool guy. 

He drove people places when nobody else wanted to. 

He was always first to start tidying up after a get-together.

He sighed when he was tired in the same pathetically cute way old dogs did before laying down.

He got oddly competitive during board games, though rarely, if ever, against you... which you actually took as a bad sign. Not because you desperately wanted Kim Seungmin to crush you at Uno or anything. But he treated everybody else with a certain level of casual familiarity and mockery that you never quite seemed to unlock.

Instead, you received politeness and kindness and patience.

And all that meant in your head was that he still thought of you as "someone else's person" rather than one of his own. You were not to be made fun of in his eyes. 

The point was simply that your dynamic had fossilized over time into something weirdly formal despite the fact that you had collectively spent hundreds of hours in the same rooms. Like, seriously, he didn't even use informal speech with you!

Sometimes you thought he seemed comfortable around you. Enough to occasionally sit next to you even when another spot across the room was free, at least. Enough to offer you a ride or two home after outings (even if you never really ended up needing them because the trains were so convenient and it was always somehow out of his way).

Then the next time you saw him, all you would get was a nodded greeting and silence on the western front. Back to square one... if there was even a single square to start with in the first place. A circle was probably more representative of what you had going on, always ending up back where you started, only to loop again.

The most annoying part about all this was that you genuinely could not tell whether the distance between you existed because Seungmin preferred it that way or because neither of you knew how to move past it anymore without it seeming strange. Because you certainly didn't prefer it this way. Who would?

You weren't friends, you and Seungmin. You were certain of this fact.

Which was why you nearly inhaled foam the next afternoon when you mentioned this all offhandedly and Hyunjin casually said, "Oh, it's because he likes you."

You coughed violently into your iced latte... and a little onto the table.

Across the tiny café table, Hyunjin didn't even flinch. He simply watched you, perhaps looking a little grossed out by the little dribble that fell down your chin. He subtly nudged the napkin container closer to you with a knuckle.

You stared at him right back, cleaning up your face.

"I'm sorry," you said slowly, because clearly he had suffered some kind of neurological event on the walk over here and goodness knew he couldn't risk losing more brain cells. "Because who likes me."

"Well, Seungmin." The only thing missing was a little duh at the end, but his tone and eyebrow raise got that across just fine.

You blinked at him, then snorted once, because genuinely what else were you supposed to do with that information? He was pulling your leg for sure.

"No, he definitely doesn't."

"Uh, he definitely does." He frowned indignantly. And that's how you knew he was just arguing to argue now. He was the sort to die on a hill, even when he knew the hill was a lie.

"You are making shit up," you informed him, pointing accusingly with your dirty napkin. "You tend to do that, you know. Sure, it's fun to pretend sometimes, but this is your friend you're talking about."

Emphasis on the your.

"I'm not making anything up!" He had the gall to look offended. "Seungmin has had a thing for you forever."

"That is an insane thing to say." Could you imagine? Seungmin, the one who hardly ever smiled at you—much less looked at you—into you? Please.

"It really isn't."

"Yes, it is," you said, leaning forward across the little table to really instill this point in him. It rocked, rattling the dishes you shared. "Did he explicitly tell you that he does?"

"... No... but trust me, I know Seungmin," Hyunjin said, eyes flicking away. "And I know yearning when I see it."

Classic Hyunjin, the utter romantic, of the delusional and hopeless variety. You pitied him, honestly, it must be hard to live like that as a single man.

"Then why hasn't he done anything about it?" you said finally, humoring him out of that pity. 

"Who's said he hasn't?" he rebutted.

"Uh, me?" You looked around, as if it could be anyone else. "He hasn't expressed any interest like that at all to me."

"Because he's scared." He shrugged lightly.

You barked out yet another laugh. "Kim Seungmin is not scared of me."

"Not of you, of feelings," he stressed.

"If he liked me, surely at some point in the last several years something would have happened." Surely, if it was anything serious (or even true), there would be signs.

"You are severely underestimating that man's ability to avoid a situation." Hyunjin snorted.

You shook your head, still laughing a little because the whole conversation felt absurd enough to circle back around into entertaining. Honestly, Seungmin liking you was such a bizarre concept. Sure, you'd never heard tell of him liking or dating someone else as you had with some of the other guys over the time you've known them. But you chalked that up, again, to you not being close enough to be let in on that sort of information.

Hyunjin was crazy. And that was nothing new to you, so you let it go. Let him be delirious if it helped him keep his whimsy in the world. The conversation never came up again with him, anyway.

It did, however, come up with someone else coincidentally...

"Hey, do you know if Minnie-ah is going home to visit family next weekend?" Changbin asked over dinner a couple weeks later.

"Uh, I don't know," you said slowly. You did do him the courtesy of going through your memory to see if that had ever come up, but it should surprise no one that it didn't. "Why would I know that?"

"Oh, I just figured he might have mentioned something to you," he guessed.

"To me?" you echoed.

Changbin blinked at you from across the grill.

"Yeah?" he said uncertainly.

You stared right back at him. "Kim Seungmin to me?"

His confusion deepened. "...Yeah."

"Seungmin-ssi and I... don't really talk," you drew out. You thought everyone was aware of this. Was everyone not aware of this?

"What do you mean." He frowned.

"I mean," you said, "we talk in group settings. Same as everybody else. But we do not... privately communicate. Especially not about plans that don't involve each other."

Even just saying it felt wrong (but that was probably due to the extremely odd wording you used).

"You don't?"

"No?"

He leaned back in his chair, deep in thought. "Interesting."

It was clearly said in a way that suggested he found it less-so interesting and more-so weird (and did you detect an ounce of concern?).

You blinked away your own confusion, wondering if Hyunjin had maybe said something to him to make him think things were different than they really were. You wouldn't put it past the guy to start waxing his fabrications to his roommate.

"Why?" you asked.

"Oh, I heard he was debating on going back sometime soon," he answered, getting back to his food. "Just curious."

"No, why is it interesting that we don't talk?"

He paused, chopsticks halfway to his mouth, said, "I think maybe I've said too much," and then stuffed his cheeks full.

On the contrary, you thought, he hasn't said nearly enough. 

"Oh come on," you groaned. "Did someone say something to you? Did Hyunjin-ah blab about our conversation the other day?"

"Hyunjinnie? What did you guys talk about?"

"Don't avoid my question," you said.

He looked sufficiently caught. His mouth opened and closed, gaping like a fish. "Nobody didn't tell me anything."

"Don't confuse me with double negatives and incorrect grammar," you hissed.

"Look, okay, I can't," he muttered finally. "When someone tells me something in confidence, I like to maintain that. My lips are sealed on this one. Sorry."

And he stuck to it, unfortunately. He masterfully changed topics every time you tried to steer it back to Seungmin—something you really weren't versed in. You cursed how loyal he was.

Having those two conversations under your belt by this point, you were getting oddly nervous. What were these guys seeing that you weren't? Had you been misreading things? Could it really be misreading when there was hardly anything to read?

It was inevitable that you got into your own head about it.

You became extremely hyperaware of how you acted around the group, and especially hyperaware of how Seungmin acted around you.

One Friday night found the whole group crowded into Minho and Jisung's apartment for a homemade meal and a movie nobody was actually paying attention to. Jisung and Changbin were arguing over the correct ranking of characters of a totally different franchise to the one playing. Hyunjin was stretched across the floor, watching them and contributing nothing. Chan kept disappearing into the kitchen to join Minho every ten minutes because sitting still was physically impossible for him and he wanted to help out in some way but Minho kept turning him away.

And you? You were just acting weird, and you knew it.

Every time Seungmin so much as moved in your peripheral vision, you tensed. It was starting to make you cramp up, and that was just making you more irritated. 

Worse still, he was behaving exactly the same as always.

Where was this supposed longing? This pining? This allegedly years-long crush Hyunjin—and possibly others—seemed convinced existed?

Seungmin had greeted you with his usual polite smile when you arrived. He'd asked if you wanted anything to drink while he was up, and that was the sum of all you'd conversated. He'd spent most of the evening bickering with Jeongin over something you couldn't hear from across the room.

That was it. And that was normal.

At one point, he laughed hard enough at something Changbin said that he leaned sideways into the couch cushions, eyes squeezed shut for a long second.

You stared, having not been listening. It was an objectively nice laugh, you'd always thought so, and what was that? Was that... jealousy? Jealous that you had never made him laugh in this way? That you likely would never be able to due to your emotional, and most times physical, distance?

Since when had you cared about that? You made all the others laugh just fine, wasn't that enough for you?

No.

You needed that laugh.

You hated Hyunjin with your whole being. You hated Changbin too, no matter how undeserving he was of it. They had infected your brain with utter nonsense and now you were seeing Kim Seungmin differently.

As if sensing your thoughts, Hyunjin glanced over from his spot on the floor. Then his eyes flicked between you and Seungmin once, and the bastard smiled.

You narrowed your eyes at him, trying to channel your every hate-filled thought into his brain; however, his single brain cell was incapable of such telepathy beyond what he'd just accomplished, and he merely turned away.

You'd kill him one day.

"You okay?" Felix asked beside you quietly.

You nearly jumped out of your skin.

"Jesus Christ," you hissed. "Where did you come from?"

He blinked at you owlishly. "I've been sitting here."

Right. He totally had been, for at least twenty minutes or so. He'd even massaged your hand at one point because you'd been clenching it into a fist from fried nerves.

You were genuinely losing your mind.

"Sorry," you muttered, rubbing at your forehead.

Felix studied you for a second, then looked toward Seungmin (you hadn't even been looking over there!) briefly before realization visibly dawned across his face.

"Oh," he said.

"Oh my god," you muttered, pushing yourself off the couch. You were not about to entertain yet another demented individual. "I actually cannot deal with you people tonight."

Felix sat up immediately. "Wait, wait—"

You waved him off and headed toward the kitchen area before anyone else could stop you, muttering a quick excuse about needing water despite the fact that you still had the drink that Seungmin had grabbed for you in your hand.

Behind you came the sound of Felix scrambling upright.

"Wait!" he whisper-shouted again, certainly garnering the attention of everyone in that room for a moment.

Of course he followed you. You just made him think you were annoyed with him, and he was the sort to resolve that immediately or perish trying, kind soul that he was.

"Hey," he whisper-called as he trailed after you into the kitchen. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," you whispered back aggressively, which probably undermined your point somewhat.

He looked unconvinced. "Did I do something?"

"No." The thought of Felix ever doing something to truly piss you off was inconceivable.

"Did Seungmin-ah do something?"

You stopped so abruptly near the counter that he nearly walked into your back.

"There it is again," you hissed, spinning around to face him. "Why does everybody keep bringing up Seungmin-ssi?"

For a moment, he looked a little lost as to why you'd even ask that. It almost seemed like he wanted to say, Why wouldn't I?

"...Didn't he...you know...?" he asked instead.

"'Didn't he'... what?"

He visibly scrambled for an escape route to the conversation, clearly sensing something off with his calculations. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't nearly so word savvy as Changbin when it came to stuff like that.

"Based on that response, I'm going to go with no," he said carefully. To himself, he muttered, "He's such a lying loser."

"Lying?" you repeated sternly. "Felix."

He dragged both hands down his face, muttering something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, "Lord, forgive me."

"What," you demanded quietly, "did Seungmin-ssi say?" Or not say, rather.

Felix looked genuinely torn, but he did give in rather easily. You almost felt a little bad, practically scaring him into giving you answers.

"You cannot react," he whispered first, looking back at the way you'd come from the living area. "And you cannot tell anyone that I told you this."

You'd think he or Seungmin had killed somebody, he was so dead serious.

"I'll react however I want depending on the information."

"That's exactly what I'm worried about. Please."

"Spill." You crossed your arms.

He exhaled heavily through his nose, before finally getting to it. "A while ago," he started carefully, "Seungmo told me he was gonna tell you he liked you."

You just stared at him. If there was a thought or feeling in the whole of your body, it was unknown to you. Was this what going into shock felt like?

He was yanking your chain, surely? Just like the others had? ...But Felix wasn't like that. Sure, he joked and teased and told little white lies for the bit, but he wasn't so cruel as to spread a fake rumor like this. Could it be that these things weren't totally unfounded?

Your face felt hot. In fact, your whole body was sort of on fire.

You desperately gulped down the last of the drink in your cup, and yet your mouth dried right back up.

"And then after that," he kept going quickly, like a cascading waterfall with no end, "every time someone mentioned you, he acted all weird and sort of mopey, and then today you were acting so strange and quiet and you—you even snapped at me!—so I kinda assumed..." He trailed off weakly.

"...Assumed...?"

"That he had told you and it didn't go so well."

You blinked once, perhaps twice. Again, the sensations in your body were a little fuzzy to you, a little delayed. "He did not tell me he liked me."

"Yeah." He winced. "I gathered that."

"Oh my god." You turned away briefly, pressing both hands against your forehead. This was insane. Not only had Seungmin apparently liked you for who even knew how long, but he had also liked you enough to announce his intentions to confess those feelings to his friends.

Behind you, Felix made another nervous noise. "You won't tell him that I told you, right?"

"And everyone knows this?" you asked instead of answering.

He paused to think. "I think only a couple of us know for sure. The rest just suspect it. Kinda obvious."

Obvious? Obvious?! Was that supposed to be a dig at you?

Changbin, he had to be one of the few who knew for certain, what with the way he talked about confidentiality and trust. And Hyunjin only assumed, and assumed correctly, if Felix was to be believed. But what reason would he have to lie?

"You guys just act so awkward around each other," Felix continued, literally unprompted (rude), and sounding a little pained himself. "I was hoping he'd actually do something to maybe break through it and save us from all this unresolved tension."

"There is no tension!" You whipped back around.

From behind you came a snort, and both of you startled violently. Minho stood there holding a dish towel, having very clearly tuned in sometime during the meltdown.

"There's definitely tension," he informed you.

You pointed at him. "Why are you here."

"I live here. And you came into my kitchen." His eyes drifted toward Felix over your shoulder. "He finally told her?"

Minho knew?!

Felix looked at him blankly for a second before sighing. "...No."

There was a beat of silence before Minho barked out a laugh so sudden he had to grab the counter. "Oh, Kim Seungmin is pathetic," he wheezed.

You were beginning to think so, too.

And you, you were equally as pathetic!

Quite the duo you two made, huh?

A longer silence settled over the kitchen for a second after Minho's outburst, broken only by the muffled sound of Jisung yelling from the living room about someone having "zero media literacy."

You stared blankly at the countertop. Then, another thought occurred to you. "How long ago did he say he was going to tell me?"

Felix's winced so hard that his whole body twitched, probably regretting the fact that he told you.

"Like a month ago?" he guessed, and then added, "But he's been hint-dropping for awhile."

"How awhile."

"...Last fall?"

"Last fall," you echoed faintly. The peak of summer had just passed. "That was almost a year ago."

Some of these guys had been sitting on this for a year?! Since when had they gotten so good at keeping secrets? You couldn't even get Jisung to keep track of his own wallet for twenty-four hours, Chan accidentally spoiled surprises because he got excited, and Hyunjin treated secrets like they physically burned holes in his pockets (which was probably why he hadn't been told explicitly). 

That wasn't even the part bothering you most, though.

Honestly, once the initial shock wore off, it made perfect sense why nobody had told you. It wasn't really their secret to tell. If Seungmin had confided in them, then of course they'd keep it to themselves. They owed it to the guy for being their own personal rock and secret vault whenever they needed.

No, what bothered you was that they'd apparently spent months living with an entirely different understanding of reality than you. You'd been the only person missing a piece of the puzzle. And that was more than a little embarrassing, to be honest.

And now your recent interactions with Seungmin were replaying in your head with horrifying new context.

The time he'd lingered after everyone else left a café, awkwardly tapping his fingers against his cup while you gathered your things before plucking up some sort of nerve to offer to walk you to the station. You'd declined because you figured he was asking out of some sort of gentlemanly responsibility and not because he wanted to.

There had been one evening where everyone else got caught up talking in the parking lot after dinner while you waited slightly off to the side scrolling through your phone. Seungmin had wandered over after a minute. Not to start a conversation, because you guys didn't really have those. Instead he'd just stood there next to you in silence. You remembered glancing up eventually and trying to engage him by showing him something dumb on your screen. He'd looked at it, laughed quietly, and stayed beside you until everyone else was ready to leave.

There had also been that time you'd invited your (at the time) talking-stage-situationship-complicated-mess to a hangout to introduce him to the group, just to see how he meshed... Well, he hadn't meshed very well at all, with Seungmin least of all for some reason. Back then, you'd been surprised by the instant curtness each side showed each other and when you asked the talking-stage-situationship-complicated-mess about it later on, he'd merely said, 'He's the one you guys refer to as a dog, right? It makes sense.'

(Thank goodness you left him.)

The version of Seungmin that existed in your head was someone polite and thoughtful and generally kind to you (which, again, was not how he acted around his close friends). None of those moments had ever felt remarkable enough to question, other than that last one, you supposed.

And it was... a little sad, actually. Because if Felix was right, then every one of those moments had probably felt much bigger from Seungmin's side than they ever had from yours.

What you couldn't understand was how a person could apparently like someone for that long while simultaneously giving every impression that they were trying very hard not to be liked in return!

If Seungmin liked you, shouldn't he have wanted to get closer? Closer, at least, than this?

Finally Felix spoke, and it was like he had read your mind.

"Seungmo cares a lot about how you see him."

You looked up from where you'd been staring at the marble counter. "What does that mean?"

Felix looked toward Minho, as if silently asking for help.

Minho sighed. "You're surrounded by men who tease you."

"...Thank you for that horrifying sentence."

"Seriously, though," Felix laughed, agreeing. "Think about it: Binnie-hyung teases you, Hannie teases you, Hyunjin teases you, I.N teases you. Half the conversations you have with Minho are arguments."

You and the man in question glanced at each other and shrugged. It was true.

"The point is, Seungmin sees all that."

"Okay?" You frowned.

"Okay," Minho repeated dully. "And none of those guys are your boyfriend."

Eugh, just the thought sent shivers down your spine. Sure, some of them would probably be pleasant partners, but something about that...

"I think Seungmo just..." Felix rubbed the back of his neck, "never wanted to be grouped in with everyone else."

That made you pause. Grouped in?

"As another friend," he clarified at your silence. "From his perspective, you already had that. You already had people making you laugh. People teasing you. People texting you all day. If he wanted to be important to you, then he couldn't just be another version of what you already had."

Your attention drifted inward then for some much-needed self-reflection.

The teasing had always come easily with the rest of the group because it had never meant anything. Or rather, it meant friendship (that wasn't nothing obviously). And it came with the certainty that nobody was trying to impress anybody.

Half the time your conversations with those idiots sounded like active hostility to an outside observer. If a stranger overheard some of your exchanges with Minho, they'd probably assume you despised one another. And that couldn't be further from the truth; you were quite fond of each other. But, again, you did not consider any of those guys dating-pool material.

The uncomfortable truth was that you'd never actually spent much time thinking about what you wanted from a relationship. Not in a serious capacity, at least. It had always existed as a vague future concept. Something that would happen eventually if the right person came along—like the movies.

And even when you did think about it, you never imagined yourself with someone... completely different from your friends.

You liked teasing. You liked banter. You liked laughing until your stomach hurt over absolutely nothing. You liked people who could be honest with you and call you out when necessary.

You wanted to genuinely enjoy being around the person. You wanted to choose their company even when there was no romantic context attached to it.

It wasn't that Seungmin lacked qualities you found attractive. Quite the opposite, actually. He was thoughtful, reliable, funny when he chose to be and even when he didn't. If someone had handed you a list of traits you valued, he would've checked a surprising number of boxes. He was a shiny-dime of a catch. 

Too bad he'd self-sabotaged himself and made himself out to be someone who wasn't those things to you.

And you weren't clear of blame, either. Never noticing his many (pitiful) attempts, how unobservant could you possibly be?

Well... this was ridiculous.

You were both adults!

There was no reason to continue running on assumptions when the person in question was literally sitting twenty feet away in the next room.

Before either Felix or Minho could register the resolve in your expression, you pushed away from the counter.

"I think I need to talk to him."

The words had barely left your mouth before Felix's eyes widened in alarm.

"No."

You took another step.

"No, no, no."

One second you were heading toward the doorway. The next, Felix had wrapped his arms around you and caught you around the middle in an effort to physically redirect you.

The problem was that he committed far too much momentum to the maneuver. With a startled yelp, he practically spun both of you in a half-circle and nearly toppled you both over.

"Felix!"

"Careful!"

The reprimands came from you and Minho at the same time.

Felix froze, and so too, did you in his arms.

Minho lowered the dish towel he was still holding and stared at him.

"You idiot," he said flatly. "You are the one person in this apartment who should not be tackling people."

"Seriously?" you added. "What happened to all those warnings your physical therapist gave you?"

Felix looked momentarily chastened. Then his panic reasserted itself. "My back won't matter if Seungmin kills me."

No one, not even Seungmin at his most angry, would ever hurt a hair on Felix's head, but you understood why he was so adamant about this.

Honestly, he'd done you a solid, being so forthcoming tonight when the others hadn't been. You owed it to him not to fracture the trust he had with his roommate.

"So... what?" you asked. "What am I supposed to do then?"

"Drop hints that you like him back?" Minho suggested blandly.

"Whoa, what makes you so sure I like him?" you balked.

"Do you not?" Felix asked, and you realized he hadn't really let you go, perhaps still fearing you'd dash away to confess what he'd done.

To answer his question, though... you didn't know.

It wasn't that the idea repulsed you—far from it. The revelation had been shocking, yes, but nowhere in the last hour, and even over the past couple weeks, had you experienced the overwhelming certainty that it could never work. There had been confusion and embarrassment and a healthy amount of existential suffering, but not rejection.

But you'd never let yourself ask whether you could like Seungmin because you'd assumed the answer didn't matter because it was unfathomable that he could ever like you back. The question had never seemed relevant.

Now, all of a sudden, it was the only question anyone cared about. You included, if you were being honest. Now, if only you could answer it...

"I don't know," you admitted finally.

Felix and Minho didn't say anything, and you exhaled slowly.

"I think..." You paused. "I think I could."

Felix's arms slightly squeezed around you and he released the tiniest of happy sounds, seeming delighted over just a mere possibility of an inkling of an iota of a feeling. You couldn't help but shake your head and roll your eyes fondly.

And at that horrible, terribly timed moment, the universe sent a big fuck you (perhaps as karma for Felix betraying a friend and you for being naive) and Seungmin, the man of the hour himself, walked through the doorway.

His gaze landed on the three of you reflexively. On Minho standing by the counter. On Felix. Then finally on you. Or rather, on Felix and you in what was a pretty embrace-y position.

You jerked away, and Felix let go so fast he nearly stumbled backward into the island. Belatedly, you realized that probably looked worse than if you'd simply stayed where you were. Everyone got hugs from Felix from time to time, why'd you have to go and make yourselves look guilty about it?

For the briefest moment, Seungmin's eyes just flickered between the two of you.

And because of everything you'd learned tonight, because every interaction you'd ever had with him was currently being dragged back through the mud of your memory and reexamined under a microscope, you caught something you probably would've missed before (or something you would have dismissed as his discontent for others' PDA).

A tiny tightening around his eyes. A brief downturn at the corner of his mouth. 

It was gone as quickly as it had appeared, smoothed over as he dropped his gaze down and away to look at Minho pointedly.

He took a deep (and dare you say, long-suffering?) breath before asking, "Wasn't food supposed to be ready like fifteen minutes ago?"

Minho's eyes widened, and he turned around to head back to the other side of the kitchen, fiddling with pans he'd left unattended.

This left Seungmin alone with you and Felix, and just as you were about to say something—anything—to smooth over a misunderstanding and break some sort of ice, he turned his back to you and walked to the table to find a seat. A very clear dismissal.

You and Felix shared a look, and he mouthed an emphatic apology to you. You just waved him off.

Everyone was eventually called into the dining area to eat. And despite Jisung's whiney complaints of, "It's so burnt, hyung!", it wasn't actually that bad. Maybe slightly crunchy when it shouldn't be, and smoky when it should be spicy, but still edible.

No one dared suggest they order takeout or redo it, though, lest they risk Minho getting even more upset. And at present, there was already too much of a sour atmosphere to add to that.

Seungmin was in a bad mood. And because of that, Felix was in a bad mood knowing he was at fault. And Felix's emotions were notoriously known for being contagious, so everyone—unknowingly or not—was affected.

And unfortunately, Felix's guilt manifested in the most Felix way possible. He kept trying to do little things for Seungmin—asking if he wanted more of a side, offering to refill his cup, starting conversations that specifically mention his special interests—only for the guy to reject the efforts with increasing levels of annoyance. It wasn't enough to start an argument, but it was enough that anyone paying attention would notice.

And people were always paying attention.

Changbin, particularly, was one of the most observant people you knew when it came to interpersonal dynamics, even more so where these two were involved. He often pretended otherwise, but he cared quite deeply for his younger members. You watched the realization slowly dawn on him over the course of the meal.

His eyes lingered on Felix for a moment before they drifted toward Seungmin, then toward you, then back again. A subtle frown formed between his brows. It lasted all of three seconds before some sort of understanding settled in.

What he was understanding exactly when he didn't know the full story, you couldn't be sure.

Unfortunately, Changbin wasn't the only person at the table capable of doing that.

Hyunjin had always been strangely in tune with him. Maybe it was because they spent so much time together. Maybe it was because both of them were annoyingly invested in everyone else's business. Whatever the reason, you watched his attention snag on Changbin's expression and then follow the path of his gaze, toward you and Seungmin and Felix.

A smile threatened the corners of his mouth, and you kicked him under the table. Now wasn't the time for his ego or teasing or told-you-so's.

The kick to his shin accomplished absolutely nothing. If anything, it seemed to amuse him and he nudged you right back.

You watched on in growing aggravation as he leaned over and muttered something into Jeongin's ear. The younger boy frowned as he listened, head cocking in surprise before his eyes glanced at you and then at Seungmin.

You shook your head, not absolutely sure what you wanted to convey with it other than 'Keep your mouth shut.'

He was a far better listener than Hyunjin, thankfully, and he obediently returned to his food.

Across the table, Chan had been mostly focused on his own meal, but even he eventually picked up on the fact that half the table seemed preoccupied with something and his gaze swept over everyone while he took a sip of water.

Changbin.

Hyunjin.

Jeongin.

You.

Then finally Felix, who looked so sullenly at his roommate, begging silently for forgiveness.

Chan's eyes narrowed slightly. You'd known him long enough to recognize that expression. The man practically raised seven children; nothing escaped him for long.

The only person still completely oblivious in the end was Jisung, and you hoped it stayed that way because he was the only one talking to you like normal. Or at least what passed for normal where Han Jisung was concerned (he was regaling you with the plot of a childhood dinosaur movie).

While he spoke, your attention drifted. Partly because you'd heard this plotline before, because he talked about The Land Before Time often, partly because your nerves were making it difficult to focus on anything that wasn't seated three chairs away from you. And partly because Felix had gone very quiet. You glanced toward him.

The blond was hunched slightly over his plate, gaze lowered. At first you assumed he was simply pouting, but then you caught the faint glow of a screen against his shirt coming from beneath the table.

A moment later, your phone buzzed in your lap, and buzzed like five million times subsequently.

Felix eventually looked up so the two of you locked eyes.

He looked batshit terrified.

Slowly, while Jisung launched into a fresh spiel about a song from the franchise about eggs, you slipped your phone from your pocket and angled it beneath the table.

Sure enough.

FeFe im gonna tell him i have to he'll hate me but its better that it comes from me and i really cant stand him thinking we were doing anything romantic earlier not anything against you but im not a homewrecker ur lovely but ya know

You stared at the texts. This was what you had wanted. It was what you had set out to do when Felix had stopped you in the kitchen. Seungmin should know that you know. This meant that things could progress forward, for better or for worse.

That all didn't stop your heart from racing.

Get a grip!

You typed back.

You godspeed soldier

FeFe what do i say even?????

You can start w the truth? you can say i pressured you throw me under a bus

FeFe he'll say im weak for folding😭

You well if the boot fits

FeFe  HAHAHAhaahHahahHah ur so funny😐

You tell him i don't think any differently of him

FeFe ok wait do you mean that in a friend way or???

Before you could decide how to answer (because you weren't sure), a shadow fell across your screen, and you looked up to find Chan standing beside the table with an empty water pitcher in hand.

His eyes flicked from your phone to Felix very obviously on his own phone, then back again.

"...Are you two texting each other from four feet away?" he asked.

You immediately locked your screen, and Felix practically shoved his phone under his butt to hide the evidence.

"No," Felix said.

Chan stared at him. You stared at him, too. Dude couldn't lie for shit.

Felix visibly deflated. "...Yes."

"Thank you," Chan said. "That was a much more believable answer. Y'all are weird." With a small shake of his head, he continued toward the kitchen to refill the pitcher.

Somewhere to your right came a dramatic gasp. "And don't get me started on We're Back."

You blinked. Jisung was still talking about old dinosaur movies. He hadn't noticed a single thing.

Remarkable.

Truly remarkable.

You wanted to preserve him in amber.

Your attention drifted away from him and back toward the other side of the table, toward Seungmin.

His gaze had settled somewhere vaguely in your direction before glancing at Felix, and you read off his lips an, "Unbelievable."

And there it was: that tiny tightening around his jaw, the way his teeth briefly clenched, the almost imperceptible roll of his eyes before he lowered his attention back to his plate.

Your stomach sank, and the small amount of room-temp food you'd managed to swallow threatened to come up. You'd never felt this stressed out before.

You knew Felix was seconds away from throwing himself on a sword for the sake of honesty. But Seungmin didn't know any of that. From where he sat, all he'd seen was you and Felix disappearing into the kitchen together (and he might have even seen Felix giving you a hand massage previously). Then he saw you two hugging each other, and then he saw you guys texting each other through dinner and acting suspicious when caught.

God.

Maybe Felix was right.

Maybe he really was about to die.

Across the table, Felix stared at you for another few seconds. Whatever internal battle he was fighting seemed to reach its conclusion because his shoulders squared slightly.

He took a breath, nodded once at you, then looked directly at Seungmin to say something quietly.

It was clear that Seungmin didn't really want to give him the time of day, but he still tilted his head to acknowledge him. And they communicated in that way that only two roommates who had been living together for years could without words, only needing a few head shakes and eyes twitches.

Then, for one horrible second, Seungmin's eyes drifted toward you. The look wasn't accusatory. If anything, it looked resigned.

He clicked his tongue before standing up and leaving the room without ceremony, Felix joining him, glancing over his shoulder at you with a comically panicked expression.

You gave him the most subtle thumbs up you could, hoping he lived to see tomorrow.

The pair disappeared down the hallway, and the moment they rounded the corner, Hyunjin practically threw himself over the table. He asked you something, probably related to the exact dilemma you were in, but your attention remained fixed on the hallway long after both men disappeared from view.

You couldn't hear anything.

Couldn't see anything.

Couldn't do anything.

And unfortunately your imagination was far more active than reality.

What was Felix saying? How had he started the conversation? Was Seungmin angry? Embarrassed? Mortified?

Had Felix already admitted everything? Had he mentioned you? Had he mentioned the kitchen?

Had he mentioned the fact that you'd said—

Hyunjin seemed to figure out you weren't going to humor his teasing or conversation or whatever he was attempting, because he moved on to talking to Changbin.

That didn't stop the next person from leaning over, though.

"You okay?" Chan asked quietly before amending it, "Are they?"

You nodded. Then shook your head. Then nodded again.

"Convincing."

"Thanks."

"You want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Okay."

Bless him; he left it there.

Just when you thought you could calm yourself down enough to take a sip of water, the front door slammed, the sound cracking through the apartment like a gunshot.

Every conversation at the table died instantly, heads all jerking up and around.

Your chair scraped loudly against the floor as you stood. Across from you, Chan was pushing back from the table too, concern written plainly across his face as he muttered a, "What in the world..."

Nobody spoke for a second, perhaps waiting for another slam of the door.

None came.

Instead, shuffling footsteps echoed from the hallway and Felix appeared.

The sight of him made something in your stomach go sour, and it didn't mix well with the burnt meal.

He wasn't crying, but he looked dangerously close to it. His eyes were glossy under the dining room lights and his mouth was pressed into such a tight line that it looked painful. He kept his gaze lowered as he walked back into the room, shoulders slightly hunched, hands shoved into his pockets.

Chan was already standing, so he reached him first.

"Mate," he said softly in English, one hand landing on Felix's shoulder. "You 'kay?"

The question seemed to be Felix's undoing. For a moment, he just stood there staring at the floor. Then he laughed wetly once through his nose, though there wasn't anything remotely funny about it.

"No." His face crumpled. "He hates me."

Chan pulled him in for a hug. "Oh, Minnie-ah doesn't hate you."

Everyone else piped up with sentiments to that same effect—well, all except Jisung.

"Uh, I'm a little lost," he said, raising a hand sheepishly.

Hyunjin gave him a light smack upside the head. "Felix spilled the beans on Seungmin's crush, pabo."

Felix groaned at the reminder, face still turned into Chan's shoulder.

"Pabo?!" Jisung sputtered, trying to smack him right back. "How was I supposed to know?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

Changbin got involved, pointing an accusatory finger in Hyunjin's face. "From what I hear, you spilled the beans first!"

"Hey now!" Hyunjin raised his hands up defensively as everyone turned on him. "I played it off as a mere hunch, and this was before he told us he was going to do something about it. I was just trying to get the ball rolling."

You didn't even have it in you to be mad that Hyunjin had clearly lied to your face back at the café, claiming Seungmin hadn't explicitly told him when that clearly wasn't true. At this point, that particular betrayal barely cracked the top ten.

More importantly, it wasn't helping the current crisis.

"What exactly happened?" you asked, your eyes finding Felix again.

The room quieted.

He finally pulled back from Chan's shoulder and scrubbed both hands down his face. The gesture did nothing to make him look less miserable.

"I just explained everything," he said, frowning, his face scrunching up sadly as he recalled it. "Ugh, his face. I'm so awful. I'm a terrible friend."

Chan pulled him back in for a bear hug.

You sighed heavily, feeling strangely at fault. Why had you pressed Felix? You should have pressed Hyunjin or Changbin; they would have cracked eventually and they would have handled Seungmin's reaction much better.

Actually, why had you pressed at all?

If you'd just stayed confused for one more night or maybe forever, none of this would've happened. But then where would you be? Still oblivious and in that same old loop with Seungmin?

Hyunjin looked from Felix to you, and he huffed. "Okay," he said, pushing away from the table. "This is stupid."

Before you could react, he walked over and gently but firmly took hold of your shoulders, steering you toward the front door.

"What are you doing."

"You are going to go talk to him."

"Absolutely not."

"Absolutely yes."

"This is not one of your dramas."

You dug your heels in, going so far as to ragdoll, but he merely held you up and kept carrying you forward with infuriating ease.

"Hwang Hyunjin, stop."

"It's for your own good," he said. "And just think of poor Felix."

Changbin passed you both by to open the door. Traitor.

"Guys, seriously—"

"You don't have to confess anything," Chan said from somewhere behind you, and your jaw dropped. Out of everyone, you would have thought he'd stop them from manhandling you. You would have thought he'd be reasonable. "Just talk to him. Hear him out?"

"Please?" Felix chimed in.

Your resolve wavered. Unfortunately, Hyunjin noticed this and used the opportunity to steer you the last few steps to the doorway.

"There we go."

"I still don't know what I'm supposed to say," you cried.

"You're smart, figure it out on the way down," Minho said from over your shoulder, sounding far too entertained by all of this, the jerk.

The door was now open and cool hallway air drifted in.

You looked at the exit, then back at the group who'd followed you to the foyer, all of whom were watching you with varying degrees of expectation.

Hyunjin gave you one final nudge over the threshold. "Go before he drives away."

"Fighting!" The boys called just before the door slammed shut for the second time.

You stood in the hallway for half a second, heart racing.

Then, with a muttered, "I can't believe they're making me do this," you headed for the elevator at a near jog, hoping Seungmin was still somewhere in the parking garage and not already halfway down the road.

The elevator took entirely too long to get to you, and then it took too long to open, then too long to close.

You jabbed each button more than once despite knowing full well that wouldn't make it move faster. The numbers crawled downward, and by the time the doors finally slid open, your nerves had worked themselves into a state.

The underground parking garage was quieter than usual when you stepped out. Cold, too, considering how late it was.

You stepped out, looking for the car you knew he'd driven here (with Felix, who would probably have to find a different ride home if this all didn't work out). You found it, parked several rows over beneath one of the overhead lights.

The engine wasn't running, the headlights were off, and the driver's seat was empty.

You approached anyway, peering through the windows as if there was a chance he'd somehow folded himself into the backseat. Nothing.

With a sigh, you turned away from the car and started walking.

The apartment complex wasn't huge, but it had enough outdoor paths and little communal spaces that someone determined to be alone could accomplish it fairly easily. You checked the small seating area near the entrance first. Then the side courtyard. Then the path that wrapped around the building.

Nothing.

By the time you'd completed nearly a full lap around the property, your hands were freezing despite being buried in your pant pockets. Your toes, too, were getting a little icy—you were still wearing indoor slippers with a pair of thin socks.

This was exhausting.

And every minute that passed gave you more time to think about the conversation waiting for you. How exactly were you supposed to start it? An apology of some sort seemed in order, but then what?

You groaned and tipped your head back toward the night sky.

The universe, apparently deciding you had suffered enough, finally took pity on you.

As you rounded the corner of the building, your eyes landed on a small overlook area near the edge of the property.

There wasn't much there, just a railing overlooking the street below and a couple of benches nobody ever used. And standing at the railing was Seungmin.

Your steps slowed, and for a moment, you just stared.

Both his hands rested on the metal railing, shoulders slightly hunched (maybe due to the temperature, but you had a feeling it wasn't). The wind tugged at his hair every so often, and in the glow of the nearby streetlights he somehow looked younger—more vulnerable—than usual.

The sight made something uncomfortable twist in your chest. You'd been the cause of that, no matter how indirect or unintentional. Shame on you.

You took a breath, then another, and finally forced your feet to keep moving. The crunch of your soles against the pavement was enough to announce your presence and Seungmin turned his head.

The second he saw you, you watched his entire body stiffen.

For a second, neither of you said anything. Which, admittedly, was very on brand for the two of you.

You stopped a few steps away from him and shoved your hands deeper into your pockets.

"So."

Brilliant start!

Seungmin looked away first, a faint laugh escaping through his nose, the kind people did when they didn't know what else to do, when things definitely weren't funny.

"Yeah," he said quietly, turning away, and yet another silence ensued.

You glanced at the railing, then at him, then back at the railing. He was clenching and unclenching his grip, sort of mirroring what your own hands were doing in your pockets. 

How was this going to be the first real conversation you'd ever had?

The silence stretched another few seconds before Seungmin cleared his throat.

"Did they send you?"

You sighed, knowing the answer probably wouldn't make him feel better, but he deserved honesty. "Shoved me right out the door."

He glanced over, and his eyes traveled from your face to your shoulders, down your arms, and then lower. A small, displeased frown appeared.

Right, of course. He probably didn't want to be having this conversation, especially not with you. He'd just gotten blindsided by Felix, fled the apartment, and now here you were showing up uninvited to continue the humiliation.

You looked away, wondering how much worse this situation would get if you just left right now.

"Sorry," you muttered. "I know you probably don't really—"

A sharp click of his tongue cut you off.

"Idiots couldn't even send you out with a jacket and proper shoes."

Then, before you could stop him, he shrugged out of his own coat and held it out toward you.

"Seungmin-ssi—"

"Take it."

It was probably the most demanding you'd ever heard him.

You stepped closer, now within a step of him, and took it from his hand. "Thanks."

You slipped it on without arguing; there didn't seem much point. The temperature difference was jarring, and judging by the way his shoulders relaxed slightly, he seemed relieved you hadn't fought him on it.

The coat smelled faintly like his detergent or cologne. Whatever it was, you liked it.

"Not going to offer up your shoes, too?" you couldn't help but ask. Anything to lighten the mood.

In response, he kneeled down, fingers moving to mess with the knots on his shoes.

You balked, hands shooting out to pull him up by his arm. "I was joking." 

He straightened, clearly fighting a smile. He'd been joking, too (at least you thought so based on what little you knew of his expressions).

His eyes dropped to where your hand was still wrapped around his sleeve.

Only then did you realize you hadn't let go, and you immediately released him.

"Sorry."

"It's okay," he assured.

You took half a step back and shoved your hands into the pockets of his coat, feeling his car keys (welp, at least he wouldn't be able to run now). The motion made him look away, though not before you caught the faintest hint of amusement on his face.

Things were looking up, the mood wasn't totally awful, you guys were joking around... now was the time to make your move.

"Don't be mad at Felix—"

"I didn't mean for—"

The words crashed into each other and both of you stopped... then proceeded to talk over each other again:

"Sorry—"

"You go—"

And again:

"Oh, I just—"

"Seriously—"

Was this why you never talked to each other? Because it was doomed to be a mess?

He held a hand firmly up in front of your face and you took that as a cue to just shut your mouth, but then he gestured for you to speak while he zipped his own lips.

"Um," you blinked, "Felix feels awful, really."

"Serves him right." He shrugged.

You rolled your eyes at his indignation. "He thinks you hate him."

The corner of his mouth twitched: not quite a smile, but not quite a frown. Something caught between affection and exasperation.

"He knows I don't."

The certainty in his voice made you pause. Of course he knew. Because unlike some people (namely, you), Felix and Seungmin actually talked to each other.

The thought arrived uninvited and it irritated you. You weren't even sure why. It wasn't exactly fair. Felix and Seungmin lived together. They'd known each other forever. It would be stranger if they didn't communicate well.

Still.

Why was it so easy for them to understand each other, even through crisis?

"He really does feel bad," you said again, softer this time.

Seungmin sighed through his nose and turned back toward the street below. "I know."

The annoyance in his voice had dulled considerably.

You studied his profile for a moment.

The streetlights painted soft shadows across his face, and without the usual distractions of seven other people occupying the same space, you found yourself noticing things you normally wouldn't. The slight crease between his brows when he was thinking. The way his jaw tightened before he spoke. The way he seemed incapable of standing still even while technically standing still, fingers tapping once against the railing before going still again.

The more you looked at him, the more bizarre tonight felt.

This was Kim Seungmin.

You'd known Kim Seungmin for years.

How was this the first time you'd ever really, truly looked at him?

You'd been missing out.

The wind shifted again, carrying the distant hum of traffic from the street below. Beside you, Seungmin remained quiet, his attention fixed somewhere beyond the railing.

For a while, neither of you spoke. You weren't sure whether it was because you were both trying to figure out what came next or because neither of you wanted to be the one to take that step.

Eventually, Seungmin exhaled deeply.

"You know," he started, eyes still fixed ahead, "you don't have to worry about it."

"Worry about what?" You frowned.

His fingers tapped once against the railing before going still. "About what Felix said."

Your first instinct was to deny it.

You weren't worried.

Were you?

(YES.)

You watched him carefully, trying to parse out his own thoughts on the matter.

His expression remained neutral enough, but there was something restrained about it. Something that reminded you of all the years you'd spent thinking Kim Seungmin simply didn't have much to say.

Now you suspected he'd always had plenty to say. He just picked and chose what escaped.

"We can just..." He shrugged one shoulder. "Forget it happened."

You stared at him. Surely, you were mishearing, right?

"Forget it happened," you repeated blandly.

"Yeah."

"What?" you asked, confused.

"Well, you've heard all there is to say. Cat's out of the bag, the dam's broken, my cover's blown." You watched as he steadily worked himself up before he took a deep calming breath. A faint, sad smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "If it's going to make things weird, we can just forget it happened."

This caught you off guard, and you'd already been quite off-kilter.

Part of you understood why he was offering. You weren't stupid. This was simultaneously giving you an out, a way to return to normal without having to reject him, and giving him a way to spare himself from hearing an answer he might not want.

The realization made your chest ache.

"That's dumb." The words slipped out before you could stop them.

"Excuse me?" he sputtered.

"I don't want to pretend this never happened."

"Why not?" he asked quietly.

Because those moments you'd spent replaying meant something now. Because now that you knew, you couldn't unknow it. Because the idea of going back to avoiding each other in rooms full of mutual friends felt strangely disappointing.

"I just..." you blew out a breath, "I know I don't want things to go back to the way they were before."

His eyes flicked to yours, and you continued before you could lose your nerve.

"I think I'd like y—" You stopped yourself. "I think I'd like to actually get to know you. I'd really like to try being... friends with you first. Real friends?"

The second The Word left your mouth, you regretted it.

It became clear to you by his reaction that he'd heard the word friends and shut down. Panic surged through you.

"No, wait," you backtracked. "I didn't mean let's be friends and that's all."

The sentence hung between you, and you forged ahead.

"I meant maybe we start there? And see where that takes us?" you offered and your voice softened. "Maybe nowhere. Or maybe we figure out there is something."

You shrugged helplessly, flinging your arms out in a way that made the folds of his jacket fan out, and you saw him smile.

"I don't know." A small and nervous laugh escaped you. "But I'd like the chance to find out."

Seungmin didn't answer right away.

He looked at you for a second, then away again, attention catching on something distant near your shoulder before drifting back. His fingers shifted against the railing once, twice, like he was weighing something he didn't want to say out loud.

You almost filled the silence just to save yourself from it, but then he spoke.

"We weren't friends?"

It came out flat enough that you took it for genuine offense.

"No!" you laughed in his face. "What we had before was not friendship."

"I know, I know." His subtly growing grin turned amused. "I'm messing with you."

Right, you'd have to get used to that. The teasing he was known for, his friendship trademark. The thought made you jittery, if you were being honest.

And what he said next made it so much worse:

"If friends is what you want first, I can do that. I want to try that," he assured before pausing. "But I also need you to know it won't always feel like that for me. I like you... a lot—Yongbok may have even downplayed it a bit—and I'd understand if that thought makes you uncomfortable."

His gaze flicked briefly to your face, then away again, giving you space in the most literal way possible without actually moving.

You huffed out a breath, a little disbelieving, and fanned your face despite the nippy chill.

"You can't just say things like that," you muttered.

Seungmin let out a quiet laugh through his nose first, like he wasn't entirely sure he was allowed to, and then it turned into something fuller and brighter and maybe even uncontrollable when he saw your stunned expression.

You cheered internally, recalling how much you'd wanted this earlier. Victory sure was sweet.

You watched him for a beat longer, waiting for his chuckles to taper just enough, before responding to an unspoken question.

"I'm not uncomfortable," you said simply.

His eyes lifted to you again, a little more focused now, but still warm at the edges.

"But I'll tell you if that ever changes," you added. "And you can do the same?"

Seungmin's laughter faded slowly and he exhaled through his nose, still smiling faintly to himself as he looked away for a second, collecting whatever composure he had left. Then his attention came back to you.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Of course."

The wind shifted again, colder this time, slipping between the space you were both pretending wasn't different than it had been ten minutes ago. You pulled his coat a little closer around you out of instinct, and his eyes flicked to the motion before returning to your face.

He shifted, pushing off the railing.

"We should go," he said, but there was no real urgency in it.

"Yeah," you agreed with a nod, though you didn't necessarily want to leave this little bubble that you'd made for yourselves either.

But the cold insisted on being a cockblock.

The walk back started the same way it had ended outside—quiet at first, the kind of silence you'd always had with him before, except now it didn't feel empty in the same way. Even still, you didn't let it stay silent for long. If you guys were going to be friends, you guys needed to pick up the pace.

"You're going to get yelled at," you said after a while, glancing ahead.

Seungmin didn't even pretend to misunderstand. "For what."

"For making Felix cry."

"He cried?" His head swung to look at you.

"As good as," you said.

He groaned to himself and you smiled.

The rest of the walk filled itself in without effort after that with small things, the blooming friendship things that you guys needed to speedrun:

He asked if you were still cold, and when you said "a little," he didn't comment—just shifted slightly so you were walking on the side of the path that wasn't catching the wind as badly. (This may have been a little more than friendly, but you decided you were okay with it.)

You asked him something about Minho's food, if he'd even gotten the chance to eat it, to which he replied honestly that he'd had no appetite. You apologized, but he waved it off by saying it looked burnt beyond belief, anyways.

You learned that Seungmin remembered an alarming amount about conversations you'd long forgotten having. Meanwhile, you had to repeatedly admit that you had absolutely no recollection of certain interactions. (This was not a flattering look for you, but he seemed to find it more amusing than anything.)

By the time the apartment door came into view, you felt very confident in your decision to try out the label of friends first. Kim Seungmin was a super cool guy, just like you figured.

When you walked up to the door, he reached for it first, holding it open without looking at you.

You passed him, shoulder brushing his just slightly in the narrow space.

Many pairs of eyes turned to you from the living area beyond.

Perhaps it was because they saw you wearing Seungmin's coat or just because you had come back together (which could only mean one thing in their small brains), but cheers went up around the room, all sounding congratulatory.

You and Seungmin glanced at each other, sharing an awkward look.

You did your best to tell him silently through your expression that you did not want to be the one to break the news. Lucky for you, he understood perfectly.

He sighed and lifted a hand before the noise could build any further, palm facing outward in a quiet attempt at control.

It worked only marginally. The volume dipped, but not the enthusiasm.

"Relax," he said. "We're starting as friends."

The room paused for half a beat, likely thinking about how best to react.

"Oh." Jisung was the first to break the silence. "I mean, oh! Friends are cool. Yay for friends!"

"With benefits?" Hyunjin just had to ask, and Changbin smacked him upside the head.

Your face went hot and you thought you saw Seungmin's ears go a little pink, too, but he rolled his eyes. "No."

"And..." Chan started, eyes flicking between you and Seungmin. "You're both... okay with that?"

"It was mutual," you answered with a nod and the guys all seemed relieved by this.

Hyunjin, however, was still not done. Of course note.

"So, friends," he said again, now grinning. "Sharing jackets is a little cozier than friends, in my opinion."

You fiddled with the sleeves of Seungmin's coat. You probably could have taken it off before coming back inside to avoid exactly this situation. And you probably could take it off now that you were inside, but something inside you wanted to keep it on.

"We share clothes all the time," Jeongin muttered. You appreciated him so much.

Hyunjin opened his mouth, probably to escalate further, but Chan lightly tapped him with the back of his hand before it could spiral.

"Leave it," Chan said mildly.

"Fine, fine," the man heaved and whispered something suspiciously like, "Friends to lovers is peak, anyways."

As things finally started to die down, Felix made a sound somewhere between a sigh and a sob. Then, without warning, he crossed the room and flung himself at Seungmin.

"I'm sorry," Felix said immediately, voice muffled against Seungmin's shoulder. "I will never tell another one of your secrets ever again. I'm the worst. I'll make it up to you, I swear."

Seungmin went still for half a second. Then, slowly, he exhaled through his nose.

"Yongbok," he said flatly.

"I know," Felix mumbled immediately, still half-buried against him. "I've disgraced myself as a human being and a friend and as a roommate too."

"That's not what I was going to say."

"It's fine, you don't have to be nice to me. I deserve honesty right now."

Seungmin paused for a beat. "...You're going to suffocate me if you don't move your head."

Felix finally pulled back just enough to look at him, still holding onto his sleeves like letting go would make everything worse again.

"It's fine. I'm fine," Seungmin insisted, and his eyes glanced up over his shoulder to catch your gaze. "More than."

Your stomach swooped, and your jaw kind of dropped at that. His eyes remained on you, the small upward twitch at the corner of his lips returning as he noticed your shock.

Felix was still clinging to his sleeve, still talking softly about how he was going to "repent through acts of service for the rest of his life," but neither of you really reacted to that part. Your eyes broke apart as Felix's voice dropped low again:

"I'm still sorry," he said again.

"I know," Seungmin replied. Then, after a beat, "Now stop talking about it."

"Okay." Felix nodded rapidly. "Yes. Silence. I will be silent. Like a monk."

"That's not—never mind."

You couldn't help it—you laughed then.

It slipped out before you could decide whether it was the appropriate emotional response to the situation, and Seungmin's eyes flicked to you again at the sound.

The corner of his mouth twitched just slightly.

Something settled in your chest after that. Not completely. You doubted it ever would. Not tonight, anyway. There were still too many things to think about, too many things to figure out, and an insane amount of retrospective embarrassment waiting for you the second your head hit a pillow.

(You were going to spend at least three hours staring at your ceiling and reliving every interaction you'd ever had with Kim Seungmin, because you were sure there were more hidden in the crevices of your brain. This was a guarantee.)

Life carried on.

Funny how it did that.

Because despite how monumental tonight had felt, despite how much it seemed like everything had changed, tomorrow would still arrive. The day after that, too.

There would be group dinners, movie nights.

Long conversations, short conversations.

There would be awkward moments and comfortable ones and moments where neither of you were entirely sure which category you belonged in anymore.

You'd spend the next few months learning things about Kim Seungmin that probably should have been common knowledge by now.

He'd learn things about you, too.

Some of those discoveries would be meaningful; others would be completely useless.

You'd learn how he took his coffee.

He'd learn that you couldn't be trusted with directions (he now drove you pretty much everywhere, even if it was out of his way).

The friendship part, it turned out, wasn't nearly as difficult as you'd expected.

The everything-else part was another story.

Kim Seungmin wasn't your friend.

Not really.

Even after everything you'd discussed on that overlook. Even after all the mutual agreements and sensible decisions and mature conversations that followed.

Friend didn't feel quite right.

Not before.

Not now.

He existed somewhere in that strange space beyond it. A place without a proper label yet. A place neither of you seemed particularly interested in rushing.

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