You Get Killed, Walk It Off

i have never seen an animal moving this silly

My brother is the most fascinating person in the world. I just found out he goes to regular poker nights with his buddies and uses real money. I told him this sounded like a great way to lose money and he said “no, I win because I count cards”. I asked him why his friends hadn’t kicked him out yet if he wins all the time and he says only keeps a percentage and divides up the rest among the remaining players, because it wouldn’t be fair to keep it all since technically he’s cheating, and if they all run out of money too fast then the game is over. They use real money and not chits because it’s more exciting that way. Digging further into this I suspect that this is also how he’s discreetly paying back his friends who have bought him food or beer and won’t let him reimburse them directly. I’m bragging right now. I’m so proud of this lawful chaotic little freak

and would it be too mean if I said that when it comes to discovering new books to read it seems like of people would rather just act willfully helpless and blame tiktok for "ruining literature" instead of putting in a very small amount of effort to find the damn books?

whenever this conversation comes up a lot of people start saying something akin to "just read older books" and while I do agree that humanity has an absolutely staggering backlog of books big enough to keep anyone entertained, it often seems to come with an unspoken implication (or, sometimes, ca very clear statement) that this is necessary because all books published now are Awful and Bad. to which I would like to say, respectfully, Shut The Fuck Up. the books that annoy you are not the sum total of everything being published.

just spoke with the funniest hater of all time. went to the optometrist, happened to be wearing my hadestown shirt. he asks me about it, I tell him it's a musical and he tells me he hates musicals and lists a few he didn't like. fair enough, but he listed mostly movie musicals, so I tell him that stage musicals are quite different. so he asks for my favorites and a few recommendations, and I also explain to him the differences between seeing a show on tour vs on broadway. I tell him he could check out the local theatre and see what's in the next season, but he says he'd rather just fly to new york and see the broadway show if it's the best version and that he probably wouldn't like it. I tell him that sometimes people will like the tour version better just based on personal preference of singer performance. he says, I don't really like singers, I just don't really like music. I get my eyes dilated. I bum around for 15 minutes before going back. he checks my eyes and shows me that he pulled up a google search of hadestown to read up about it while we were waiting. he tells me again he hates musicals and can't take them seriously, while actively looking at showtimes for hadestown at the walter kerr on broadway. I tell him each musical is very different so he should listen to the recordings of a few songs to see if he likes the vibe of a show before he wastes $200 on a ticket. he says nah I won't do that because I probably wouldn't like it, I just don't like music. the broadway showtimes to hadestown are still pulled up on a browser tab. I cannot emphasize how many times he told me that he doesn't like musicals or music while actively taking my recommendations and planning a theoretical trip to nyc specifically to see a broadway musical that he predicts he will hate. i respect it

Thank you for the clarification

let's exceed mama

“I’m so proud of my enormous child”

And also: I AM PROUD OF MY TINY MOM IF I SIT ON HER ENOUGH MAYBE SHE WILL GET AS BIG AS ME BUT I LOVE HER ANYHOW

one time i was in a pub in london and saw lemonade on the menu and i was like mmmm lemonade!!! but i’ve been to australia and been tricked before so i was like hey is this actual lemonade lemonade or is it just sprite and she was like it’s actual lemonade so i ordered some and she brought it back and it was sprite. i hate england

They just meant it didn’t have lime in it

sprite has lime in it wym

honestly only americans who have been to england or australia or new zealand understand the frustration.  Also you literally can’t even explain to them what real lemonade is. they simply don’t get it

i’m actually not american i just have functioning taste buds. but GOD HONESTLY like “sprite is a type of lemonade because it has lemon flavouring in it!” no. go to jail. lemonade does not have lime and corn syrup in it, and it’s not carbonated. that’s not a sweet refreshing summer beverage, it’s canned sadness. 

These guys are honestly right. In Australia there is nothing that even closely resembles American “lemonade”. You’d have to make it yourself. I only vaguely know how to make it from American cartoons and it’s never sounded even slightly appetising. I guess it’s like Vegemite. You have to grow up with it.

If you’re insinuating that lemonade is like vegemite than you’re an idiot that has never tried lemonade. 

god bless you

If it makes it any better, it happens in reverse too - when I was in the US with my family, my dad asked for ‘lemonade’ at a restaurant once, and was perplexed when he didn’t get sprite. It was delicious though! I wish we COULD get in in New Zealand.

I never understood this problem cause like. Isn’t american lemonade just lemon juice? Like you dont call orange juice orangade in america do you?

This entire conversation thread feels like it has become cursed. I thought I knew what all these drinks were at the beginning & while everything is still technically what I thought it was I feel like it’s somehow all tilted slightly to the left as well. How the heck did this happen?

the situation with harry potter is kind of unprecedented in some ways imo because it is maybe the largest media franchise in history to be created & owned by a single person who still has direct creative control over it. who is also a billionaire with significant cultural/political influence. like the usual "no ethical consumption under capitalism" type excuses shatter on impact when the bigoted author in question is logging onto twitter every day saying explicitly that when you buy the tim hortons ravenclaw donut she is using your donut money to fund the genocide of trans people. like with big franchises usually there's at least a little more diffusion of responsibility than this