RogueWhimsy

Season 2 Ending: Trinity Santos invites her lonely coworker to get drinks and sing karaoke so she won’t be alone on July 4th

1. Who the fuck is Johnny Flynn

Depressed? I'm the furthest thing from depressed. I mean, look at what I've accomplished.

The iconic opening paragraph, “Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair… (et cetera).”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT… BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

“Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.”

“And Loopin was masticating to it!”

As great as those are, I’d like to throw a spotlight on what I think are some of the underappreciated parts of this classic work of fanfiction.

Ebony puts blood on her Count Chocula cereal instead of milk.

Enoby is canonically a weeaboo and speaks to her friends in Fangirl Japanese.

Harry’s scar is now a pentagram instead of a lightning bolt, so either he found some sort of spell to alter the appearance of the scar or he actually took the time to carve a pentagram into his forehead.

There is an OC named either Tom Riddle or Tom Rid who works at a “punkgoff” store in Hogsmeade and has absolutely nothing to do with Voldemort, he just happens to have the exact same name.

Tara somehow got Fred and George mixed up with Crabbe and Goyle.

The reason Snape doesn’t like Harry in this fic is because Snape is Christian and Harry is a Satanist.

Marty McFly literally appears out of nowhere to help Enoby travel through “tim” with his “tim machine.”

Chapter 11 ends with Hagrid singing along to “a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.”

Voldemort inexplicably speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.

Voldemort wears high heels.

Draco has a flying black Mercedes-Benz and a black MCR broom.

Snape has a Dork Mark on his penis.

Speaking of penises, Draco is apparently “hung like a stallone.” I guess Tara is a Rambo fan?

The Hedwig/Voldemort sex scene, wherein Hedwig is a male human instead of a female owl, for some reason.

Dumbledore flies around on his broomstick while holding a loaf of rye bread. At least, that’s what I think Tara meant by “Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread.”

Oh yeah, and Dumbledore is an Avril Lavigne fanboy, because of course he is.

James Potter’s “goff” nickname is Samoro, because Tara erroneously believes this to be the masculine form of the name Samara.

Draco’s singing voice is described as “a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson.”

Tara’s brief feud with her editor Raven, as chronicled in the author’s notes, may or may not have had something to do with Raven borrowing Tara’s sweater and not giving it back. IDK, it’s unclear.

Voldemort smokes a “gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar.”

McGonagall has the best insults, like “horny simpletons” and “mediocre dunces” and probably some others I’m forgetting.

Dobby only appears once in the entire fic and literally all he does is watch Snape and Lupin have sex, and then run away crying.

Sirius is referred to as Harry’s dogfather, and not gonna lie, even if it was a typo I think that is a genuinely clever pun.

The Hogwarts janitor may or may not be Chuck Norris.

Tara accurately predicted how Harry would defeat Voldemort in Deathly Hallows. No, really. “nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111”

This line: “Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly.”

And this one: “‘Crosio!’ I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.”

“Azerbaijan”

“Hoes of Wax”

“Tom Bombodil”

“Cornelio Fuck”

“Professor Slutborn”

“Preacher McGongol”

“Lumpkin”

“TaEbory”

“The Bark Lord”

It doesn't even mention Julius Caesar or the Ides of March.

It's from a very different segment of the play

It's not even the famous part of that segment that everyone knows by heart

The "I'm just sayin'" attitude of all the Seinfeldians in the screenshot (although if memory serves, what they're actually saying is, "not that there's anything wrong with that")

It just comes at the whole situation in such an oblique fashion

I don't think I've ever seen an Ides of March meme do anything like this before

long hugs, melting into each other

comparing hand sizes

burying face in their stomach when laying down

several kisses in quick succession

hugs from behind

huddling up on a cold day

rolling in bed until they are slotted together

tickling

nose / cheek / forehead kisses

stealing their hat and putting it on

forehead to forehead

smothering them with their own body

carrying them around their apartment

head resting on their shoulder

climbing in their lap

checking them out when they change even after years together

holding hands in a stressful moment

slapping their ass in passing

tucking their hair back

casual brushes while passing them

massages

kissing the palm on their hand and then nuzzling into it

playing with the other's fingers

lifting them and setting them on the counter to have better kiss reachability

burying face in the crook of their neck

playing with their hair

spooning

removing their make up and hair products for them after a hard day

jumping in their arms upon reunion

"I'm digging my own grave. Let me."

Louie Cloverfield

Ways That Fear Can Show Up (Without Saying “Fear”)

When it creeps: • Foreboding — the air feels wrong before anything actually happens. • Ominousness — silence that feels almost... purposeful. • Misgiving — your instincts tugging at your sleeve, whispering, "Don't."

When it hits fast: • Shock — your brain blanks • Startled— your heart slams, you inhale • Panic — thoughts fracture; your instincts beg for escape

When it lingers: • Tension — jaw locked, shoulders up near your ears. • Anxiety — background noise that lingers in every thought • Dread — knowing something bad is coming and having to wait for it.

When it turns physical: • Shivers — cold crawling up the spine. • Sweat, dilated pupils, skin gone pale — your own body betrays you. • Weakness — knees like jelly, grip unreliable.

When it overwhelms: • Terror — too big to think around. • Horror — something has gone wrong. • Paralysis — body refusing orders.

When it distorts reality: • Paranoia — patterns where there are none. • Suspicion — every sound feels intentional. • Unease — the sense of being watched without proof.

This invitation was from 2018, long after Epstein had been convicted of soliciting sex from a minor.

"I have fallen for you."