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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
cherry valley forever
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ellievsbear
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@roundabout-declarations
tumblr search is ass so here are all my tags

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It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good
Highlights include:
For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.
Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.
Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.
I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.
I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.
Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.
Actually I've decided this is a poem
This is getting notes so let me just say
Himb 💞💝💘💖💞💝
.

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I love soulmates but also this-
This boomer comic incinerated every “I hate my wife” comic instantly
which of these classical texts have you read?
the iliad, the odyssey, and the aeneid
the iliad and the odyssey, not the aeneid
the iliad only
the odyssey only
the aeneid only
the aeneid and the iliad, not the odyssey
the aeneid and the odyssey, not the iliad
I have read none of these
"what if I've read part of it" if it's a large enough part that you would consider yourself to Have Read It in general contexts, then it counts. if it's not, then it doesn't. only you can be the judge of that, but I'm not giving you a nuance button.
any translations count, but abridged retellings don't
obviously, there are lots of other classical texts out there. you might have read none of these and be an expert on greek tragedy. I'm not judging your classical knowledge so you don't need to tell me all that. I'm just curious about combos of these specific texts and their popularity, bc a post i just saw got me thinking about it

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his wife has filled THEIR house with ANTIQUES. to AVOID DAMAGING HER VALUABLES i fuck him on the floor
its not funny but i do think about it a lot
This made me think about this panel from Calvin and Hobbes:
But unlike the adult in this strip, Calvin’s dad actually APOLOGIZED for yelling at him when he saw how guilty his kid was:
we need to normalize a tradition where nonpartnering aros are like "hey, i'm officially never getting married, please come to this party and give me whatever kitchenware you would have bought me for a wedding"
I want a big dress up party where people have to appreciate me, dammit.
Why don't I get to have a whole symbolic party about how I have found my future or whatever.
surprisingly forward-thinking of jim henson and co. to make a female character in the 70's that's allowed to be loud-mouthed and violent and kind of overwhelmingly romantic and even a huge bitch at times and not have a moment where any character asks her to change
going through all the muppet movies in a row made me realize that like. miss piggy was made in the 70's. and it's so rare even today to have a character like her. she's loud, she's selfish, she's funny, she's extremely vain, she's obsessed with romance, she's violent, she's kind of annoying, and there's not a single moment in any of these films where she's asked to tone down any of these personality traits. i am not joking when i say that miss piggy might be one of the best treated female characters ever written
AND full-figured/fat in a time period when being as skeletally thin as possible was seen as the ideal feminine figure, but, to the muppets (and even most of the audience, let's be honest) she was consistently regarded as the hottest one in the room.
Everything about her, both physically and personality-wise, was so much larger than other female fictional characters created at the time, and she was beloved both in-universe and out for all of it.

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“Put him on his knees give him something to believe in” has the exact same energy and depth of meaning as anything Hozier puts out on the regular but since it’s sung by Megan Thee Stallion no one takes it seriously. In this essay I will-
To flesh this out a little bit more: both Megan Thee Stallion and Hozier write and sing really sexual songs, but they’re different in that Hozier’s music is typically “let me worship you” while Megan’s is usually “I’m worshipping myself,” which makes all the difference because it’s an acceptance of power rather than the giving of it. He’s the sinner, she’s the saint. However, taking their difference in genres out of it, people don’t usually seem to take Megan Thee Stallion’s music seriously in comparison to Hozier because a) her lyrics are more overtly and blatantly sexual and b)she’s claiming her sexuality for herself, and that scares a lot of people. The secret, no-one-wants-to-talk-about reason is that she’s a confident black woman, which terrifies people way than sex does. In conclusion, Hozier and Megan Thee Stallion are two sides of the same poetic, sexual coin, but people just don’t want to admit it. Which is WHY a collaboration between Hozier and Megan would be so powerful that it would change the timeline as we know it yes I will elaborate