I'm Just Feeling Whatever

the idea that every summer will be as hot if not hotter than this for the rest of my life is unbearable i need to (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) murder an oil executive

what I've learned from having other people edit my work is that I have a sick addiction to commas

there have been four editing passes on my spider sex book, and each time they take away so many commas. no fresh commas are being added, this is just a continued culling. if you see a comma in the final book please understand that it survived so much

games over! everyone loses! 👍

"This person has a secret onlyfans!" "This artist does NSFW commissions!" "This author writes porn on the side!" I cannot begin to tell you how swag and awesome that is.

having a girl blorbo is like. i need to cocoon her in blankets and let her sleep until noon. i need to cook her three square meals a day so she’s not just living off coffee and the will of god. i need to see her wrestle a pig in the mud. i need to turn her into a keychain and swing her wildly around on my backpack. i need to give her a sword and set her loose. i need to steam her like a vegetable in my rice cooker. i need to grind her into dust with a mortar and pestle and turn her into sand art and display her on my shelf. i need to give her smoochies and kisses. i need to wear her in a locket that’s discovered with my corpse thousands of years later. i need to create a new constellation in her image. i need to cover her in blood.

There are some characters where giving them therapy and cleaning them up is the fanfiction equivalent of buying antique furniture and painting it white

there are sounds that only bald people can hear

whole foods employee catches me stealing valuable artichoke water and tries to apprehend me but i quickly jump through one of his gauges and escape

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

becoming homophobic because when two characters in a scene have the same pronouns you have to say their names one william times