call me teddy

kingpin: ...this changes nothing.

electro: [very clearly uncomfortable but not willing to interrogate what that says about himself] so is this, like, a permanent thing?

rhino: you are...AH!! [drops the bags of money he's holding and gives spider-woman a bone-crushing hug] MY FRIEND!!! YES!!! my cousin's wife, she is like you as well! beautiful woman. maybe you know her? you do not? is not how that works? i see. you two must meet. we will arrange dinner after i break out from raft again. uhp--no arguments. i have decided.

vulture: this is exactly what fox news warned me about...

green goblin: good for you, bug! though don't think i'll go easy on you because of this. after all, you and i both know i don't have a problem killing girls! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

sandman: [after five minutes of failed explanations] oh, like the thing rhino's cousin's wife has

white rabbit: girl!!! me too!!! no way!!! you know, this is perfect timing actually, beetle and i have been looking for a third, if you're interested...

lizard: [really not getting it] ssssso you have to inject yoursssself with girl DNA how often? seemssssss inefficient. you know, connorsssss only injected himself with lizard DNA the once. maybe you ssshould assssk him to make girl DNA for you.

doc ock: [known the whole time] so...you finally figured it out.

mysterio: [trying to fuck with her] so...you finally figured it out.

mr. negative: [gives a single, curt nod and doesn't say anything but makes sure to gender her correctly during their fight]

morbius: HISSSSSSSS!! spider-man!! vhat brings you to zhis dark corner of the city, at so late an--vhat? spider...woman now? [drops the accent] oh hey that's sick. listen if you need an endocrinologist i know a guy. he's over in brooklyn so it's a bit out of the way--oh you're going to diy? no that makes sense. hey, i really appreciate you telling me. no it's no problem at all. thanks! [starts doing the accent again] NOW BEGONE!!! FROM MY LAIR!!!!

electro again: [still really uncomfortable] i just don't think it's an unfair question to ask. remember that time you were like all mean and had the four extra arms and you said shit like "the die is cast?" how do i know this isn't another one of your phases?

carnage: [sprinting down the street on all fours holding the first syllable of a slur like piccolo charging his special beam cannon] fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffFFFFFFFAGGOTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!

1. the classic

as a reminder, here is the line as it originally stood. this is from the live recording of the all-star staged concert, where it was still in place:

transcript: here comes a prince / there goes a jew / this one's a queer / but what can you do?

2. the quiche

enter the staged concert of 2021. there had clearly been a behind-the-scenes conversation that went along the lines of 'this line is problematic, we must update it for a modern audience'. and this was the baffling result:

transcript: here comes a prince / he's nouveau riche / this one looks queer / i bet he likes quiche

3. the bicuriosity

quiche made it over to the west end revival and stuck around for a couple of years, but by mid 2023, thenardier had done some personal reflection:

transcript: here comes a prince / there goes a jew / this one looks queer / i might try that too

4. the bicuriosity: part 2

by early 2024, thenardier is actively seeking new experiences:

transcript: here comes a prince / there goes a lord / i'll keep him in mind / in case i get bored

5. diversity win!

which leads us to the current line in which we have a thenardier who is out and proud

transcript: here comes a prince / mais entre nous / this one's a queer / and i've tried that too