ruach bas abadon

the long and short of it is that legalization means gov/police involvement whereas decrim means we are free to work without fear of penalty. to be blunt cops rape and murder us a lot so any path that reduces our exposure to them is a safer one for us. on top of that you can look at legal brothels in places like nevada and see pretty clearly that involvement of the law has not protected those workers from exploitation just locked them into narrower avenues. dont even get me started on the nordic model. in a city where its decriminalized my professional peers and I have a lot more options in terms of how we meet clients, how we keep ourselves safe and how we charge.

I worked in this city before it was decriminalized. the spa I worked at was raided by cops ( who had already been paid off) at least 3 times while I was there. the weight off my shoulders being able to work without the fear of state sanctioned assault and ending up an 'NHI' hanging over me is priceless.

here's a resource that isnt just one guy speaking from experience though

I've tried simulating it with people who are into being hurt but it doesnt feel the same because i can see theyre enjoying it.

I've tried finding people who are into suffering and are willing to do things they dont fully enjoy, with a bit of success. however I really want more of that. so, advice? should i change my goals or should i try a new way of finding people?

it has a thought, that sometimes, even as a masochist, it's not in the mood for a beating. that a beating at that particular moment will hit wrong and not really be enjoyed. it's also aware that with the right partner, it could be convinced to consent to sadistic free-use that transcends its own enjoyment, though learning how to take a beating when it's not in the mood would also be something it could find joy in.

it is definitely something that's hard to get right with someone, but sometimes there is that desire to be actually really be pushed past resistance and forced to submit to something that it really doesn't want. it can imagine that there are others with similar feelings, and others whose desire to submit to things they don't want is even stronger.

it doesn't think you'll really be able to change your goals, though. you like what you like. all you can really do is prove yourself the trustworthy sort who others will say yes to being pushed by, because they know you'll put them back together after whatever boundary-pushing play you want to get up to. communicate what you're after, and you might convince those who hadn't thought about it before, too.

I will be speaking as though this is a recreational psychoactive substance. So for the purposes of this post, the breast growth? That's considered a side effect.

Reblogging this post for reach would be appreciated, as this substance is extremely common with a very specific group of people (hi, dolls. ily). And even if you're not using it recreationally, it's still good to know how a drug works and what it does to you.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. This is not medical advice My sources are psychonautwiki, wikipedia, and the sources linked on those pages. As well as my own experience having experimented with and abused this substance recreationally for about a year. I won't be delving into the chemistry and pharmacology of progesterone, but information on GABAergic substances is readily available. I strongly suggest you do your own research in addition to reading this post.

Progesterone (Pregn-4-ene-3,20-dione) is a steroid with depressant effects. Progesterone itself is not psychoactive. However, the body metabolizes progesterone into a handful of GABAergic molecules (allopregnanolone, pregnanolone, isopregnanolone, epipregnanolone). This means progesterone is a prodrug for these metabolites. This happens in the liver and these metabolites are the cause of the high. Progesterone is fat soluble. So eating fatty foods before will increase the potency of progesterone significantly. From my own experimentation, I have found this to be a roughly two-fold increase in potency. Because progesterone is GABAergic, it is recommended to avoid other GABAergic substances (alcohol, benzodiazepines, opiates, gabapentinoids, etc) while using progesterone. Mixing these carries a significant risk of overdose.

Common Effects of Progesterone: Sedation, loss of motor control, pain relief, anxiety suppression, disinhibition, dizziness, euphoria, increased libido, and amnesia. These effects increase with dose. I find disinhibition, amnesia, and loss of motor control to increase significantly at higher doses, when compared to the other effects. Because progesterone is also a hormone, recreationally using progesterone can have hormonal side effects, including premenstrual syndrome.

Dosage: A common, prescribed dosage of progesterone ranges from 100mg to 400mg. A common recreational dosage will range from 200mg to over 1000mg, depending on the desired strength of the experience. 200mg is considered a "common" recreational dose, 400mg is a "strong" dose, and 600mg+ is a "heavy" dose. Dosages are dependent on the person dosing, everyone's body will react differently to substances. Start at a low dose to avoid undesirable effects. You know yourself best. Keep in mind that eating before your dose means a potentiated experience, and a higher/potentiated dose always means higher risk of undesirable effects, including overdose! While severe and fatal overdoses are uncommon with progesterone, it is still important to be cognizant of the risk. Especially when using other substances. Progesterone overdose can manifest as blacking out, respiratory depression, and/or sudden and immediate loss of consciousness (I have lost consciousness while standing up on as little as 600mg of progesterone. This led to me falling over and getting a concussion).

Tolerance: Progesterone tolerance builds very quickly When using recreationally, I have found it helpful to skip a couple days between doses. This is to allow ones tolerance to get closer to baseline, to minimize potential of an overdose, and to minimize the hormonal side effects. This is recommended with similar substances, such as gabapentin/pregabalin and benzodiazepines.

Dependence, Addiction, and Withdrawals: There are few reported cases of progesterone dependence and/or addiction. However I have found that I have become dependent on progesterone to be able to sleep (though this is partially because I use it to self medicate my insomnia). And I do consider myself to be addicted to progesterone. Withdrawal symptoms (for me) include body aches, trouble sleeping, compulsions to use, irritability, and emotional dysregulation. Skipping days when using recreationally will help minimize the potential of dependence and addiction, but the risk is never zero.

Routes of Administration (RoA): The two common RoAs are orally and rectally. These will have differing intensities, primarily due to the rectal RoA bypassing the liver to a certain degree, when compared to taking it orally. This is why people often take progesterone rectally if they want to avoid or minimize the psychoactive effects. However, the hormonal bioavailability of progesterone, when taken rectally, is higher (due to less of the molecule being metabolized in the liver). So that RoA can be desirable for those reasons.

What you can Expect: I will be talking from personal experience here. Your experiences will be different. 200mg: A typical therapeutic dose for feminizing hormone replacement therapy. I take this nightly. The effects are light, but I notice myself being more social and less anxious. I have not blacked out when using this dose. 400mg: This is my typical social dose. It allows me to be social and not anxious while still allowing me to feel confident to use other substances during these experiences. The pain relief is very noticeable at this dose and I am able to sleep very easily when not in a social setting. I find that this is where blacking out becomes a possibility for me, especially if I have eaten well. 600mg: This is where I start to avoid using other substances. Euphoria, disinhibition, and increased libido are very strong here. Blacking out is common for me at this dose 800mg: Blacking out happens quickly and I will almost certainly lose consciousness at this dose. This is not a dose I use socially for these reasons. At this dose, my tolerance the next day is extremely high and I do not get desirable effects unless I use 800mg+. The chance for blacking out remains the same even though the desirable effects are weak. 1200mg: I black out and lose consciousness within about 30 minutes of the come-up. I have used this dose to fall asleep when I am struggling with more severe insomnia. 4800mg: Full disclosure, this was a suicide attempt. However progesterone isn't great for that. I found myself conscious well into the peak of the experience, likely due to my extremely distressed state. I, surprisingly, did not black out. I believe this is because progesterone's metabolites may have a bioavailability inversely proportional to the dose (similar to gabapentin) in addition to my emotional state. Do not quote me on this, I could not find a source to back this up.

All in all, progesterone is a fun recreational substance with significant and very impactful downsides. I cannot recommend using it recreationally. However, if you choose to explore this substance in a recreational way, I hope this post helps you make a more informed decision. And please take it upon yourself to do additional research into this substance before you use.

Remember, there is no safe drug use. Only safer drug use