an owl that is an embodiment of Elemental Chaos

video game with a flaccid -> boner meter in the ui but the whole game it never changes at all and nothing makes the boner meter go up so youre jusg aware of the protags flaccid penis the whole time for no good reason

to be clear in my thinking this would only work in a completely nonsexual game, of course it Could have a function in some sort of porn game depending on the sorta porn youre going for but thats not really my idea here. this concept only works to me if its completely useless and unrelated & the protag isnt even sexualized even a little bit, otherwise i think it loses its charm. you just have to know about their penis and you have to wonder why the entire game and you have to try and figure that out until you realize theres no reason and youre just aware of their penis because the dev is probably fucked in the head or something like that. and then by that point youve reached the highest level of connection possible with a game developer aside from maybe ambushing them from behind and drinking all their blood until they die. and thats how we fix the gaming industry

asked one of my coworkers how she's doing today and she goes "could be better, could be worse," and another coworker nearby who was eavesdropping chimes in with "could be a lil bit o' alligator curse!" i have no idea what he meant by that but i do know that it has been immediately added to the lexicon.

how it feels to explain house targaryen to anyone in my life

Trying to do a good job as status quo restabilizer monarch when your three advisors are your uncle who groomed you who is your husband saying “BURN EVERYONE WE WILL INVADE DORNE AND ESSOS AND YI TI AND CROWN A NEW EMPIRE OF THE DAWN WE SHALL RULE AS GODS anyways I’m leaving see you never, your girlfriend who is your uncle’s ex girlfriend whispering about how the most important factor in maintaining monarchical power is of course just consent of the peasantry you are governing you ought to alienate yourself from your minor nobility completely and permanently to appease the people, and your middle school girlfriend you are repulsed by the thought of displeasing going you have to do shit that makes me mad to rule effectively but I will be mad. and also you have no fuckingggg money

Daemon: Rhaenyra listen to me I saw a blond girl with dragons. A blond girl with dragons Rhaenyra. Now that may not seem at all unusual or miraculous to you or me probably because all our dragons are still alive and we have no reason to think anything is going to happen to them but would this woman who roofied me 58 times in a one week span have lied? Do you think she’d show me a tree man without cause? Do you think people are just blonde for no reason? Exactly. Now put your shoes on, we’ll avenge Jeremy